I’m not enjoying this at all

[Vanillascent]

Motherhood, I mean.
I’m constantly exhausted. Tbh I think the lack of sleep is what’s led me to this point but I refuse to sleep train because I’m scared of the damage. Baby is 10 months old and it has not gotten easier. If anything, it’s worse. More responsibilities such as making 3 meals a day, for him to just throw on the floor anyway.
I try and go out each day but he often ends up crying so I have to carry him home before even getting to our proposed destination.
I feel trapped and numb at the same time. I love him and would lay my life down for him but none of this is what I expected it to be. And I feel so guilty for feeling this way because I know he didn’t choose to be born. :(

You're not going to damage your little baby unless you literally lock him in his room and leave him to scream for hours.

Sleep train him for everyone's benefit. Night weaning will help cut the feeds and offer him a sippy cup of water whenever he wakes. Your husband can take over night wakings for a while and let you sleep. Give him a supper of porridge with mashed banana every night before bed to make sure his tummy is full.

Sleep will continue to be up and down but if you night wean you'll never go back to the hell of him waking every hour or more.

Take him to places despite the crying. He'll cheer up when he's there. You need to get to baby groups and meet other mums for support. It does the world of good to have a bit of a moan with other women who have babies of a similar age.

And as for the food just feed him what you're making for yourself. Just don't salt your portion til after. Don't faff about making separate meals for him. Embrace the mess- he's learning- but don't cook multiple meals!

Completely normal. Lots of highs and lots and lots of lows with parenting. Ride the wave ❤️

I think, if sleep training doesn’t appeal to you, try co-sleeping? It does mean that you’re together all the time... But, if he sleeps better with you around, then great. You won’t get a full deep sleep as such, but you’re not getting it anyway waking all time & going into him. My baby hated the cot. Could be worth a shot.