How to make housework 50/50 when both parents work?

[mullingitallover]

Just curious to how other working families make the split of housework/parenting work.

It tends to fall into "what can I do to help you" territory from DP, which grates as the point is to help us all, not just me.

Thinking it all starts with good communication about everyone's roles in the house to start with.

Would love to hear how others divvy things up and keep things fair and balanced.

Not just cleaning, but things like groceries, meal planning, laundry, prepping the kids school lives/clubs/parties etc.

Things that can fall into the mother load.

I gave him full responsibility for a child. All clubs, payments and permissions. And various aspects in the house. One child is at secondary so it made sense.
It's on a spreadsheet and I don't step in. Not my problem the cat is hungry.. because he hasn't ordered her food on time (she's not starved just sometimes doesn't get her special food)

I have a cleaner twice a week

Oh and we alternate food shopping and planning. I walk away if he asks for ideas of things to eat on his week.
We are very much in love and happily married, I would add
I have a senior and fulfilling job and he is a lawyer

I think it begins with not marrying someone who thinks housework is a woman’s thing that an enlightened man ‘helps out with’. DH does all cooking and shopping, for instance, plus a lot of laundry. He’s not some icon of perfection, but it’s never occurred to him that what needs to happen to keep he house running is less his issue than mine.

I'm not in a 50/50 position myself, as I work shorter hours than DH so I do more around the house than him. But he definitely pulls his weight in the time he is available, so I can share some stuff that works for us.

Play to your strengths. For us that means that DH is in charge of the garden and DIY whereas I'm in charge of knowing when/where the kids need to be for activities, parties etc. That may sound sexist, but if it works then why not!

It can be more efficient to put one person in charge of an entire standalone chore rather than trying to share it fairly between you. So for example it's easier for one person to do all the meal planning / shopping / cooking one week and the other person the next week. Ditto laundry.

Oh and one last thing. We sit down on a Sunday night and run through the week. With the children (9 and 12). We write it on board including meals for the week.
It really stops the text in meetings 'what's for dinner'

The easiest way to keep it as fair as possible labour wise is each be in charge of set things. Flicking back and forth between who does what means the person with the higher standards or who is more motivated ends up doing more.
Divide things up, X is in charge of groceries, main food shops and top ups, Y is in charge of the bathroom etc. Y cooks, X cleans the kitchen after and does the dishes etc.

@absolutelyknackeredcow @LiteralSycamore @SmileWithADimple @Swiftswatch excellent advice to clearly separate and assign tasks, thank you. we did this in lockdown but it has since slipped.

There's a card 'game' called Fair Play that is supposed to be good for designating household tasks fairly (including the mental load). It works on the premise of specifically designating tasks for everyone in the household. I've not bought it yet as not back full time, but it has good reviews and is mentioned on here sometimes