Explaining stillbirth to 6 year old

[sensitivetopic1]

My grandson was born sleeping at 30 weeks, I have a 6 year old who is so excited to be an aunty, has anyone any advice on how I can explain it to her.
At the moment she just thinks that her big sister is being looked after overnight at the hospital. My eldest daughter (who still lives at home) is deciding whether or not to bring the baby home for a while when she is ready to leave hospital, has anyone done this with a young child in the house? We're all devastated and I want to support and help my girls as best as I can but feeling emotional and overwhelmed.

Hopefully someone will have some ideas OP I just wanted to say I’m sorry it must be a devastating time for your family

Oh you poor things. I wonder if there is a book on loss/grief etc that would be appropriate for this?

In some ways I wonder if it would be good for her to see him- it might help her process it and understand that he exists but that he has passed on. Also seeing him looking like he is asleep in a bassinet or in lovely clothes will stop her from imagining anything worse, if you see what I mean.

It would probably be good to talk to your older daughter about her feelings about where he is now (as in his essence) so you can also explain this to your little one too.

So sorry for your loss, that must be so hard. The lullaby trust have some helpful advice on their website, worth a look perhaps.

I obviously meant a book for young children that you could read with your daughter.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Had-Say-Goodbye-Before-Even/dp/1838161902/ref=ascdff1838161902nodl?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=499132405833&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15765268423348321325&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006976&hvtargid=pla-1424420656272&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&dplnkId=865918f8-ccae-4728-8cae-b74ac088034a

I'm so sorry.
This might be useful www.sands.org.uk/sites/default/files/•AW%20SUPPORTING%20CHILDREN%20211113%20LR%20SP%20LINKED.pdf

I have no advice. But I just want to say I am so so sorry that you're all going through this x

I am so sorry for your family’s loss.

When talking about it, you can use the word “died” and mention the baby is peaceful and looks like baby is asleep but be careful with your words. It is better to say something like the baby was wet poorly when born and that meant baby’s heart wasn’t strong enough so the baby died - the facts are useful at this age. Some kids hear the euphemisms about sleeping and it can cause confusion and anxiety around sleep.

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss . When i had a stillbirth my nephew for 5 at the time and had a very hard time understanding. It helped him to see photos although i appreciate that this is not everyone's choice. He also attended the funeral which seemed to help him process what had happened . Kids are resilient and your youngest will be OK in time. The best advice I can give you is that you both access a support group such as SANDS when you are ready.The hospital should provide the details, It's peer support from others who have been there.
I can't advice on bringing the baby own i wasn't offered this option.
I wish you peace and strength in the coming days,weeks and months please reach out to my inbox if you need to talk
Take care

I'm sorry for your loss.

"" I'm afraid something went wrong and the poor baby
didn't start breathing like they should, so they died. We feel very sad when someone dies".

I would certainly avoid any mention of "born sleeping".

A small child could then associate going to bed, and going to sleep with death, risk of dying in the night (for herself).

www.childbereavementuk.org/information-explaining-baby-loss

Very sorry for your loss. Something to bear in mind if your daughter does want to bring him home, is if the hospital have cold cots that that can loan out.

Factual is best. "I have something really sad to tell you. Your sister's baby was born yesterday but was very poorly and he has died." You can go on to talk about his name, how you will always remember and miss him, how sad her older sister is, and so on. Give her the opportunity to ask questions. Children can ask things you don't expect though so be prepared for anything.

Children often "puddle jump" with grief so she may run off and play and seem totally unaffected, but then bring it up again a while (hours, days or weeks) later when you least expect it. This is totally normal. Don't anticipate an adult response.

Winstons Wish is a really good resource.

So sorry for your and your daughters loss.

Children need clear, simple, short explanations, something like " before the baby was born it got very poorly, the doctors couldn't make them better and she/he died".

Let her know that her sister is ok and leaving the hospital today, that everyone is very sad and that that is OK. It's OK to clear and to feel bad that she won't be an auntie just now.

Winstons Wish have a website with lots of very good advice and resources as well as helplines if you need more support.