I can’t leave him any tips?

[Treattelollu]

My baby is 10 weeks and I have not had more than 5 minutes without him which was when I went into the doctors to get a prescription while my mum waited with him in the car. I am on my own as my partner left me 8 months pregnant. My parents are willing to take him whenever I want pretty much (neither work). I really want to get my hair done or just nip to the supermarket alone and I just can’t seem to do it. My mum has offered to come to the hairdressers and sit in the cafe next door but still I feel sick at the thought. It’s really impacting my mental health now as I have quite literally not done a thing alone for nearly three months. Is this normal? How can I stop it? I can’t even comprehend sending him to nursery and I will have to do this in the next four months. Please help.

I worry something will happen to him and I feel 100% responsible as my ex has absolutely no involvement and has never even met him. I am totally alone in all the decisions I make and feel overwhelmingly responsible for him.

It's so normal. He's ten weeks old! Most mums, even with supportive partners, can't leave baby for much longer. Could you manage a nap in your own bed while your mum has him for an hour/ takes him for a walk? You need sanity breaks but it needs to fe on your terms when you're ready!

I think it’s totally normal to not want to leave him yet, I no you feel more pressure as a single parent, but I wouldn’t worry about feeling this way about being close to your baby. It’s great you have an offer there for when you do feel ready.

I have a supportive DH and I didn't leave my baby for about 4 months - at all. He's now two and I've not left him overnight, and never with anyone other than my Dh or mum.

Don't rush it. Your baby needs to be close to you and you need to be with your baby.

This stage goes so quickly - things will change before you know it!

I think your ex leaving you when you were in such a vulnerable position has no doubt added to your anxiety which is completely understandable. Could your mum perhaps come round and you could go and have a nice bath? That way you’re in your own house, little baby is downstairs and can be brought up anytime and you get to experience a tiny bit of solitude. You might need to just start really really small.

Do you feel overwhelmed? Do you feel in control of your feelings?

Yes it’s normal not to leave him when he’s tiny and you shouldn’t feel any pressure to do so.

However I would keep an eye on those overwhelming feelings - if they are stopping you from doing ‘normal’ things like going to the hairdressers or the shops without him for an hour or so. Maybe worth a check as PND can creep up on you without you realising.

He's only little, don't be so hard on yourself. I remember going out for dinner when DD1 was about 3 months and being absolutely desperate to get home, I actually cried in the car on the way home and vowed never to leave her again. 6 months later I'd have left her with the child catcher if I could have had a full night's sleep.

Your baby is still only tiny. And you're doing everything on your own, don't be so hard on yourself! Totally normal to feel like this, single parent or not.

Try and book a hairdresser that's mobile who can come to you one evening. Your mum can keep baby entertained whilst you sit there and get your hair done and enjoy a glass of wine at the same time.
If you want to compromise, would your mum come to you and look after baby for the night so you can get a full nights sleep? Spend the evening in your room with a book and relax.

Nearer the time to nursery go and have some settling in sessions so you can see what the staff are like with your baby. If you see he's happy and content there it'll make it a lot easier. You're still months away from that yet so don't worry.
There's no rush, 4 months is a while away. You're still in the newborn stage. You sound like a fabulous mum and well done for doing it solo. I can't imagine it's easy at all.

I think is really OK to feel like this, maybe some OP suggestions are right about getting a bit of help around PND, or just take little steps and see how you get on. When DS4 was a few weeks old, DH used to encourage me to go to bed to get a couple of hours sleep before the middle of the night time wake ups would come. He is a night owl so maybe 1-2 am, last bottle etc. perfectly safe. Three kids in already, so no worries there. I should have been up to bed like a shot at 9 or 10pm, getting some sleep, as such a trusted person was with them - but no dice. I was back down, sometimes half an hour or an hour after, not able to sleep, wretched, crying, and wanting to be with him. It was so illogical when I think back to it, but I could not settle unless he was with me. By 6 months I think I would have let him and all of his slightly older siblings be babysat by anyone who was passing by ! This time of anxiousness, will, I am sure pass, but do talk to professionals if you are not sure. x

That's totally normal. My son is 9 months and haven't been away from him yet. X

This made me laugh because it’s so true!

It does get easier OP. Start small like a PP said. 💐

He is 10 weeks old. If you need time to yourself, it’s ok to take it, but there is no pressure for you to leave him at this stage. You will feel very differently a few months from now.

if you need a mental break but aren’t ready for something as big as the hairdresser, maybe just ask your mother to come over and be the point person with the baby while you lounge in another room and watch some tv or read a book. Just some time to yourself knowing that she will tag you in if she really needs you, but that she will handle everything normal would probably help.