Enjoying it more as a second time parent?

[caggie2]

T Minus 6 days until my c-section and I feel nervous but very excited. My older child is now 3.5, to be honest I struggled with his younger years and the pandemic so it took longer than we originally planned to have another but the positive is my eldest is in school some of the time so I'll get some lovely one on one time with my baby. I'm determined to enjoy it more this time and put way less pressure on myself by using what I learnt the first time around

That includes:

Remembering how quick it all goes, understanding the lack of sleep is hard but knowing it doesn't last, same with the difficult phases, regressions, long days/nights. I just know that I feel like I've blinked and my little boy is in school and so grown up.

Not worrying so much about everything, a little bit of formula doesn't hurt them and can save your sanity, it doesn't matter if they will only sleep in your arms/bed, you'll miss the cuddles so soon as they really don't need it for long

Soaking in every little detail, enjoying every little stage, not constantly wishing for the next. I couldn't wait for my son to walk, talk, etc and I feel I almost wished some of it away.

Does anyone have any wisdom that helped them really soak up being a second time parent? I feel like I was a deer in headlights the first 18 months of his life and I refuse to do it again!

I found second time around much easier (still hard!) following a very difficult time with DS.

The main thing I did differently in addition to the things you've already mentioned is to accept help. First time around I thought accepting help was a sign of failure. And I was grappling with the fact that my MIL was much more supportive than my mother. I'm very much over that now and will take all help especially from my wonderful MIL.

I'm finding it harder simply because I now have two children to look after, not just one.

The youngest has to be dragged on the school runs where he still screams in the car. He's 12 months nearly so hoping that lessens over the next 6 months.

I'm desperate for him to start walking, maybe even more so than I was for my first, I just now how much easier I found life once they can walk.

I don't stress about smaller stuff like I did with the first, I also know what I'm doing loads more so feel more confident.

I’m finding it so much easier second time around. Although there are two to look after, I think it means your standards are automatically a bit lower which can’t be a bad thing if you tend to lean towards perfectionism! It’s also more interesting having a toddler around with the baby some of the time. It breaks everything up and it doesn’t get too boring. It also means it’s harder to get too worked up about a nap routine because there’s too much going on. Time alone with the baby is also lovely because it’s not all the time.

I have also found the belief that it gets better has helped me so much. With DD1 I could see that she would eventually sleep and it would eventually get easier, but it was so hard to believe. But this time, I’ve lived it, so I believe it. And when it’s really rough, “I will never have a six week old baby again”, “I will never have a four month old baby again” has helped me to enjoy the good bits and grit my teeth through the tough bits!!

Also definitely get baby used to a bottle of formula a day if you can. It does zero harm at the worst, and at best it’s absolutely brilliant. It was a life saver with DD1. DH did a dream feed every evening and it got me a decent chunk of sleep. Didn’t work out with DD2 so she is ebf but god sometimes I wish she took a bottle!

I was so nervous about having my second baby too! I have / had a rather clingy DS aged 2, who was born just as lockdown was announced, so a mix of that and having no clue as a first time parent I had no clue what to expect (they don't come with a manual as they say!). I so struggled with the sleep deprivation (he's now a great sleeper) and just the general shock of having a baby 😂. All I could think with my second baby is how on earth will I get anything done (DS would not be put down!), i kept joking i wish i could give birth to a 12 week old as really didnt enjoy newborn phase etc etc - well I needn't have worried DD (now 5 months) is such a dream and I have LOVED the newborn phase. Like others have said, you know the tricky days are just a blip and there will be many more wonderful days that follow. The sleep deprivation hasn't bothered me a scrap this time, infact seeing her little smiling face in the twilight hours make it all worth it. We don't plan for anymore children, so knowing her first baby milestones will be the last baby milestones I get to experience has made me savour them (I felt such a rush for DS to sit up, to walk etc). It's also done DS a world of good in terms of being able to entertain himself for short periods and he has learnt that i can't always attend to his needs immediately (he could not play independently at all before DD). There will be days where you think omg this is SO hard, but other days you will feel like super mum! You got this 👏👏💪 xx

Sorry I wanted to also add that expecting your usual routine to have a wobble helped me massively! I went in having no expectations to be able to.keep to 6pm dinner etc and that helped me massively! Newborns just seem to know when you're about to hold a fork of hot dinner to your mouth don't they 😂. The times we would all just about to eat and DD would kick off would be countless! I just took a deep breathe and remembered that one day she will be sitting up here with having dinner 🥰. And now our daily meals, bath, bed routine has all synced back up again. I also can't believe she's 5 months, I honestly feel like I've had her 2 months! It absolutely flies xx

Yes. Am absolutely better second time round. Huge mum guilt for 1st. Wish I could do it all again and be:
Less neurotic about mess and dirt
Less concerned about milestones or intelligence (as Bluey's mum says, worry about their heads later, for now, just their hearts)
Less grumpy
More playful and more yes than no, make daily tasks into games, join in, play what they want to play.
Less of a control freak. Sometimes it shouldnt be my way or the highway, sometimes it should be about the happiest way. Pick your battles.
Less shouty. Keep your authority quiet and firm.

My 2nd dc is much happier and easier than my first because Im just not like I was. Anti depressants helped in my case!

I am having a C-section tomorrow @caggie2 and could have written your post myself! I too found my first a massive shock to the system and she was a difficult baby.
I really want to be able to relax more this one and know that everything is just a phase and try and appreciate it a lot more. Found the posts on here SO helpful and keep reading them to give me hope and keep in a positive mindset 🤞🏻 Xx

Knowing that everything is a phase helped me massively so the hard parts will pass and it helped me enjoy it as I knew certain nice bits wouldn’t last forever. With my second I also realised that babies will do what they want and it wasn’t my fault if they didn’t sleep or were unsettled etc