Separation anxiety from one parent

[ScottishMum03]

DS has not long turned 2. Usual spells of separation anxiety along the way especially in new places etc. All seemed perfectly normal.

For the last 2 weeks or so, if he’s hurt, upset, wakes in the night, needs a nappy change, teeth brushed, wants a meal etc and DH tries to help him, all hell breaks loose 😳😔
Hes been such a chilled out little boy up until this point. Not really a crier unless he’s hurt himself. Now, as soon as DH goes near him he’s literally inconsolable.
He’s having a really unsettled night tonight. I got up with him the first few times but I need to be up for work at 6am so DH got up to settle him when he woke at 3ish - within the space of 2 minutes he got so upset he was almost physically sick. Crying his wee head off “no daddy, Need mummy!” and physically pushing DH away. I took over to get him to calm down and he stopped crying instantly, cuddled right in with his face literally shoved right in my neck repeatedly saying “x needs mumma” and “love you mumma” 😭

DH has tried on a couple of occasions to persevere and see if he’ll settle but it so distressing for everyone when he’s that upset so I just end up having to take over. Obviously I don’t mind and I’d do anything for him (although I could do with more than 1 hours sleep 😭) but is this a normal level of separation anxiety at this age?! It just seems really extreme to have started so suddenly!

At any other times when he just wants to play, have stories etc he’s all over his dad.

I let this happen with both my sons, which resulted in them never accepting a story from daddy for a few years. Mistake. Don’t let your son see you when your husband is dealing with DS.

Going through the same with my 2 year old. It's all about mummy here too, but he is fine at nursery. No advice, just commiserations.

@LHReturns He can’t see me most of the time!! During the night DH went into his room to settle him. Screaming fit until he was almost being sick. Same thing this morning - DS woke up for the day and DH went to pick him up and bring him through to our room (he comes to our bed every morning for a book and a cuddle) and DS screamed bloody murder for me as soon as DH walked into his bedroom! Pushing him away as he was trying to lift him out of bed etc. As soon as DH sat him down beside me in our bed he was absolutely fine! DH then got back into bed and DS said “daddy read a book!” and cuddles straight in with his dad for a story.

@UsernameNotPresent It’s so strange isn’t it? Mine isn’t at nursery - I have a family member that watches him the 4/5 days a month that DH and I can’t juggle between our own work schedules. He hasn’t been with them at all the last 2 weeks so it’ll be interesting to see how he is next week when childcare comes back into play 😳😬

I'd tell him firmly that Daddy is looking after him. You're pandering to him and soon will be complaining you have to do everything for him and aren't getting any sleep. Giving in to him has shown him that turning on the waterworks and tantruming has got him his own way. You should have let his Dad deal with it, not rushed in to save the day.

Ugh I feel your pain. My boys are now 8 and 5 and still obsessed with mummy.I should have stopped rescuing my husband when he was struggling. It made him feel shit as I swooped in in my cape. In the end I left the house so he could do bedtimes alone. Boys KNOW there is no one else coming, just daddy.

I also have a DH problem by the looks of things. He doesn't want to persevere through tears, he would rather I take over. He does look after him when I have to work antisocial hours sometimes, but neither of them are happy about it.

@RedHelenB I should add - when it comes to things like meals, nappies, teeth brushing etc, I absolutely do not interfere! The only time I’ve taken over is during the night. Personally, If he’s screaming the house down then I can’t sleep anyway so I’d rather the situation just be diffused quickly than me having to lay there awake listening to him distressed. Maybe I am just too soft 🤷🏻‍♀️

@UsernameNotPresent @LHReturns Fair enough - maybe it is just me being too soft. I will back up my DH though - I absolutely don’t have a DH problem. He’s done his fair share of everything since Day 1. This is very much something that’s suddenly come on in the last 2 weeks. Obviously he finds it quite unsetting that DS suddenly screams anytime he’s near him but he’d never expect me to do everything just because it’s easier.