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Original poster

DD accused of bullying.

17 replies

helbel34 · 19/01/2023 00:28

On Sunday night my DD 10 received a message from another child in her class, it read your a f*ING liar fat rat 🐁. The child that sent the message was annoyed that my DD couldn't add her to their friend group chat as she wasn't the group admin.

DD had sent the message onto the chat and then showed it to me, she was quite shocked and upset. I forwarded the screen shot of the message onto the girl's mother. She spoke with her daughter and she apologized and daughter apologized the following day at school. My daughter said that she accepted her apologies but didn't want to be friends anymore. I felt that it was her choice.

On to tonight, I received a text from girl's mother, she feels that her daughter is being bullied as my daughter has shared this message and others at school have seen it, and as my DD doesn't want to still be friends. She sees this as just as bad or worse.

How would you deal with this, I feel that if the girl hadn't sent the message this wouldn't have been a issue.

OP posts:
Merple · 19/01/2023 00:35

It sounds like both are involved with nasty behaviour. Encourage a resolution. As adults, how can we help them to get on and resolve this?

VincaBlue · 19/01/2023 00:44

I think it's very common for parents who are told their child has been nasty to try and pass the blame back. She'll probably go to the teacher next and say her child is being bullied

pleaseandthankyou45 · 19/01/2023 01:05

I can see why your daughter passed it on but probably best to have a talk with her about not gossiping and throwing gas on a fire. But no I don't think she is a bully for this.

Dontsparethehorses · 19/01/2023 01:16

so I would unpick this for dd- the other girl made a mistake and did something unkind. What your dd did was share this mistake with everyone. That made the other girl feel even more embarrassed when she realised her mistake. It’s similar to a child who lashes out or says something unkind in an argument to one child and then that child going and telling everyone what they have done. We unpick this at school with older children regularly. For me it’s about explaining we all make mistakes and do things we regret. If we treat others as we want to be treated then would we want everyone else to know about our mistake or do we tell an adult and allow them to sort it out without everyone else needing to know?

SandyY2K · 19/01/2023 01:20

Your daughter shouldn't have shared the message. The girl apologised and your daughter accepted the apology.

To share it with others, had one intention...but they're all kids and will make mistakes.

You should be telling your daughter her actions were wrong.

FeckingHungryMozzies · 19/01/2023 01:22

Your DD did the right thing in calling out the bullying behaviour. I just reply to the other parent with well would you want to be friends with someone who called you a fucking liar fat rat?

Her DD is a nasty bully and good for your DD dealing with it.

CircleofWillis · 19/01/2023 02:13

10 is too young for an unmoderated WhatsApp group.

BananaCocktails · 14/05/2023 09:32

She said the message before the apologies they have both apologise to each other now, so there’s nothing else to do
10-year-olds don’t understand the concept of what they do in terms of sharing messages and I doubt the other kids care as it was a spat between those two
I would say I’m really sorry that she shared the message. However they have both apologise to each other now so let’s just leave it at that. Because your daughter called my daughter fat rat out the blue she was quite shocked and upset and that’s probably why
anyway, can we just please leave it at that I’m not sure what else I can do

FatGirlSwim · 14/05/2023 09:35

Dontsparethehorses · 19/01/2023 01:16

so I would unpick this for dd- the other girl made a mistake and did something unkind. What your dd did was share this mistake with everyone. That made the other girl feel even more embarrassed when she realised her mistake. It’s similar to a child who lashes out or says something unkind in an argument to one child and then that child going and telling everyone what they have done. We unpick this at school with older children regularly. For me it’s about explaining we all make mistakes and do things we regret. If we treat others as we want to be treated then would we want everyone else to know about our mistake or do we tell an adult and allow them to sort it out without everyone else needing to know?

Brilliant post

FatGirlSwim · 14/05/2023 09:37

CircleofWillis · 19/01/2023 02:13

10 is too young for an unmoderated WhatsApp group.

And this. Take your dd off WhatsApp.

My dd was the only one not on a class WhatsApp group in y6 because I wouldn’t let her. She hated this until the afternoon when the others were all spoken to by the police about cyber bullying while she got to do art with the TA because she wasn’t on WhatsApp.

CheeseTouch · 14/05/2023 09:38

What @Dontsparethehorses said.

It’s a good lesson for them that actions have consequences. Hopefully not to be repeated.

Questionsforyou · 14/05/2023 09:38

DD had sent the message onto the chat

Yep you need to teach her to not do this.
And to be honest, whole group chats for 10 year olds seems like a whole load of shit waiting to happen.

CheeseTouch · 14/05/2023 10:23

I agree that 10 is too young for WhatsApp group chats. And that kids will make mistakes and need the chance to learn from them.

That said, where I’m from originally, your daughter would have been seen to be doing a public service to the others in the group, in publicising such an unnecessarily nasty message. It would be seen as a kindness to the others to warn people about the character of this girl.

…So just be aware that attitudes may vary regarding this incident, especially if there are families from different backgrounds.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 14/05/2023 10:27

I’d say that sounds like consequences, and her DD should take a lesson from it.

Liorae · 14/05/2023 10:37

10-year-olds don’t understand the concept of what they do in terms of sharing messages
Someone who doesn't get that concept should not be on social media.

CheeseTouch · 14/05/2023 10:38

Yes, and yes!

Theos · 14/05/2023 10:39

Proof that age 10 is too young to have WhatsApp

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