Baby doesn’t like DH

[Moonshine160]

4 month old DS has always wailed when DH holds him or tries to settle him, especially in an evening. He is breastfed with the occasional bottle of expressed milk. Tonight for example I’ve felt rubbish so was going to have a nice bath but it didn’t happen because I could hear DS screaming when DH was trying to settle him to sleep. It makes me feel bad for DH because he said it’s making him feel rejected and he’s struggling to bond with DS, and I also feel crap because I just can’t get a break. DS is so smiley and happy when he’s with me and it makes me sad that DH doesn’t get to see this side to him. Will he grow out of it? This is our second child. DS1 was never like this. He was always a mummy’s boy but was happy for DH to hold/play with him too.

Anyone?

You and your DH need to frame this differently. Your little one is 4 months old! He doesn’t “dislike”‘your DH, he just wants his mum, most likely for milk more than anything else. It’s not unusual for a breastfeed baby to need their mum to settle to sleep at that age.

Are there other times your DH could try to spend with him eg after a feed, bathtime etc? Could you play with him together?

It’s nothing personal to your DH at all.

Hi,

My son is almost 6 months now. Its only in the past few weeks that he's allowed his dad to settle him during the night. Up until then, I had to nurse him to sleep each time he woke up. My partner is also still not able to settle him to bed at the start of the night - we tried once a few weeks ago and our son was just crying until I came and nursed him.

It hasn't affected their bond though. When my son is awake, he's all smiles and giggles and has a great time with his dad. He just needs me during the night a bit more still. But again, it's taken a bit of time for them to get to that point.

I saw advice on here to make sure DH does things with DS that DD likes - eg if he loves bathtime, then DH can give him a bath, even if it's the middle of the day.

Check for basics - does DH have stubble or a sharp beard? Or a watch that digs in/is cold? Or scratchy jumper?

Is it timing - DH is home and trying to settle him at a time he'd be grizzly anyway?

No advice but solidarity. My 5 mo is exactly the same.

A 4 month old baby doesn't know what like & dislikes even means. They have no concept of that. Silly conclusion to come too.

You have the milk your baby wants, your husband doesn't. It really is as simple as that.

Your baby is 4 months old. He doesn't dislike anyone! This is totally normal, especially for a BF baby. Dad needs to focus on building a bond - Mum is already doing that by breastfeeding

My son is 17 1/2 months and my husband put him to bed successfully for the first time... yesterday. He loves his dad and they've always had a great relationship. But he wouldn't let him put him to bed.

In my experience this only happens when dad doesn’t actually do enough.
The baby likes what it knows and feels comfortable with. There’s no secret hidden reasoning.
If you want the baby to settle with dad he just needs to do it more.

Imo you don’t let a baby totally dictate your life. I find it infuriating when people say “dad can’t settle baby. Child doesn’t let dad do X,Y,Z”.
Think about nursery, the baby isn’t used to the nursery workers and is upset initially at the change. After spending time together the baby bonds with the nursery workers in a matter of days, even being comforted to sleep by them!
Don’t fall into the trap of doing everything because ‘dad can’t’ or you will be doing everything for years.

Can you give DH one of your tops that needs washing while you take a break, then it will smell of you and may comfort him a bit. You =food that’s it

Is your DH taking DS1 a lot when he's free? We've just had DS2 and it's so easy to divide and conquer and end up with the situation where I feel I'm not seeing DS1 and DP feels like they're not seeing DS2!

So whilst I agree he doesn’t dislike him both my 2 have always struggled with dh. I had pnd both times and would go out and do supermarket shop without them. Dh would have a crying baby but it was just how it was. He definitely struggled with his relationship with them as young babies. They are now 6&8 and whilst they prefer time with me will spend time with him. Normally when I’m gone they will be fine. I realise this makes it sound like we are separated! We aren’t and I’m not a stay at home mum - went back to work after 9 months part time both times. I think for us it was a mixture of tricky baby and dh then stepped away. I’ve always loved being a mum (pnd aside!) where as he has found the adjustment to fatherhood trickier

Very normal, your smell is familiar and comforting to him. Plus you have the food!!
Let him keep trying, maybe go out for a walk to give yourself a break. If he's trying to bond with child during witching hours (5-8pm) this is typically when babies are most unsettled/cluster feeding so much more likely to need you. Id try more on days off to do some skin to skin, maybe have a bath together.

He just wants his mommy right now. Don’t worry, he may become daddy’s boy later. Enjoy this time even though you’re exhausted. I can relate. But the time goes by like a flash. Everybody told me it would but I didn’t realize how right they were. Relax and enjoy.