Toddler fruit/veg refusal and constipation

[Kindofcrunchy]

I know there are loads of old threads on this, but most seem to suggest that their toddler is having at least some fruit which isn't relevant in our situation.

At around 2 my toddler decided he didn't eat what we eat any more and he has refused most vegetables.

He's recently turned 3 and now he won't eat any fruit except bananas anymore. As a result he is very constipated and we are desperate to fix this as his bottom is getting very sore from straining to go.

I should also mention we are vegan, though it probably doesn't make much of a difference in this situation.

Typically he eats for breakfast:
Bran flakes or shreddies with alpro growing up milk
(refuses all other types of healthy cereal)
Wholemeal toast with spread
He used to have an apple at breakfast but now refuses this

Lunch box at nursery:
Peanut butter sandwich on wholemeal bread
Fruit winder (bear snacks kind, not kellogs)
Sometimes he'll have a handful of cashews but not always
He used to have grapes/pears with this but now refuses them

Still naps after lunch so has growing up milk with multivitamin then.

He has a fruit yogurt as a snack in the afternoon, but sometimes refuses this and eats whatever is left in his lunchbox (but not the fruit)

Dinner is usually a disaster. We offer him whatever we have, for example chilli with rice and and vegetables, but he always refuses it all. He will sometimes eat plain pasta, plain white rice, plain uncooked tofu or a slice of violife cheese. He won't eat anything with a sauce. Usually he refuses all of this and asks for a banana.

The weird thing is when people visit, like his grandma who lives quite far away, he'll eat whatever fruit they offer him - for instance, while she stayed at Christmas he ate satsumas, blueberries, pears. We've tried offering these since she's been gone and he refuses it all.

Husband thinks it's a phase and he'll grow out of it, doesn't see the point in making any radical changes to his diet. This "phase" of food refusal has now lasted over a year, and with most fruit not being an option, I'm afraid of what the long term consequences will be.

I've been trying to get a gp appointment since they reopened with no luck, though I'm not sure how they can help, and his health visitor is on leave so feel like I have no one to talk to about this. I'm also 40 weeks pregnant so finding it extremely hard to stay calm and not get upset about his eating in front of him.

If anyone has any suggestions for something we can try I would be really grateful. So far he grown wise to us putting chia seeds in yogurt etc. I know movicol is an option but I don't think he'll consent to having it.

Hiya. Our son is a vegetarian as am I and his dad is vegan so we probably make some similar meals to you. Veg wise our son is a bit picky but loves carrots and sweet potato. I sneak veg in by making sweetcorn fritters full of spinach and I batch cook egg fried rice with very finly diced peppers, baby corn, green beans and brocoli. I put a tiny bit of teriyaki sauce and some sesame oil on the fried rice and he loves it.
Fruit wise I mix mango pulp with some vegan yoghurt and make icelollys for him. When he had chicken pox I blitzed spinach into the lollypop mix, the mango is so strong he didn't notice. He gets Freddies Farm fruities which go down well and are 1 portion of fruit per bag. Otherwise he loves honeydew melon so that vould be worth trying if you haven't already.
Plain pasta with pesto is an easy winner. My son doesn't like pasta sauces either. You can also get veg finger that I put in a sandwich with a bit of ketchup they go down really well. Alot of the vegan/veggie nuggets are actually pretty healthy and with some 'dip' (yoghurt) they go down no question.
If he seams to be having the fruit from other people maybe just put a small bowl out with some grapes or wedges of melon and make a big deal of having some yourself, he might copy and not feel like he has to have it. Or maybe make a game when the reward is fruit.

Although we aren't vegan, we've had similar issues with our DD in the past. Refusing everything and demanding bananas! The fact he's accepting food from other people suggests he's testing your boundaries. I focused on describing how the food tastes and how it makes you strong so you can run faster, hop higher etc. It engaged a conversation about how nice the food is and what it tastes like rather than "just east your food!!". I also started naming dishes based on favourite things, so recently I've been doing "rainbow rice" because out DD is obsessed with rainbows. We name the colours of veggies in the rice and sing the rainbow song (I know all of this sounds ridiculous but it worked for us because it kept things positive I think!). We also had to negotiate a fair bit. If she ate her dinner, she could have a banana afterwards. If she didn't eat her dinner, no banana and dinner was offered back to her if she said she was hungry later. If she still refused, so be it, her choice and she dealt with the consequence. Mostly it was a phase (v. frustrating) but not making a huge deal of it and keeping things light and positive really helped. Could you ask his nursery worker to have some 1:1 time with him to support you too? Sometimes they'll only listen to those who aren't mummy and daddy!

I'd take all the pressure off and not mention it to him again. Get some fruit he hasn't seen before/for a while and just eat it in front of him. Make no mention of it. See if he asks for some. Do this regularly with fruit and veg, just let him see you eating it and enjoying it and wait for FOMO to kick in.

In the meantime, smoothies are a good way of getting fruit into them. A tomato sauce with veg whizzed up in it used as a pizza topper or pasta sauce. Use a smoothie mix to make lollies. Fruit juice should help constipation. You can use fruit puree as a mix in yoghurt or ice cream, in baking or instead of jam. Dried fruit can work if you offer in a bag, almost like sweets.

Thanks all for taking the time to reply.

Sadly he won't eat anything with a sauce on it and asks for it to be cleaned off. He won't eat sauce or dips separately. That goes for ketchup, houmous, other condiments as well. He won't "dip" food in sauces either :(

I really feel like I've failed with him and this fussy eating is of our making somehow, even though we model good eating habits, clear our plates and eat fruit and veg in front of him etc. We thought we were being gentle and letting him make his own choices, which worked amazingly up until 18 months ish where he ate almost everything, but now his palete is shrinking so small I'm actually considering dropping veganism just to get some foods that aren't carbs in him. Husband is very against this.

@shonalola Going to try the veg fritters but I expect the answer will be "Yuck!" as usual. Will be nice for us though 😂 it sounds like your boy has a really varied taste in food though, I'm envious! There is no way my son would touch carrots, sweet potatoes or melon despite us regularly eating those things in front of him. I absolutely love teriyaki anything so I'm gutted he won't eat it 😞

@shemovesshemoves21 our current approach is as you say, saying how nice the food is and describing how it tastes and how good it is for your body. He isn't the slightest bit interested. As banana is the only fruit he'll eat at the moment I'm reluctant to negotiate with it, but I know it's probably making his constipation worse. It's getting incredibly hard to keep things light and cheerful, I'm leaning towards the "don't mention it at all" approach now :(

@nuffsaidsam those are some really helpful methods with fruit juice, thanks. We haven't tried smoothies yet as we don't tend to have them ourselves, but that's the next thing on the list to try. I think he would reject an ice lolly that wasn't out of a packet, but that's something we can also try, as well as the "sweets". The FOMO tactic has been tried and tested sadly.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughtful replies, you've given us some things to think about and try. I have to admit now is probably a terrible time to try and sort his eating out given the imminent new arrival but it's worth a shot. Anything is better than getting upset and having to hide it from him every time he rejects something. He must be feeling immense pressure from us subconsciously but I don't know how to fix that :(

Looms like he's having a decent amount of fibre. This may be obvious but how much water does he drink? Fibre without water doesn't help you go.

Butternut squash and/or lentils is also a great food for softening things up, will he eat that? They can be pretty bland if you cook them without spices

Hi any updates please ?