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Original poster

Help - newborn won't sleep unless held

26 replies

KelaS · 05/02/2008 16:10

Hi all. DD is 7 days old, nd after the first night at home was quite happy sleeping in her moses basket for a few hours at least, meaning DP and I could both get some sleep! However for the last couple of days she has decided that she will only sleep in someone's arms - falls asleep no problem, but wakes up within 2 mins of being put down - any ideas what I can do to get some sleep tonight?

OP posts:
speak2deb · 05/02/2008 16:13

IMO you just have to tough it out and put her down. She will fall asleep eventually. It might not even take as long as your fear.

When my dd was wee, I read somewhere that if you always put them down awake, rather than letting them fall asleep in your arms, it would make the whole going to bed thing easier later on.

I followed this advice and she's been a brilliant sleeper. That might just be dumb luck tho.

IwansMam · 05/02/2008 16:34

Congrats on your LO. What's happening with your DD is quite normal. You could try the floppy arm test which is to only put DD down when there is absolutely no resistance in her arm when lifted. This may work. Alternatively, put a breast pad or worn top in the moses basket so she can smell you.

Sorry for the short post but DS demanding attention. Try searching the sleep thread for more ideas - this comes up periodically and I think there's been a couple of threads in recent weeks.

intravenouscoffee · 05/02/2008 16:36

Hiya, had similar problem with DD when she was small. Spent a couple of very frustrating afternoons putting her down in her basket, talking to her so she knew I was still there and then picking her up when she got upset and starting the whole process all over again. Not fun, but after a couple of days she suddenly got the idea and started to settle for longer periods. It took a long while before she'd got off to sleep without crying at all although I've since leaned that some babies use crying as a way of getting themselves to sleep in the early days (would have saved me lots of guilt if I'd known that at the time...) I was really tempted to just let her fall asleep in my arms at first but thinking long term realised it wasn't a good plan so tried to get her used to her basket/cot quite early on - think I read the same thing as deb - but still lots and lots of cuddles and I never left her to cry for longer than a couple of minutes, felt it was mean when she was only tiny and didn't know where she was etc. Not sure if that's any help. As with all things, it will get better, honest!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
beansprout · 05/02/2008 16:39

Have you tried swaddling?

Ds2 is 13 days old and just wanted to be in bed with me but hsslept in his cot since we started swaddling him (also v effective with ds1).

PetitFilou1 · 05/02/2008 16:39

Some babies are just like this. My ds slept on top of either me or dh in the bed for the first 6 weeks or so. We gradually weaned him off, moving him into the pram beside the bed and then eventually into the cot. I had him in the sling a lot in the day too, he was just a baby who wanted to be attached. Your dd has been comfortably held for the last 9 months with the noise of your body around her - it actually isn't that weird if you think about it.
What happened to me a few weeks in was that dh was on call and not at home at bedtime. I put ds down to sleep and he yelled but I thought 'sod it I need to eat!' so I just left him while I made my supper and lo and behold he went to sleep. So I agree with speak2deb too but probably not as early as 7 days old. Good luck with it, it is a constant learning curve!

sidey · 05/02/2008 16:39

Have you tried swaddling her in a blanket. Sometimes they like to feel wrapped up

VictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 16:46

These are meant to bew great for babies who liek to feel held, it's a normal reaction after beign so cooped up inside the womb, it's apparently quite nnerving to suddenly be so free, almost like a falling feeling.

seeker · 05/02/2008 16:49

So cuddle her - take her into bed with you and sleep together. She'll only be tiny for the blink of an eye - enjoy it while it lasts.

sidey · 05/02/2008 16:55

they advise not to sleep with a baby though. Problem is that the baby will get used to being held all of the time.

VictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 17:02

Sidey, if you want to take a baby to bed and look up co-sleeping, ratehr than just doing it, then you can see all the guidelines and it isn't anywhere near as risky as it is claimed.

Co-sleeping is not a big problem if done properly, there are in fact studies that show babies regulate their breathing and temperature based on their mother whilst sleeping.

sidey · 05/02/2008 17:07

Just where I work we advise moms not to do it. Can you direct me to these guidelines?

VictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 17:09

Sure, lemme find them I have them bookmarked.

VictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 17:15

Here is some of the actual experiments and findings that have been done.

if you go here there are guidelines that are recommended to the NHS, and also the guidelines it mentions in the paer to follow.

sidey · 05/02/2008 17:18

Cheers will have a read

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 05/02/2008 17:19

I agree co sleeping can really help, but do read up on it first.

VictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 17:29

I'm not sure if I linked the right thing to you!
So just incase this is the guidelines, the other bit, I think was the consensus, but I'm not sure, sorry too many bookmarks!

ruty · 05/02/2008 17:33

Agree totally with VictorianSqualor. We had a nightmare first 3 months with ds as he would not sleep anywhere but my arms. I finally put him in bed with us [and followed guidelines] and we both slept beautifully after that. Read the stuff VS has linked to.

NoviceKnitter · 05/02/2008 18:04

Anohter vote for co-sleeping - and slings. DD was like this and we ended up taking her into our bed. Never had a sleep deprived night since. She's 7 months now and only just learning to cope with being put down - but still not awake. I think some babies are just like this and actually I really like it now as I've had seven months of one long cuddle! Slings are key though if you're to get anything done in the day...

ruty · 05/02/2008 18:06

sling for the day!

Original poster
KelaS · 05/02/2008 20:58

Thanks for all the advice. I have tried swaddling, but she likes to wriggle and I don't think she likes being confined. As for co-sleeping, I have thought about it, and am quite tempted, but we only have a small double, and I am quite big, and I just don't think there is room for her to be in with us safely.

That said, she has been in the basket pretty much since I posted earlier, think this is because she is tired as hasn't slept much today. Her dad put her in awake a little while ago after changing her nappy and soothed her to sleep in there, so I think I will keep trying this as some of the early posters suggested - just means less cuddles for me I do have a sling which I haven't used yet, but I think it will get brought out once my mum goes home (has been staying to help out) and DP goes back to work.

I like the idea of a breast pad in the basket with her - will give that a try too.

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 05/02/2008 21:10

Just like you, I thought ds hated being swaddled as he seemed to really wriggle. However, with hindsight I think I should have kept up with it when he was wee, as when I started doing it again when he was 3mo he loved it, and would be swaddled for his naps until he was 9mo.

DS had very strong reflexes until he was probably a couple of months old, so it was hard to settle him in his cot/moses basket for a decent period of time. But if I carried on the swaddling, this probably would have helped settle him.

Good luck, you'll both crack it xx

Original poster
KelaS · 07/02/2008 15:51

Woo hoo!! We slept last night!! Not sure exactly what it was that did it, although I did try a few things that we suggested here, such as putting her in the basket awake and letting her settle herself. Anyway, she slept from 1045 to 3am, and again from 430 to 730, which is the most she has slept overnight yet, so I am feeling great today. And bless her, she didn't even cry when she woke up, just started stirring quitely, it quite freaked me out both times when I woke up, as at first I forgot I had put her in the basket, and didn't know where she was!!

Thanks for all your advice everyone, and keep your fingers crossed that this wasn't just a fluke!!

OP posts:
intravenouscoffee · 07/02/2008 17:19

Fantastic news! Really pleased for you. Fingers crossed for tonight!

zebedee1 · 07/02/2008 19:23

Pop a hot water bottle in the moses basket for a bit to warm it up before you put DD in to sleep. Sometimes going from warm mummy to cold basket can unsettle them

NancyH074 · 08/10/2019 06:25

I heard that there was something called sleep training. It is supposed to help your baby to get on the right schedule when it comes to sleeping. I want to know if anyone has heard about this.