Co parenting

[cheeseandwineissofine]

Didn't really know what to write as the title but basically my 3 year old every week says he doesn't want to go to his dads.

My question to mumsnetters is at what age did you decided that your child could make up their own mind to not want to see their other parent?

I'm a first time mum so this is all new to me. If I had my way I would not make him go but I'm not sure that would stand well in court should it get that far as my son is only 3.

When he goes, does he settle down quickly and easily? When he returns, is he happy and okay? Do you have concerns about how he is treated when he is there?

My 3 year olds regularly told me they didn't want to go to nursery. Crying and upset. I'd disappear out of sight. peek in viewing window 5 minutes later... happy as larry. On return for pick up - "I need to finish this picture, mummy" or "I love [key worker].

3 is too young to make this decision. But it is reasonable for you to genuinely decide if it is the right decision to insist he goes, depending on how he is when he's there.

Thank you for replying. His dad is a good dad. We may not be together but I'll never knock his ability to be a good dad.

It just tugs at my heartstrings as I hated going to my dads from such a young age I would have loved to to have gone.

He always seems happy enough on returning. X

I think if you have bo concerns and he seems happy overall, then no, he doesn't get a say. They go through long periods where basically they will always choose mum.over dad. Every bloody time. Its not cruel to insist that sometimes that's not an option.

I'm in a similiar situation but my boys are younger, so they can't express their wishes whether to have contact with their father or not. But the second they say they don't want to go then they don't have to go, even if we're in the car on the way there then I will turn the car round.

BUT my ex is an emotionally manipulative and abusive twat- so there's a big difference

I think courts say around 12. I could be wrong but certainly not at 3. He’s a good dad, I’d just try and encourage it as much as possible. I’m sure he settles down and enjoys it. My daughter cried most drop offs at nursery from 9 months to 4yrs old, then more at school. But I carried on as no choice and I knew that the minute I left she was absolutely fine

Thanks everyone
I want him to see his dad and his dad wants to see him and I don't want to stop contact and as I said no concerns just breaks my heart when he cries.

I think I will encourage it for as long as I can as he needs his dad in his life.

Thanks everyone again xx

My youngest DGC went thro this stage at pretty much the same age. He would have full on tantrums when his dad came to pick him up. He's 4.5 now and goes very happily.

My DD just stayed firm in that daddy loved him and wanted to spend time with him. He was fine once there. Maybe it's an attachment phase but it did pass