Not looking forward to DD starting nursery!

[Mamabear04]

DD starts nursery in 2 days PM only. She's 3yo and has never been left with anyone outside of myself, DH and DP. I took her to see the nursery a couple of months ago and she seemed to like it and the staff were really good with her. I was feeling really confident until last week when I took her to a gymnastics class. We used to go to this when she was 2yo and the parents used to go in to help but now she is 3yo the parents wait outside. I did speak with her about this and explain that she needed to go into gymnastics by herself but when we got there she had a meltdown and was so scared of the teachers. She just clung to my leg and I ended up having to stay and help her to join in. At one point I tried to sit at the side of the hall and watch but she immediately stopped wouldn't join in. Now I'm terrified of her starting nursery. I'm trying to speak positively about it to her and remind her of the things she liked when we visited there. Any advice? Both to help her and also to help me (I'm so anxious about it!)

Also on a side note - should I let her take her favourite bunny? I'm so worried she looses it or it gets really dirty but think it would be a good comfort for her....

Also should stop gymnastics until she has settled into nursery? Just thought maybe this was really silly to start it now...

You being visible doesn't help them.

I'd be preparing her as much as possible by talking about how she'll go to nursery and you'll go to work etc.

Also consider putting her in for more than 2 short sessions, as it won't be "long enough" for her to get used to the idea of being away from you. She'll just be almost used to nursery on day 2 and then back with you for 5 whole days...and then it's all about going to nursery again after a long break.

So if you could (for example) do Mon, Tues, Thurs and Friday afternoon it would become more routine.

Ask the nursery what they suggest if it comes to tears.

Don't take the bunny. Kids quite often find a suitable transitional object at nursery - DD had a favourite soft toy she would seek out.
This is quite normal behaviour and she's not used to doing anything without you, so it's not surprising that she's a bit scared.
Maybe don't oversell the nursery. Keep it light and perhaps don't keep mentioning it. When you drop her off be very clear that she's going to be at nursery for a little while and then you'll be coming back for her so she doesn't need to worry about that. Tell her what you're going to do after nursery.

As for bunny... Again ask nursery. But be prepared for it to get lost... Never send anything into nursery you're not willing to lose forever.

My DD did only 2 mornings a week at nursery until she started pre-school..
She didn't love it, but was ok. She wouldn't have loved it more if she'd attended more! Don't give up your time with her for the sake of more nursery time. There's precious little enough time when they're small already.

My on absolutely love nursery, school on the other hand is too much for him.
Is the bunny replaceable, if so buy another one now to replace it because it will get lot?

Or instead of bunny (the advice about not sending in anything you don't mind losing is good) maybe buy a special new friend to go with her? (And have a spare..)

That’s normal for a gymnastics club, whether or not she’s ready for that or even enjoys it is your call. It’s not comparable to nursery really where she’ll be spending a lot more time and will have more choice of activities etc. I wouldn’t conflate the 2. And no I wouldn’t send the bunny. My DD has one too and it lives in her bed. Not only is it too precious to lose but also it makes her go soppy/sleepy- when she’s holding it she sucks her thumb nonstop but doesn’t any other time. She’ll be fine, just don’t make a huge deal in the run up and be positive and breezy at drop off.

Just to say OP, my DD just turned 3 at Christmas and started nursery last week.... she has also had me at home her whole life due to covid/2nd baby maternity leave.
She was very excited about going and we spoke about it a lot beforehand etc, was perfect going into the building etc... then started howling as soon as I went to hand her other at her room! 💔 I felt awful!

She went Monday/Tuesday last week, had a wobble/cry each morning at handover but once she was in the nursery staff assured me she was absolutely fine and played no probs, and didn't look for me/us at all until she saw us at "pickup". In the car on the way home, we talked about what she had played with/who she had played with etc and we made a big fuss of her.

She went off this morning with a tiny wobble, and I'm hoping for better again tomorrow.

It's a big adjustment for them, my mother always says "they don't miss you til they see you" and that's certainly been true of my DD.

Hopefully your little one will adjust just fine after an initial settling in period; most kids do no probs 🤍

And I wouldn't take the bunny...!

Don't take the bunny, recipe for disaster.
Don't hover, it will make it worse. Kiss, hug, I'll be back soon, cheery wave and off you go.

Speak to nursery. My nursery found best way was quick handover and I left. They could then get on and distract her. It's hard leaving them but I knew she would feed off my emotion, so had to stay strong for her.

Only take bunny if you can buy 4 more identical bunnies for washing/ to replace if lost

I feel for you OP! DD is a sensitive wee thing with separation anxiety (her dad died very suddenly) and she still cries every morning when she goes to school. She says she loves school, is always happy to go, is absolutely fine on the way, and happy and excited as can when she comes out, but at the moment of parting, she almost always wails.

I've been doing this for almost 3 years now between nursery, preschool and school, and I can tell you that there's nothing you can do to make it stop. The best way is a cheery kiss and cuddle goodbye, remind her that you'll see her at pick up time, and then hand her over to a teacher and leave without looking back. She will have stopped crying before you even leave the car park, I promise, and it's not a reflection of how much they like nursery – DD does it when I leave her with her favourite auntie and big cousin and that is her absolute favourite place! Some kids just don't handle goodbyes or transitions well.

She will probably be totally fine after the first few days. But even if she's not, just drop and go and trust that she'll be grand within minutes.

Oh and absolutely no bunny.

My daughter takes her bunny to nursery but we put it in the front pocket of her bag just before she goes in but she just likes to know he is there. When she first started when she was 2 she would take him in with her then the staff would get her to put him in the bag after half hour or so..so maybe just ask them if she isn't willing to put him in before going in.
It will be hard at first, she will cry but she will be fine and she will get used to it and enjoy it. My daughter would cry at drop off but the staff promised me, and i believe them, that she was literally fine once she was in there. You hanging around will not help. Personally I think you have to stick with it because if you don't do it now think how much worse it will be when she starts school and has had even longer not being left anywhere.

Those saying don't take her comforter?!! What the actual?! I work in a nursery. Please please do take her comforter, or at least a teddy she recognises as hers which she can cuddle if she gets upset. Be prepared for tears but keep taking her, she will soon settle and be telling you all about her day.

my kids started nursery at 4 (then school at 5) and what helped was telling them they could come home if they wanted to. obviously only an option if you're a sahm or have days off etc. they 'tested' me a few times. we got to playschool, they decided they didn't want to go, so we came home no questions. it make them realise that i wasn't 'just saying' they didn't have to go. then they realised it was fun and stopped asking to come home ;)

I would never have sent it anyway but DD went to 2 ‘nurseries’ and neither allowed them. The first was an American daycare that followed AAP safe sleep guidelines of no objects in cribs which meant a comforter ban since you can’t allow it into school but take it away for naps without causing upset. And this policy went up until they moved to the toddler room and at that point they weren’t in the habit of having them anyway. The second was a British school nursery and they had a no outside toy policy too. I never asked why, maybe to avoid sharing squabble or stuff getting lost.

This! When my DC started nursery, they were upset at drop off/pick up/wouldn't nap for long. Nursery suggested bringing DC's favourite cuddly. Lo and behold, DC changed overnight. I bought a spare cuddly toy and they alternate between cot/nursery/washing machine and it's fine. Everyone in nursery knows who "Rover" is and he's never been lost.

Agree also with quick drop off and persevering. Good luck.

It's more about the precious cuddly getting lost, damaged etc