Please reassure me that this is a phase

[Drained11]

My 1yo has been for the past 2-3 weeks getting up at 10pm not wide awake. He’s half asleep and needs holding / cuddling and it takes 1.5 or 2 hours to get him back into a deep sleeo

then he’ll wake again at some point for comfort but I am so drained
why won’t he sleep😭 he goes to nursery 4 days a week and the days off with him I ensure we do things and don’t just sit in

im so exhausted please tell me this is a little pgase

It’s very likely just a phase. How long ago did he start nursery? Was he out of routine over Christmas etc?

How are his naps? My youngest went through a phase of "split nights" where he'd wake in the night thinking it was time to get up. Turns out, he wasn't sleeping enough in the day and when I was putting him down for the night, his body was telling him it was a nap! We got him into a better day sleeping pattern and he did stop waking for hours at night.

@GiltEdges he started when he was 8.5mo! So has been there a few months

over Christmas some days yes he was but I’d say it was 2/3 over 2 weeks!

i don’t know what it is he seems to be struggling to nod off again when he wakes

hes never slept through like but I was hoping for some longer stretches now xx

Ah yes, I remember this phase!!

Still not sure why it happened really, only thoughts are, hunger, anxiety, overtired, too hot, too cold or noise.

I quickly learned if I picked him up and cuddled him etc he would be up for hours. Never picked him up unless distressed or nappy change. Lights on low, never bedroom light on, just enough light he could see me. Me with a reassuring smile, no talking, just shushing, stroking on head, walking out very calm and peaceful if that makes sense - and repeat

@THNG5 he’s on one big nap a day now!

and when he’s ‘awake’ during this time he’s not fully awake if that makes sense?

he’s light and mainly keeps his eyes closed but opens them if I pop him down when I think he’s asleep lol. He takes time to get back into his deep sleep and wants to be held for the 2 hours

but during this I can’t do anything and can’t sleep myself

@Workinghardeveryday I really need to stop I did try stroking his face etc but he got worked up and I panic and when I hear him cry it really overwhelms b me so I always cuddle him to stop

hes not used to patting shushing yet so he just cries more 😭

I totally agree with this. Less napping in the day makes for a bad night. No sleep after 3.30pm, not even for a couple of minutes.

I will be flamed here, but I have 3 kids 2 of which are twins. At 3 months they all slept 7-7. No, not a brag, but we we’re always always consistent.

Tea at set time, for us 5pm. Bath every single night at 6. Followed by bottle and toddler years milk. Bed.

Kids get reassurance and comfort and security. They quickly learn this is how it goes, this is the routine. If they wake in the night and it is not illness, teeth etc (in which case rules go out the window), always follow the above.

I’ve got a great sleeper, always has been but over Christmas he was SO out of routine and was going down then waking back up at 9/10pm. My husband would bring him down to the living room and it was getting to the stage that I think he probably thought, yeah I quite fancy going back down there rather than sleeping. So I then said we don’t bring him out his room anymore. We kept him up a bit later if need be if he didn’t seem tired but I think it was the late bed times over Christmas that threw the whole thing off. I’m not entirely sure what we did other than get back into the bath, story, milk, bed routine. If he woke or wouldn’t settle I’d go in (my husband could have but he doesn’t always have the same gentle sleep-inducing touch as me 😂), I just hummed him a song rocking back and forwards then put him back in with the white noise on. Some nights it was more than once but it’s like we’ve flicked a switch again and now he just goes down and we don’t see him until the morning. Their little sleep schedules are so sensitive to change I think! What about his day time naps? Could his second one be too late in the day?

I totally understand the overwhelming feeling to pick him up, you love him, you don’t want him to feel sad or upset. But.. he is very quickly learning if he cries, mummy will come and you can sooth him back to sleep.

Wouldnt it be lovely for him to wake in the night and self soothe back to sleep… he is more than capable honestly. Just try for say 4 nights, the not picking up, he cries, you go, he sees you, the smile, calmness, stroking etc. He will very quickly work out you are not picking him up but mummy is here and everything is okay

@Workinghardeveryday totally agree, I have been quite structured from the start with the whole routine thing but over Christmas I wasn’t and so quickly the sleep thing went to pot so it just shows you. So many people make a big thing of saying ‘aw you’re so lucky he sleeps’ etc, which I am but I do think you can massively influence how well they will sleep. I’m sure there are some exceptions to that rule but on the whole I’d say it’s true

Banana and or a rusk before bed

Everything is a phase. This too will pass.