Baby only wants mum - what do I do?

[Annie802]

My baby is 7 months old and the last few weeks has become very very clingy with me. She loves being with DH and loves spending time with him in the day time when he’s here, he does work very long hours, but when she wakes up at night she is hysterical if DH goes to her and will only calm down with me. She never used to react this way with DH, it’s almost like she’s distressed which isn’t nice for her or us to see.

I have usually always done the night feeds mostly but she hasn’t ever reacted to DH this way at night, and it’s really upsetting him.

is this normal and just a phase? Is it some form of separation anxiety?

It is normal. And it will pass. Meet her needs at night if you can and just remember it won't always be this way. She'll be able to understand so much more in just a few short months and will know they you're just in the other room while daddy puts her to bed.

And sorry you mentioned it wasn't like that before. In my experience they do go through phases. We had this again at about 12-13 months. Lasted maybe 6-7 weeks and again the phase of separation anxiety passed. I think you always being there and not trying to manipulate / force her into letting you go, will actually help your attachment bond and her naturally beginning to accept dad again at nights. Meeting needs = better attachment and increased confidence in child. And her need now is you. It's tough, but temporary!!

It's totally normal and just one phase of many to come. Your husband really needs to relax and not take this personally, because it's not.

This is literally me right now with my baby, she’s 8.5 months but it’s been happening for a while. We’ve had to bite the bullet and Daddy put her down to bed last night (20 mins crying in his arms) and again tonight (8 mins crying in his arms). He has also been going up to settle her when she wakes in the evening (every bloody 45 minutes). As you can see, it’s a massive improvement in how she’s reacted! She’s not crying alone, she’s with her Dad who loves her. I’d have carried on doing it all myself but I’ve reached burnout and it was affecting my mental health. I’ve had to accept there’d be tears, but I was getting dangerously resentful of being the only acceptable person past 7pm and I needed to share the load. I think you should grit your teeth, put a podcast on downstairs and let your DH do the bedtime (or the last part of the routine which is what we’re doing). It’s hard but if you need a break, do it. Alternatively if you’re okay carrying on, do that too!

Agree with pp your dh needs to know its normal and not personal. It's still upsetting, I know that, but it will pass..My little one was/is exactly the same but he's better at night with dad now. His favourite will always be mummy though

Both of ours have had phases of doing this with both of us. At this stage I quite enjoy when they favour DH overnight.