How do i deal with mean moms

[Failinatlife]

Sorry for the long post, desperate for some help or advicr.
My 9 year old dd attends a dance school which she absolutely loves. I on the other hand get anxiety at just the thought of taking her. The other mums are so mean and im not sure what i have done wrong. When she first started about 18 months ago the other mums were really welcoming, inviting me for coffee while the kids were in class. Now they make a point of shunning me. Training days arnt too bad as i can just drop and leave but competitions have started which involves weekends away, with everyone staying in the same hotel, all the parents meet up and the kids all socialise together. The other kids, happily include my daughter but it seems im not so welcome. At the last competition, as myself and my daughter went to the hotel restaurant to meet up for evening meal. I was told id have to sit by myself as there was no room on the table for me. There was plenty of empty chairs. I sat alone with tears in my eyes wishing my daughter had never joined. Looking for any advice on how to navigate being around the mean mums. I have spoken to a couple of them to ask if i have done something wrong and the question was either met with annoyance that i questioned them or it was put on to me that i am being paranoid. Hoping someone will have some advice. I don't have anyone else who could take her. Its got that bad that I've thought of pulling her from the club but that wouldn't be fair on her

At the last competition, as myself and my daughter went to the hotel restaurant to meet up for evening meal. I was told id have to sit by myself as there was no room on the table for me. There was plenty of empty chairs.

"Oh, there's a chair right here. I'll have a seat. What's the menu like?"

Ignore them! Sit with a book and enjoy some time to yourself. When you focus on your own happiness, the meanness of others won’t bother you so much.

Why does it bother you so much though? Worth digging into. Do you feel you need friends or community? You can focus on finding those things in other areas of your life with people you get on with and who value you. You don’t have to get on with everyone in life.

Ignore them, you don't need people like that in your life anyway. Grab a good book, put your feet up, and have some peace and quiet time on your own away from them.

Oh op that's so horrible of them. I know people will say just ignore but I too would dwell on this and get upset and hurt, especially if it has just come out of the blue. Is your daughter maybe better at dance than their children? Maybe it's a jealously thing. I mean clearly that are displaying a dislike to you for some reason so clearly they have some issue, albeit it some stupid immature playground nonsense. Is there anyway you can find out what the issue is?

I fully agree, not eveyone is for eveyone. I guess it bothers me as they were so friendly to start with and it has made question if i have done something wrong. Your right though, next time i will take a book

I haven't a clue what it is. I have tried asking but it didn't get me very far. It also hurts as the other week after training the parents and kids all went for food and my daughter was upset and didn't understand why we weren't going with them. Guess its hard for my daughter to understand why we wasnt invited to something that all her friends were going to

Do you have to stay at the same hotel for competitions? If not, just stay somewhere else! We travel with a sport and I often book somewhere a bit further out because it will not be full of other athletes' families. I like a bit of quiet time over the weekend.

Are there any other mums who are on the edge of this group of Queen Bees who you could try to befriend?

They encourage eveyone to stay in the same hotel to encourage bonding for the kids. Thank you, i will look at the next competition and see if there are any parents who are on the edge that i could maybe speak to

That sounds like a nightmare. Could you find a different dance club? Is it ballet or something else?

I would speak to the organiser if it's not inclusive. These mums are so rude.

Alternatively, grow a thick skin, join them anyway or get some of your friends to join with their dd.

That's really nasty, bullying behaviour , so sorry you're going through that OP.Not quite the same but I had a couple of the school mums go all 'offish' with me last year when DD was in reception, both whom were always friendly before.I dreaded seeing them at birthday parties, clubs etc and them blanking me yet chatting fine to others and I didn't even know why.I got through it by just trying to focus on the ones I DID get on with, but in your situation if there are literally no others who aren't in the 'clique' as if so that sounds really hard and if they are all really that horrible I can see why you want to give it up.

I don't see how people can say 'just ignore them' or 'don't let it get to you' 'enjoy having some time to yourself' etc...anyone completely cut out from a group of people and forced to be alone as the 'odd one out' would be hurt if it happened to them IRL.

Very sad that their kids all get on fine with yours yet the mothers are being so childish...this was the same with the kids of the mums I said about- they are both great friends with my DD! These people would do well to take a leaf out of their kids books...