The realities of being a single parent

[Kentlassie]

I have posted before about issues DH and I are having but things are not getting better. I can’t believe it’s come to this but I am seriously considering leaving him.

we have three small DC (DTs are 2.5 and a baby). I am walking around in the rain trying to figure out how it would work if I leave. DH is a good dad but he despises me.

I would have to move in with my parents 2.5 hours away, and he would likely move back to his hometown which is 3.5 hours from there. We currently live in Kent and neither could afford the mortgage alone, and I would need family support to juggle DC and work.

This feels like a complete disaster but I don’t think we can carry on. For other single parents that live some distance apart, how do you make it work?

What are your earnings like? You might not have to move in with your DPs as you may be eligible for universal credit, particularly once the house is sold and if you end up renting. You would be surprised how high your earnings can be and still qualify for universal credit because it takes into account childcare expenses too. It's also based off your net income so after your pension contributions and tax and NI.

I hadn’t thought about that. My earnings are quite high (it’s all relative so not high for the area we currently live in) so it hadn’t crossed my mind. Will hve a look, thank you.

It's not as hard as being in a terrible marriage OP. But, as a single parent of three myself, moving in with parents would be my worst nightmare of all! Doing it alone isn't so bad once you adjust, and you get to establish things how you want them in your own home. I'm not suggesting it's easy, especially with three, but it's definitely manageable. I am a lone parent and have my kids full time, and I manage.

ha @JamJarJane ! It’s far from ideal but it will take time to sell our house and I would want to move asap.

It depends on your relationship with your parents none of us can know that only you.
If you want to worry about childcare , juggling full time work and the rising cost of living life will be very hard as a single parent
When my ex partner and I eventually sold our house my mother invited me and ds to live with her . It was the very best decision I could make , we are all 3 much happier for it , and my career is really taking off
But that is my experience which will be different to yours and to others on this forum.

It does sound that you need to dissolve your marriage whatever happens

@Kentlassie I left my ex husband when baby was 22 months not for the same reasons but it was still hard

Where in Kent are you? I'm also kent
Where would you move to ?

Totally do able anything is then to stay in a relationship that's not working

Make sure you have lots support network around you and get your ducks in a row x

The plus points here are
Your children are not tied to a school so you can move asap if you like!

Your parents are willing to house you for a while. Nice to have support and some possible help with the children.

You won't be in this situation forever and when the house is sold and your divorced you can choose where to live and dictate your own path.

It will seem like an awful move and upsetting for everyone but the relief of being with people who love and support you and free from him will be the best feeling ever!

What's your relationship with your parents like?

It is freeing not to think about husband but if your parents' house isn't big, develop resentment about childcare or the types who will be stressed about how chaotic life with pre-schoolers are like then you could be replacing one set of issues with another.

Could you not stay in the house and your DH move out but still contribute for you to stay there?