How do you mums do it?

[PuntoLon]

Mums! Just need some tips on how to keep it altogether? I know and understand that there are mums (esp single mums) who have lot more going on and manage everything single handedly and i am just in absolute awe and respect for them and everyone who can. I don't know why I am so all the over the place. So my situation is as below.
I have an almost 4 yr old DD and a 4m old DS. My DD was going to full time Nursery until November then we moved house so a month break and now started with a prep school nursery since Jan (8.30-3.00). My DH is absolutely amazing and pulls his weight around the house and with the kids a whole lot. More than anyone else I have ever seen or met tbh. He has amazing patience with DD as well and she loves him to bits and wants him everytime something even slightly goes not her way or I am cross at her when I lose my patience. My DH does the pick drops as well coz I have baby at home and it's a 20 min drive to preschool through traffic which I am not confident at all driving after a long driving break! Which I know I need to work on but for now it's the situation and also DS hates cars and car seat and screams his lungs out. I am also on mat leave until august.
Basically my DH is now moving on from his job and starting his own business for which he does need uninterrupted time and focus even though wfh. I feel like I am not able to manage anything without calling onto him every little while coz some or other kids needs looking at and I am cooking or doing something. I know situation and life will only get busier and more complex from here on once I go back to work and DS starts crawling walking nursery etc.
But I am really struggling to keep on top of kitchen, laundry, meals for DD and us, sleepless nights coz DS is ebf but still it's not end of world situation by any means and I am on mat leave so I really should be able to manage the kids and basic home admin by myself. My DD is a bit demanding and wouldn't last more than 5 mins by herself which I guess is normal. DS also wants to be held when not napping which is very short catnaps to get much done.
Really not sure what I am looking for but just some tips on how can I manage it all better and give DH some quality time to focus on work coz it's really now or never for him for next few months else he has to go find a new job which he really doesn't want to do. And I would hate for him to have to do it coz we couldn't manage ourselves without him for few hours and weekends day time.
I feel I was more comfortable driving around with both children would make it much easier for DH but I am really not confident and Ds really screams in cars so I almost feel I am putting all of our safety at risk if I try.
I guess I am just looking for some advice to be more present, on top of things and just better managed with my time and energy! Sorry for the super long post and thanks for reading it this far!

Is it possible to get to nursery by public transport? Could dh even do morning drop off and you do pm pick up? Tbh I did all this with no help but I did drive. You have to just zone out the crying when you drive but I can understand that is difficult if you are also a nervous/infrequent driver.

I'm a single mum but I only have one dc so slightly different. However my days are usually....

Up before ds. Load in washing machine, then make breakfast, wake ds, get ready for school, school run.

Home, work 9 - 1, put supper in slow cooker, hang washing out, quick sandwich, maybe a quick run, work 2-5.30

Collect ds from afterschool club, make snack, help with homework while cooking pasta/rice. Have supper, stack dishwasher, do life admin, get ds to bed, tidy up kitchen, prep school kit for next day, bath, bed.

Anything not above gets done at the weekend. Food shopping, housework, socialising etc. It's easier in the summer, longer evenings mean friends & neighbours drop in for a coffee or a glass of wine in the garden.

Routine & planning are essential.

And reduce your standards. Sausage, mash and peas is a nutritious meal, masterchef type stuff is not necessary. I only serve things that take 15 mins or less to prep in the evening. Batch cooking and finding a good butcher who makes his own lamb burgers etc helps a lot

I don't iron or hoover daily any more either. Manicures are a rare treat 😂 Priorities change.

Hi how are you getting on? Hang on in there, this phase of having a 4yr old and a young baby is a busy one and things should improve a little in time. I used to batch cook easy stews and casseroles, pasta sauces etc a lot so that there were things to get from the freezer or another helping for the next day ready done. If possible get DH to help in the morning by taking DD to preschool, also emptying dishwasher if you have one or clearing any washing up so that you can start again that day. Also ensure you get breakfast so you begin the day with nutrition you need.
DS can’t really hate cars if he’s only 4 months but perhaps he just needs to get used to it. If you’re nervous try to drive when in plenty of time - rushing late won’t help. Maybe you could practice the route when it’s quiet so you know the roundabouts and lanes well, then it’s less stressful when it’s rush hour. Try playing nursery rhyme or songs in car?
Do your laundry and some of the meal prep in the morning and try to fit in bits of housework when you can. You can do small bits in a few minutes eg vacuum one room, clean the sink, wipe the kitchen sides etc. you might have to have a bigger go every week where maybe DH takes children out for an hour and you whizz round, or you do an hour together after children are in bed, or an hour together on a weekend morning before going out for a walk or to park as a treat after?

You might find that with your 4 yr old, if you can give her loving attention for even a short time - fifteen mins say, with an activity or game, she may then feel satisfied enough to continue playing by herself for another 15 mins we hike you get on with all the other things you need to do.

The car thing. Can you turn your front airbag off and have baby in the front as that can help. Or buy a new seat my daughter hated her infant seat and was like a different baby once we replaced it with the Axkid ONE.

Hi, just a message of solidarity! I have a ds 2yo and dd 3mo and I'm struggling with the settings. DH set up his own company and is on alot of client calls.
My baby daughter screams in the car unless we're moving but it's usually only 5mins stuck in traffic on the nursery pick up.

I wouldn't survive without my mother's help who comes twice a week. She looks after toddler when he's not in nursery, cooks a big batch meal while he naps, hangs out washing etc. Could you get someone like this in one or two afternoons a week to help juggle?

Could you start driving now with your husband in the passenger seat to gain confidence.

I had my two year old at home with me two days of the week when I had a newborn. We went out a lot, parks and play groups, signing etc not sure what your daughter would be too old for now but local libraries offer a lot.

I precooked meals for my DCs. If you cannot manage to cook when they are around, then when you prep breakfast, pack a lunch box at the same time for your DD for her to birthday eat this at lunch. Can you set up play for her? My eldest is now 4, so same age.

Set up play doh, drawing, painting, rice and lentil play with whatever she likes ( it's bugs for me but I try to mix it up for each season), activities she can do on her own.

A lot of girls I know like doll houses so maybe a doll house set up.

I batch cook everything in the evening. So I make 4x Bolognese, 4x Chili, two Lasagnes, so two halves get frozen, i manage to cook sausages + mash whilst the kids are around but I have to be careful as the youngest bites and scratches a lot, jacket potato is easily put in the oven with baked beans or tuna?

Can you batch cook meals on a weekend and freeze them??
Could DH come with you in the car a few times to help build up your confidence??

Screaming in the car is usually a relatively short-lived phase. Some ideas to help with that:

Do you have a big mirror for baby to look at? Some babies feel abandoned. Mirror can be a big help! Even better if you have some dangly toys on it that move as the car turns/accelerates etc .

Try recording yourself reading a story and play it next to car seat for every journey. Your voice is very soothing to your child and the repetition calms them too.

Would you consider you consider dummy for the car? Some babies that don't have them the rest of the time have them for car journeys. It helps them to nod off or at least relax.

It's quite important to get yourdriving confidence back if you can.