Do you pay for other children you take out?

[Jazzhands7]

When your child gets invited out with another family, like say to the movies. Do you give the parent/your child money to pay for the movie and lunch?

I always do especially if the family is taking a few of my kids but I have a friend who doesn’t which I think is really rude. I have a friend that is multiple house boat rich and wants for nothing financially, I still give her money for my kids unless she insists it’s on her.

wondering everyone’s thoughts? If a family invites your kid out for the day do you expect them to pay for everything?

I agree with you on this, I would always provide the parent/my child with money. It then gives them the option if they'd like to pay for it or accept you paying. I'd rather avoid any awkwardness.

Historically I always pay for any kid I take out. I send money if mine is going but don't really expect it to be spent on the cost of the trip/activity. Any extras are on me though like if she wants a pik n mix etc

I always give my child money but wouldn't really expect him to have to use it. I'd never let a child who came out with us pay either. An invite is an invitation to partake not an arrangement to attend.

If i invited a child to come out with me to somewhere like the cinema. I would ecpect to pay gor everyone.

I would never invite another child out for the day without being prepared to cover the cost myself. If the money was an issue for me I would plan a cheaper outing rather than expect the other parent to contribute. I would be clear in the invitation that it was my treat, if the other parent insisted I would be gracious enough to accept or if the child came with some money I would let them get the ice lollies or whatever. If my kids went out with a friends family I would personally just offer a contribution up front, to avoid any awkwardness, and be guided by what that parent wanted to do. My kids best friends parents and I had a loose arrangement whereby if their kids were with us we would pay for everything if our kids were with them they would pay for everything, it kinda evened out.

I always gave my kids money, or if quite young and/or expensive outing would ask the hosts how much and offer it to them. Most of the time they would treat, unless something pricey like water sports etc.
If I was taking my child and a couple of her/his friends to a movie I'd definitely pay, and for the pizza after.
I remember one mum complaining to me that she took a mutual friend's daughter on some activity that cost about £25 and even though she told the mum how much it cost the other mum didn't seem to get that she should offer to pay!

If I invited another child along it would be because I wanted to treat them and pay for them.
If my child was invited along I would offer to pay for activities and send spending money which would usually be turned down by the other parent.

If I’ve invited a child out, I pay for the activity, transport, any food, and normally the child might come along with some pocket money to spend on little bits in a gift shop — things like that I probably wouldn’t normally pay for, but then I tend to think that it’s a good idea for a child to bring a bit of pocket money and get used to budgeting it if they want little erasers/trinkets/etc. (Though obviously if a parent hadn’t sent a child with a bit of pocket money I would give them some!)

Normally I find parents offer to contribute, I say no it’s on us, and the child comes along with a bit of cash to spend. But I’d pay for things like ice creams and activities. Same in reverse - if someone has offered to take DD somewhere, I offer to contribute and they normally say no but I send her with some pocket money to spend.

It’s a bit different though if it’s an activity that parents have agreed on jointly and I’ve volunteered to drive the kids - I’d then expect us all to contribute. Like if I’d agreed with another mum that the kids would really like to go and see a particular theatre production, and then I’d offered to drive them, I’d expect us all to pay separately. It’s all in the nuance I think!

If I have invited the young person to attend an activity with DC then I pay completely. However, if my DC went out with another family then I would ensure they have more than enough money as I'm aware other people have different expectations. Also as my DC would panic if I didn't. Obvs if a parent is there with the child and our family you'd just pay for your own.

What if you invited one kid out and the parent asked if their other children could come because they are busy? Would you still expect to pay the entire bill for multiple kids? With all meals included?

No

We work like this - friends round here I given a guided tour and shown where the toilets are etc and the glasses and how they are free to help themselves to water or milk or fruit etc they are treated as part of the family.
similar

principle applies when going out they are treated as another child. All of ours bring money normally and offer but are refused.

when mine go - they are given money but this is refused usually.

If you are looking after children as a favour I would feed them but not necessarily take them out

Obviously the inviter should pay. If my child were invited I would send him with the money just incase mind you.

No way.

For what? And why are you taking them? And how old are the kids?

I wouldn't normally have space in the car for extras like that....nor the inclination to babysit spare kids. If they are old enough not to need supervision the they are old enough to manage it all themselves - getting tickets/entrance etc.

If they were very young I probably would do a "let's rearrange for when you are free to come....."

Well no because that’s a entirely different situation tbh. In that case I’d say that I only budged to take X child as that was my plan.

If the parent is busy, where would her children have been if you didn’t ask to take one of them to the cinema? That doesn’t really make sense

No way. I'd find it rude to even be asked that by anybody who wasn't a close friend.

If I've invited a child though, I'd be paying. What I find awkward is when a child comes with money and insists on paying. I don't want to argue with a child, in public, about money! I've then said they can buy some sweets, but felt bad about that!

I'd send mine with money too though if reversed.

It's tricky!

Your update makes things really awkward. If you had wanted to invite the sibling too then you would. It can change the dynamics of the outing. Really cheeky of them to ask, especially if they haven't automatically offered to pay for the extra child.

Adding more children changes the whole dynamic though, so it’s not the same thing at all.
Inviting 1 chosen friend for your child great, your child gets to have a fun shared experience with someone they enjoy spending time with. 1 chosen friend for each of your children great, harder work for you but your kids get the same fun experience.
Inviting 2 or 3 chosen friends for your child e.g to have a special birthday outing great, your child gets to pick who is invited and they have a great group experience.
Other parent asking if other children can come, beyond cheeky, like can you babysit my kids and also pay for the privilege. Your child doesn’t get the fun shared experience with their actual friend as even if you pay up your child has to put up with randoms tagging along or you if don’t want to pay for everyone your child misses out on the outing. Just say no to both the babysitting and the paying out. Surely if you wanted to look after all the siblings you would have offered in the first place

If I invited the child I would pay and decline offers of money.

If dd was invited somewhere when she was younger I would offer money and/or send her with some money and instructions to offer. It was never accepted, with the host family paying for her.

Only exception was when they were older and it was a mutual decision to do something or another parent/child asking if their child could join. Then they may have paid at times.

For example we took another teen on holiday to Florida with us. Said child paid a decent amount towards their holiday. It wasn't that we asked the teen to come, she asked us. We only asked for the additional flight/ticket cost as her contribution. We paid for the accommodation, as same price regardless of if she came or not - though we did chose to go a bit bigger for extra privacy but that was our choice when we knew she was joining us. And we paid for extra food, drink, activities costs not included in the ticket price.

What if you invited one kid out and the parent asked if their other children could come because they are busy?

But what would they have been doing with the friend if you hadn’t invited them out?!

I would have said no to them anyway. I already have enough children that adding a friend would have given me a full car. I certainly wouldn’t be paying for food for random siblings.

I send my DD with money but it usually comes back with her or they let her buys sweets / a little treat with it.

Same as I’ve taken my DCs friends out and paid for them and sent them back with money. If I’m offering to take them out then I’m paying for them!

I would pay for the invited child but would expect the other parent to pay for the additional children.

I can't imagine asking someone to take other children to something though, if they'd only invited the one child. I only have one child and, although DD's friends when smaller often had siblings, I never had anyone ask to take the rest. Sometimes we offered to have more than one, esp if I knew they were struggling/busy. But I'd have chosen an affordable place and, as I'd offered I'd pay.

i always send money unless it’s a birthday. It depends on the circumstances though. DS has 2 close friends that we typically take out. One friend’s parents never reciprocate so it’s always just him coming out with us and the other takes them all the time. She has the school holidays off so is more available but I suspect is less well off. In these circumstances paying for your own child just seems fairer.

I can't imagine asking someone to take other children to something though, if they'd only invited the one child.

I agree. Nobody has ever asked me to have a sibling when I’m taking their child and I’ve done a lot of play dates/day trips over the years.