9 week old baby sleep stress and confusion!

[stewmew]

I’ve been working myself up about baby’s sleep thinking that I’m getting it all wrong.

He’s 9 weeks and I’d been nursing him to sleep but am trying to phase this out so that he’s not dependent on it. The other ways to get him to go to sleep are to put him in the carrier or rock him in my arms, but he cries when we do either of these, before falling asleep after a few minutes (this is both for naps and bedtime).

I’m also trying to get a bedtime routine put in place so he begins to know what bedtime is. I do want to start trying to put him down awake soon to give him the chance to try and fall asleep by himself but I don’t think we’re ready for that yet since we don’t have the routine down.

I’m worried that him crying to sleep every time from rocking or the carrier is bad for him and his sleep. He’s very alert and has been difficult to get to sleep since he was about a month old - he’s always resisted even when it was easier to rock him to sleep in arms.

Is it common for babies to cry to sleep, even when they’re not just left in their cot?

My view is you are making this very hard on yourself by trying to fight the nature of a newborn baby.

It is too soon to be imposing routines, you are in the fourth trimester period.

He’s 9 weeks old. 9 WEEKS. Feeding to sleep is the biological norm, it’s not a bad habit and there’s no reason to stop doing this, they all stop when they’re ready. Trying to avoid it now is really just making life harder for you, it’s the quickest and easiest way to get most babies to sleep, don’t make your tool box smaller unnecessarily! There’s also very little point trying to do a bedtime routine at this age, they don’t even develop the ability to know night from day until at least 12 weeks. Honestly it’s so much easier to go with the flow and follow your baby’s cues.

Honestly, both of mine found their own routine at 6 months. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Feed your baby to sleep, get yourself comfy and cuddle your baby. Read up on the fourth trimester.

Babies don't and won't understand bedtime. You should be looking to keep baby with you until they are 6+ months, so down to sleep in a Moses basket or equivalent with you in the evenings.

Feeding to sleep - I did it for about a year. I reckon the average is prob 7-8 months.

I'd forget all notions of bedtime / not feeding to sleep etc for a good few months yet. Remember the kid was inside you for 40 weeks - he's only been out for 9!!

Also - the whole thing of putting them down drowsy but awake and them putting themselves to sleep is basically bollocks. A very few number of babies are happy to do this, most need support to sleep for a long while yet. There’s also no evidence being able to settle themselves makes them sleep better, despite what you may hear. Babies need us to help them feel safe and secure to be able to go to sleep, they’re not able to think through anything enough to do this for themselves

It does sound like you've been working yourself up, as you say. I did. Exactly the same thing. Trawling the Internet and getting in a right tizwoz.

I also craved getting into some kind of routine so I knew where I was - but, at 9 weeks, I think you've just got to go with the flow as best you can, and endure the witching hour(s) and the madness for now.

I'm heartily in favour of sleep training, but unfortunately at 9 weeks it's much too soon to think about fixing a settling issue. Consider trying again with gentle methods at 4 months, when sleep habits are beginning to be formed.

Gosh

your baby is 9 weeks. 9 tiny weeks. Stop stressing, forget a ‘routine’ and just go with the flow. Your baby is MEANT to fall asleep on you, MEANT to find comfort in you. MEANT, for the love of god, to be dependent on you.

what is wrong with the world that we are telling women the opposite to all of this, so that when they have a baby they expect it to act like a doll

oh - and there’s no such thing as “gentle sleep training” that’s like saying that lovely man is horrible

Thanks for the reassurance everyone.

I’ve read through so many things online and probably just started creating a rod for my own back with trying to avoid nursing him to sleep. Poor little guy.

I just wanted to put a routine in place to help him relax into bedtime but the two times I tried it weren’t very relaxing!

I can totally understand wanting a routine. But at 9 weeks, a routine is more for you than the baby.

Rather than focusing on a routine for now, perhaps think of the routine you want in the future and try to use those cues now where possible and as consistently as possible.

I wonder who wrote this bollocks drowsy but awake advice. I remember trying it with my first and being like "how the hell is this meant to work".

Neither of mine had a set bedtime until 5/6 months, we had a routine around getting washed, changed and settled but it could take place at any time. One was a crap sleeper, one a good one. I don't think it makes any difference, you get the baby you get, you're much better off going with the flow and not stressing yourself out in my experience. Neither of my kids like a relaxing bedtime, its about as getting as much energy out as possible, I think I thought I'd be having relaxing cuddles but instead I'm usually giving piggy bag carries round the bedrooms and pretending to be a PJ monster.

Carry on feeding to sleep! It's natural for babies to do and not a problem. Just try to put him down before he is solidly asleep if you can, if you want him to get used to settling in a crib or cot.I did this with my baby and at 14mths she settles fine in the cot after being fed even if not asleep.