How are you really doing?

[HopefulBeckie]

Hi everyone.
so I’m a new mom to a 2 month old and in all honesty I sometimes feel like such a failure. I’ve got such a strong support system (and am super grateful) but still struggle at times especially the past few days on trying to figure out why my DS isn’t taking much milk at times and is he sleeping too much or not enough? I just feel like I’m completely clueless.
Everytime I ask others how they are doing as parents (to children of all ages) they almost always say they are doing fine. But are they really doing fine or does everyone just say this to put up a front?
Let me know how you are really doing in the comments.

When my baby was the same age as yours I definitely was not fine. I was sobbing most days and feeling like I’d made a huge mistake. If you’d asked my parents, closest friends, colleagues (or looked at my instagram), however, you’d have been left with the impression I was having the time of my life. I hid it from absolutely everyone as to admit I felt like a failure seemed to like more evidence I was one.

DD is 9 months old now and feelings of failure are down to once or twice a week…but I’m also halfway through chemo for breast cancer and really struggling with trying to be a good mum when I feel so ill/scared/angry but I STILL pretend to everyone except DH, my best friend and my mum that I’m “fine”.

I think putting up a front is more common than you’d think. You’re doing great ❤️

Hi @HopefulBeckie i totally hear you, i have a 3 month old and i have those moments too but i try and remind myself of how proud i should be of myself, i gave birth to a baby and whilst recovering from the birth i physically kept going. Trust me you're doing great! Xx

I'd maybe say that knowing you have a 2 month old they are just giving you the 'oh I'm fine' rather than burden you? No one actually has it all together but so many people struggle to admit it. My DD is 13 and I fully admit I struggle massively with her daily! Trying to balance everything sometimes seems like a truly insurmountable challenge. You are 100% not the only one struggling, and it doesn't matter how strong a support system you have, that doesn't make your feelings any less valid. Try and go easy on yourself you've got this.

Oh love, I'm so sorry you are feeling rough.
I have a 7yo son, a nearly 4yo son and a baby on the way and let me tell you, being a mum is the best and hardest job I have ever done. Especially at the start, you are still getting to know each other and bub is learning about life and what he likes and doesn't. See as long as he is fed, clothed and gets cuddles (and clean nappies), that is all he really needs. His choices and preferences will change as he grows, we are just on this rollercoaster trying to keep up with them.
Sometimes you'll feel amazing, sometimes you won't, but as long as you love that little baby and tell them all the time, feed him and cloth him, then my sweet mama you are doing amazing! Best mum ever.

Parents/mum's put a lot of pressure on ourselves (so does society) when we become parents. Our houses must be like a show house, the never ending washing must be done, we must look amazing and do everything right or people might judge us and say we are failing, but I will repeat this important fact - as long as baby is fed, healthy, clean and loved, who cares about the other crap. It's just stuff, we'll get to it.

I'm currently sitting with a new nuttela stain on my top and dishes needing done, but my nearly 4yo wants a cuddle so know what I'm doing? I'm laying on the sofa cuddling my wee boy. The rest will get done but he needs this and honestly so do I.

I hope you can feel better my love. If this feeling continues, speak to the health visitor or a family member or friend. I am a firm believer in keeping up on ones mental health. I believe we should put our mental health before all others, let me explain: I had sever PND after my first born, I learned through recovery that if my mental health isn't good, then I can't be the best mum, wife, daughter, sister, friend etc to the people I love. It's the only thing I will ever be selfish about, but for good reason. So make sure you talk, be honest with the people in your life.
Others who say they are 'fine' aren't really, been there, done/said that. We're all just scared of being judged as a parent, I'm not anymore, I love my kids and they love me, I do my absolute best and that's all that matters, I know you will too.

I hope this helps, even a wee bit. Sending all the love and best wishes to you and wee one. Xxxx

I’m so sorry that you’re going through a hard time with your breast Cancer. From what I’ve seen with a family member who has had cancer chemo really takes it out of you so know that you’re also doing a great job!
And thank you for your support 😊

That’s very true! We carried our babies for 9 months and it’s so crazy how much our bodies change.
Thank you for sharing and for your support 😊

Thank you! You’re message means a lot ❤️

*your

Is you are not struggling and worrying when you have a 2 month old then your doing something wrong. Sounds normal to me OP. You are doing amazing

Congratulations on becoming pregnant with your 3rd child! I can imagine having 2 young kids must be tiring.
Yeah I love him so much I’ll literally do anything for him. I think as well sometimes I’m a little scared to speak up to friends and family about meeting up too often as everyone wants to see the baby but I find it can be a bit much for me & also I feel my ds gets overstimulated and then struggles to sleep.
sharing your story and advice really means a lot so thank you ❤️

Thank you x

For the first 8/9 weeks I cried every single day and was full of regret. Now dd is 12 weeks I am still adjusting but there are more good moments than bad. I also have a huge support system and felt like such a failure initially, not experiencing the newborn bubble of bliss and watching tiktok/instagrams where mums were so put together and happy every day. My immediate family couldn’t understand why I was so down. Like pps have said there are so many high expectations and ridiculous constructions of motherhood. It is not a one size fits all experience! And not enjoying every single part is normal. Hormone overload aside, we as women often feel the need to keep our struggles to ourselves rather than ‘burden’ others, particularly in a world where we publicise the best bits of our lives online constantly. I’m sure you are doing a really great job. It might not feel like it now but things will get easier. When you’re up for it try to go to some classes/meet ups and get out for fresh air every day - this helped my mental health to no end. Ignore housework, bung frozen meals in the oven and just focus on getting through each day x

5&3.5yo.
Honestly I'm knackered.

I'm trying to get the youngest to bed right now, and then debating between doing some forms I need to do, clean up the mess downstairs or do work. There's no point going to bed early because she usually wakes at some point around 10-11, and then comes in at some point in the night (which often means she ends up lying on me in some uncomfortable way). So I'm fed up with getting not enough sleep and not having any decent stretches still. So I wake tired, and stay tired permanently.

I managed an hour nap with her earlier (again lying half on me) effort was some rest, but because of that I didn't have lunch until 4pm.

I think young kids whatever the age are just exhausting and a worry. Thank goodness they are also cute and lovely.

Tbh I don't insist that I'm fine, I'm very open that I'm knackered. The eye bags don't lie anyway 😂

Best of luck with your little one. You sound like you are doing fab even if it doesn't feel it.