When will I love my baby

[SassyPants87]

DS is 3 months old and it has been HARD! DD (now 2) was an actual dream we were very lucky but I also had that instant rush of love for her as soon as she was born

I never had that with DS and it feels SO hard! We had struggles breastfeeding due to tongue tie which we got snipped. Thought it was all okay and then found out he was faltering growth. He then got poorly with a cough and cold and now has horrific reflux. I stopped BF overnight (probably doesn’t help with hormones crashing down) and now his tongue tie has reattached and he’s having problems with taking a bottle

I just can’t deal with this I feel so low, I’m trying to take each day as it comes but finding it so hard

when does it get easier? When will I have that sense of love for him? I feel like a terrible parent

Just by asking the question means you do love your baby you just don't recognise it yet. You've had it hard!
It's so easy to compare one of our babies to the other and ask ourselves why it didn't happen the way you dreamed it would.
Comparison is the thief of joy!

Have you spoken to your GP or Health Visitor about low mood? Our hormones have a lot to answer for!

That sounds very hard. Could you prioritise some skin to skin cuddles each day? Just quiet cuddles in bed? Get your partner to take care of your older child. I don’t think 3 months is too old for skin to skin. Just to have some peaceful bonding time which isn’t dominated by his feeding problems etc.

Could you speak to your GP, just for a chat about feeling low?

I think you do already. You'll probably feel it once it all the difficulties settle down and you get some more rest. I am grateful that I had my high needs baby first so I didn't have to deal with it all and a toddler and even more grateful dc2 was easier

try and not beat yourself up over feeling ds will never know how you feel at the early stages

You already do sweetheart, I didn't have that rush either until he was just over 3 months and I was bathing him and he smiled right at me. He was 8 weeks prem so had been a newborn for a loooong time. Just keep at it, lots of cuddles x

It's so hard, isn't it! I am in a similar situation, a few months down the road from you with a 6 month old son who was colicky and damn near killed me with the constant crying (cue intense anxiety and guilt) for his first 3 months. My daughter (3) was comparatively a walk in the park as a baby!!

It definitely got MUCH better every month since 3 months (4 month sleep regression notwithstanding), but when he has an off day, sometimes I'm transported right back to those difficult early days.

I will say that at 6 months most days are amazing, he is now sitting up, playing simple games with his big sis, giggling and smiling and developing new skills every single day. We are all in love with him now. It is MUCH better than it was at 3 months. Hang in there, not long to go until it gets easier.

Thank you so much everyone for responding you’ve made the lonely and low mum feel better.

@Endlesslaundry123 I’m just wishing time away until he gets older and easier. Trying to just keep pushing through until it gets easier but feel so guilty that I’m not enjoying this time with him

Just from reading your post it's clear you already love him. I think you love each baby very differently. When my little girl was born I didn't understand how I could ever love her as much as my little boy. The love I have for them is so different. You are also adjusting to parenting two children and that is so hard. You are doing a great job, it's okay to stop worrying