Getting out with a newborn

[JL642]

Hello! We have a beautiful two month old baby girl. I do get out everyday with her… but it’s tough! I feel very limited with where I can go - ie I do walks round the block, coffee shops and local supermarkets. I find it difficult being out as she is BF so I feel like I am constantly am feeding, and can she be quite grizzly / crying which I find difficult to manage when out.

Does it get easier with going out?

Ie I would love to be able to go to the local shopping mall as I need to get her some more baby outfits, but I simply don’t feel we’d be able to manage it together as she’ll either cry / want constant feeding. Please say that it does get easier!

It definitely gets easier! As she gets bigger and needs to feed less you will have more time between feeds. With both of mine there was a sweet spot where they couldn’t get about independently and were happy to sit in a sling, trolly, pram with a snack and watch the world.
DS is 10 months and crawling and is very cross if not free. We go to baby groups/soft play. Last month before he could crawl we went for nice walks, lunches and hairdressers. Your freedom will come and go but it does generally get easier x

It absolutely gets easier. And it's better for your mental health.

I didn't start going out much until Dts were about 6 months, it seemed daunting and then I turned it into an insurmountable issue which definitely contributed to my PND but by the time I got them both ready, changed when one of them inevitably pooped it was time to come back again for feeding so it didn't seem worth the effort.

I found 2 months a really easy age for something like pottering around a shopping centre. Just break it up, wear the baby in a sling and feed as soon as you get there. Usually these days they have a family/breastfeeding room.
I would get a drink and go to the BFing room and browse my phone. Then fresh nappy, full baby in sling and potter about while baby sleeps. I found the baby would sleep so much longer walking in the sling compared to being pushed in the pram.
Then find a nice cosy spot to sit down for a coffee and a snack and BF baby again. I found places like the M&S cafe more comfortable, starbucks/costa etc were all too busy and younger so it made me anxious to BF.

It gets easier! Do you have any groups nearby? We have a breastfeeding group and family action run baby sensory and baby massage. I found them good for building my confidence, meeting other mums, advice and everyone is in similar situation.

It gets easier. Baby groups are a great way to start.

As are shopping centres. Lots of cafes for feeding in. They nearly all have parent rooms as well with nappy changing facilities and breastfeeding areas.

I didn’t have an issue, mine usually napped in the pram

Definitely gets easier. I think DS used to feed about 3 times an hour unless sleeping at 2 months! Much more spaced out by 4 months.

I think shopping centres are only easy if you have the right kind of baby though. DS used to get totally overwhelmed and freaked out by the bright lights, noise and smells up until about 5 months.

It gets easier. Our local shopping centre was great as it had a family area with comfy chairs for feeding etc and good changing area so it's worth checking out local facilities as I was surprised.

Thanks everyone.

Just for context my baby has a mind of her own and naps in pram BUT only if we are in the fresh air! As soon as she senses we are inside she’s wide awake wanting attention / cuddles /
milk - hence my nervousness with the mall. She can go from zero to 100 in terms of crying.

But maybe I will try it, and if things go pear shaped I’ll have to come home! My problem is that as soon as the baby cries in public I lose all confidence and want to get home to care for her without prying eyes of the public! Something I need to work on I guess!!

I’ve tried a sling and she didn’t take to it, but I’ll re try!

@FrizzledFrazzle yes my baby feeds this much!!! And my baby gets overwhelmed too quite quickly hence a lot of crying when we are out!

Easier said than done but please try not to worry about what other people around you are thinking when your baby cries. Babies cry and if people don’t understand that they’re idiots. Maybe go to a few family friendly places first to get your confidence up.

Have you tried a dummy to soothe her when she is fussy and has just been fed. Some babies just like to suck a lot, but arent actually hungry..so you end up being a human dummy.

It can take them a little while to get used to sucking on one, and they have to learn how to keep it in their mouth, so I would lightly keep a finger on the end of the dummy for a couple of minutes when they first started sucking just until they got the hang of it. Tapping gently on the end also helps.

I found it got much much easier about 4 months. I live rurally so had n of wh

Get a good carrier and learn how to breastfeed in it. I carry mine youngest and breast feed hands free, so I can go anywhere I like. It needs a bit of practice and getting f used to but honestly, it's so much easier than having them in a pram snd having to stop and get them out to settle and feed.

Nowhere to walk to from the house (lots of walks around the forest though) so going into town seemed really daunting. As others said, feed before you leave, feed on arrival. Mine didn't like the sling either but was happy in a carrier (I use the ergobaby and with practice I could feed in it on the go).

Not quite the right time year yet but in spring I spent a lot of time wandering around garden centres, fresh air and nooks and crannies to sit and feed in!

Do you go to any baby classes? At that age they were a life line for me as they gave me some structure and something to do (the baby couldn’t care less of course, but that’s fine, they are more for mums at that age!). Of course, everyone at a baby class is in the same boat, feeding, crying, changing nappies etc. Most of the time the mums would all go to a cafe after too so it can easily kill a good couple of hours and you are in similar company.

To me, this sounds like a confidence issue rather than how easy or difficult it is.

Objectively it's not difficult to take a breastfed newborn out. You can literally feed them anywhere (I did, random benches, on fairground rides, going through passport control, all sorts), but what's difficult is that you feel self conscious when he's crying and feeding right?

Hopefully confidence will come in time, and in that way it may become easier. On the other side, this is the most portable age, and actually 0-6m had been the easiest time to do things like shopping. No mobile baby desperate to crawl, or new walker that is trying to hide in the clothes rails or a preeschooler nagging to go to the park.

One thing I've learned with c parenting so far is that regardless of the stage your children will cause you to feel awkward and embarrassed. When a newborn because they cry it won't latch on. But later you'll be carrying them surfboard style out of the park whilst they shout help (making you look like a kidnaper), or they'll tell a stranger about your poo. Or they'll have a poo accident where you least can deal with it. My 4yo literally told a liftfull of strangers in a HOSPITAL that I had diarrhea!

In contrast, honestly, no-one is taking notice that your baby is crying. I remember going to a cafe with toddler and 5 day old second born. I was embarrassed that she screamed, refused a bottle and was in a total state, with me trying to breastfeed her (my first feed in public) with an elderly man watching us. But I doubt anyone thought about it for long. But they may have remember my 2yo who simultaneously projectile vomitted (yes it was a whilr before we went back 😂).

I'm time you'll develop your 'don't care' attitude where stuff like that rolls off you - it's training for the excruciating embarrassment of a public toddler tantrum.

Maybe go out with a friend with babies so you can practice not giving a damn what others think together. For in reality they aren't judging, and only think 'aww a baby' or 'I remember those times'.

Ps: feeding in a sling was a total game changer for me!

!

Thanks everyone all really helpful comments.

@Somuchgoo your story about the kidnapper really made me laugh!!

This is good advice.

The first time you go the mall you'll be anxious and stressed. After the first time it's easier. Most malls have feeding rooms too for both your comfort