How to move bedtime earlier when cosleeping??

[Threetwoone321]

Ive coslept with my 6 month old since birth as he is an awful sleeper and it was the only thing that worked. Bedtime is currently between 8-9.30pm as I really struggle to go to sleep any earlier than that but we’ve started having early wakings and I think it might be due to him needing to go to bed earlier. We normally have to do a 4th nap between 6-7pm so that he can make it to bedtime but it’s always a struggle. I feel like this is probably when he should naturally go to bed instead. The problem is he only stays asleep for 20 mins max if I roll away from him so it’s hard to put him to bed at a decent time and then leave. This means I’d potentially have to go to bed myself at 7pm.

Any cosleepers have the same issue and how do you get around it so that baby has an age appropriate bedtime without you needing to go to bed too?

No advice sorry as I co-sleep with my 1 year old and go to bed with her at 6.30 and stay there, some nights I manage to get away if the stars align and with a video monitor I then spend the evening worried and on edge as she's not really in a safe sleep space without me there (king size bed one side free to roll off ect) I'm trying to enjoy the cuddles as they change so quick and my son happily sleeps alone now.

I do think the late nap will be making a huge difference to bedtime maybe try having that as bedtime but staying there to see how it effects morning wake up for a week or so?

Sorry not much help there but following for any advice as it's not ideal now I'm back at work I rarely see my dh

@babyno2isdue that sounds tough! Do you manage to go to sleep at that or just lie in the dark?

I just use it as a chance to catch-up on any series my dh doesn't watch (with headphones of course )

I have been known to doze off my self and wake up to dh coming to bed and then struggle to get back to sleep

Typically she always sleeps soundly when I'm next to her and as soon as I move downstairs, I'm up/down like a yo-yo all night so often think what's the point

@babyno2isdue thats a good idea. Unfortunately my boy will only stay asleep if right next to me and my boob so I don’t think I’d be able to get into a position to watch any tv 😞

Dd was exactly the same at that age, would bf all evening. It's hard when not having a break, it will improve over time, I know it's not what you want to hear, I felt the same and became really resentful of my dh putting ds to bed and just being able to relax but realised it doesn't change the situation.

We did consider sleep training (worked well with my bottle fed son) but I just couldn't put her through it when I was her only comfort, dd had a dummy.

Have you tried a dummy, may be too late now dd never took to it?

I also think being in own room would help but selfishly i know I would end up with even less sleep as she still feeds a lot in the night.

Sorry again not really advice just solidarity

@babyno2isdue Thanks. I still appreciate the solidarity! It helps to know I’m not alone in this issue.

We’re considering sleep training and/or moving into his own room but I think it’ll be really hard due to his heavy reliance on me to sleep and my mummy heart hurts at the thought. He’s never succesfully slept in a cot/his bedside crib. But we may need to if we can’t successfully get him to bed at a decent time without me as I really don’t think I can go to bed at 7 and just lie in the dark 😞

Wouldn't he fall asleep on you on the boob downstairs? He'll be close to you and then whenever you're ready to go to bed, you'd just take him with you? That's how we do it. Just before it's time for the night sleep (anywhere between 7-9 depending on last nap), we put him in sleep suit and sleeping bag, dim the light a bit, and he falls alseep on breast. We can then turn the series on, or play together, and whenever we're ready we just move to the bedroom.

My DS never slept good on his own, last week we tried putting him to cot when we came upstairs and he would wake up after 2h, and then every hour after that. It was a nightmare compared to my 8 usual hours without waking up when cosleeping.

@Rakszasa unfortnately not 😞 he’d treat it as a nap and be wide awake after 30 mins

Listen to audiobooks or podcasts in headphones?

@shewolfsout yeah that could be a good idea. Depressing that that’ll be my evening but definitely better than lying awake in the dark! 😂 what we do for our babies hey!

This is also me! I’ve been going to bed at 7pm since my 4 year old was born and now co sleep with baby 2. I’m quite looking forward to the day that I can stay up and do adult things (maybe even watch non cartoon TV!) but for now I just like sleep!

@Treedecsandtinsel do you just go to sleep at 7pm or manage to watch tv in bed?

Mumsnet on your phone😁 thank goodness for smart phones. 9years ago when I had DS I played A LoT of candy crush haha.

I still co sleep with 6 and 9 year old (I do the rates to kick them out when they're being unruly!) when I had DD (DS was 2.5) I used to feed her to sleep, while singing lullabies for DS, then scooch her over so they were spooning and I could escape for a bit downstairs! They still have a very close bond.

So to answer your question, you need to have another DC to keep that one company and let you go downstairs!

Mumsnet on your phone😁 thank goodness for smart phones. 9years ago when I had DS I played A LoT of candy crush haha.

I still co sleep with 6 and 9 year old (I do the rates to kick them out when they're being unruly!) when I had DD (DS was 2.5) I used to feed her to sleep, while singing lullabies for DS, then scooch her over so they were spooning and I could escape for a bit downstairs! They still have a very close bond.

So to answer your question, you need to have another DC to keep that one company and let you go downstairs!

Mumsnet on your phone😁 thank goodness for smart phones. 9years ago when I had DS I played A LoT of candy crush haha.

I still co sleep with 6 and 9 year old (I do the rates to kick them out when they're being unruly!) when I had DD (DS was 2.5) I used to feed her to sleep, while singing lullabies for DS, then scooch her over so they were spooning and I could escape for a bit downstairs! They still have a very close bond.

So to answer your question, you need to have another DC to keep that one company and let you go downstairs!

I'm another that has to go to bed when baby does (almost 12 months old). Usually he goes to bed 8ish and wakes 8ish but I'm trying to get it earlier, as I return to work in March. Yesterday I left him and he woke up after 40 minutes. I want him to self settle but it's hard! He wakes up to be resettled throughout the night when we are co-sleeping.

I tend to do admin on my phone or browse a bit (read mumsnet). I’m usually asleep by 8 though!

pre Kids I often wouldn’t get in until midnight due to work/gym/socialising. I can’t imagine that now!

i really must get back to at least reading kindle books or watching films (with ear phones) as I’ve lost touch with it all and that makes me sadly boring!

I have always coslept with my now 17 m o son. We have a double mattress floor bed. At around 9 months I was able to start leaving him in the bed after he fell into deep sleep, usually by 8pm (start putting him down at 7 or 730). Most night I can stay up til 10 or 11, if he wakes I lay down and resettle him. We have a video monitor. The room is safe in case he gets up and moves around before I get there. I used to do a dream feed when I came to bed but he dropped that a couple months ago. He usually doesn't wake now il 5 or 6 am, wants milk and snoozes a little more. So, it gets better. I only have to go to bed early with him now if he's unwell or having bad teething. Hang in there!

@Threetwoone321 did you find any magical solution to this?

@437Applepie I’m afraid not 😞. For a bit I tried rolling away and leaving a monitor on and going downstairs but as expected, I was back in to resettle within half an hour so then I just accepted I had to go to bed at 7/7.30pm for a couple of months. Eventually we decided to sleep train as lying in a dark room for hours unable to sleep was completely miserable. Cosleeping really isn’t the magic solution for everyone as a lot of Mumsnetters make out.

@Threetwoone321 sorry it didn't work out for you. I'm trying that at the moment and on a good day I'll get an hour or so but other days I'm up and down. I really like co sleeping through the night but the evenings are turning into a minefield. I was considering powering through to try and get them into a routine but I don't know if that will even do any good. I just feel like a really need that hour in the evening

@Threetwoone321 do you mind me asking what method of sleep training you used and how it went...am in a similar boat myself and looking at different options x