11 yr old and sleep over

[theRig]

My daughter has been invited to a sleep over this weekend by her friend from school

Her mum text me ( I don't know her ) and asked and initially I said yes....my daughter had a friend to stay last weekend and all was ok

Anyway I don't know why but I have a bad feeling now...

When I asked the mum for her address for drop off and time she gave it to me and let's just say it's a block of flats that rally aren't very nice at all
I'm not snobbish at all and don't have any problem with anyone on benefits having been on them myself before ! But this building everyone is on benefits and the building is known for being very rough ...
I really don't want to sound horrible but I don't know how else to put it! So I don't want to offend anyone

She replied that no need to drop off they are all just walking home themselves
( I googled it because there school is in the sticks - no one walks home ) and it's 40 min walk
My daughter gets the bus ( as does everyone else ) but doesn't walk or go out alone ever
She walks to the bus stop at the end of the road and that bus takes her into school grounds so to walk home 40 mins I think made me feel worried

My daughter then tells me about 4 girls are going but isn't too sure on the details ! It kept changing 3 girls then 4 then I don't know mum
She didn't even know what town until I asked her mum for the address

My girl is a young 11 ( august born !) but just in my opinion quite immature for her age
Happy go lucky and is so so excited about going and when I said I'll have a think and let you know tomorrow she teared up
I know she's excited and wants to go and I want her to have friends and fun but I have a really horrible feeling about it I can't shake

Am I being too over protective?honest opinions because this is all new to me

( she's just started secondary in sept year 7 )

Am I supposed to just let my 11 yr old walk 40 mins with 3-5 girls I've never met to a flat and sleep and stay over somewhere I have no idea who is there ??

I know that must sound stupid but honestly I have no idea !!

Thanks all x

Oh goodness OP that's a tricky one. I would feel nervous too but obviously your DD will want to go. I don't know what I'd do. Could you say no this time but then let your DD invite the girls to hers for a sleepover in a couple of weeks to get to know them a bit better?

I would decline the invitation.

Definitely not. I would make an excuse. You don’t know the mum and you don’t know the family or friends that will be coming in and out of the flat and having contact with your daughter.

Definitely not a sleepover when you do not know the parents. You will not be popular, but unfortunately being a parent often involves making unpopular decisions and taking the flack. Make a rule that sleepovers are only allowed with children whose parents you know well and it will not seem so pointed - and is a good rule anyway.

Agree with PPs, no if you don't know the parents. Mine is only in primary so it's fairly easy to meet parents at drop off/pick up. I guess it's a bit different in secondary when kids do commute by themselves.

Thanks all, Definitely needed some other RL parents advice on this as all my friends have different age children and it is a tough one

I do think it will be a no but I've asked her to have a chat with the girl today and see what she can tell me ( more to see if she has listened to what have asked ) this is the thing she's a bit bad with lack of info, can't ever seem to tell me anything or detail, can't hold concentration so that does make it hard
But I did say I would decide today after school
She asked me just before bed at 9pm so we were chatting and could see her getting upset and it was 9:20 and then late for bed
I asked her to turn off electronics and we would talk tomorrow (8:50 as bed is at 9pm) 910 she came down saying the girl has messaged so was cross at that
I know she's just excited but she just doesn't listen

Conversations like this

Me...How many girls are going?
Daughter - umm 5
Me - 5?
Daughter - oh no I mean 3
Me - what's their names ?
Daughter - Emma, Louise, Joanne and I don't know the other girl ( have made up names )
Me - you don't know the other girl ?
Daughter - oh the other girl is me !
Me - that's not 5 ?!

Honestly she just guesses and we would rather her say I don't know but I'll find out

She just doesn't concentrate and info goes in one ear out the other so walking home 40mins when she's never done it, staying over etc I just don't think she's ready

But I know we had someone to stay the other day !

So it's a hard one but I definitely don't feel comfortable

@Mischance that's a good idea - wish I had set that.

I may say no to sleep overs until the summer. Buys me time !

It seems a bit of an obsession now - since we had a friend to stay its now a bit of a competition- have you been to so and sos house etc - so it will just carry on if I allow this one

I'm going to be popular tonight!! 😫😫😫x

No to sleepover but invite that girl for tea or cinema or something you are doing on a weekend. That way you can meet the girls mum when she drops her off and get more familiar with her.