What were your key considerations for having a second child?

[december2020]

Apart from money of course.

I'd dearly love a second a child, DH is on the fence.

We decided we'd make a decision this summer once we have more clarity of what our new mortgage payments would be (fixed term ends this year). We don't have any friends or family help (haven't had any for the first either) so that isn't in our favour.

Apart from the very crucial criteria of money, what were your key considerations for having a second?

There was nothing academic about the decision, we knew we wanted two. That’s probably not too helpful, but it’s the truth.

I wanted my children to have the chance to have a sibling relationship if possible. I thought about the cost of childcare, so older child being 3 when I went back to work. Having enough space in the house and how we would manage childcare for two. Although I've found having a toddler hard, I quite enjoy it and wasn't quite ready to leave the toddler/baby stage behind yet - feel like I've plenty of time still to have nights out and holidays etc.

Overall pregnancy was quite hard and the first few weeks but I am now really loving having two.

We knew we wanted another child in our family and for my son to have a sibling. That is just our feelings obviously for our family.

I wanted it, nothing to consider, that was all, I wanted a bigger family..

We haven’t had a second yet but we have decided to try. Our considerations for money weren’t just for the short term childcare costs, but we wanted to make sure we had enough to give our DC good experiences growing up, holidays, days out, activities and also to be able to save for house deposits. We think we can for 2 kids but not for 3 so we will stick at 2. We would have stuck at 1 if we couldn’t have afforded that. We also really want our DC to have a sibling.

I quit work for a while after my second because we didn't get a lot of help and child care was expensive, so financially took a hit but we budgeted and it wasn't forever so all was fine and I thought it was worth it. I'm back in work now, they are in school. In my experience I was much more laid back second time around.

We haven’t been as fortunate as other posters. Would dearly love another child but fertility issues and a recent serious accident mean it may no longer be on the cards for us. So the decision wasn’t in our hands. I deeply envy women who can just decide and then get pregnant with no trouble at all. They are very lucky!

I wanted another child. The feeling was exactly the same as before I had DC1. They're now 4 and almost 2 and I've not had that same feeling again.

‘Did we want one’ was literally it.

We’re in the lucky position that we didn’t need to do the maths on affording it, but I knew that any other considerations would be secondary to that one.

Sibling relationships are un-knowable either way; the additional affect on my job is negligible over the course of a career; and if they have health issues (I’m currently pg), we’ll deal with it in the same way we’d need to deal with DD being unwell.

We knew we wanted a sibling for our first child, he's super social and we knew it would be right for him. More emotionally, I always wanted four seats at the table.
Practically speaking, we wanted a 3.5/4 year age gap as that made most financial sense and would mean I was on maternity leave when our first child was starting school so I could manage all the 'half day here, 3/4 of an hour there' initial weeks. We felt it would give us a great amount of time one on one with him and at 4 he'd be at a point where we're not so much the centre of his world so he'd feel the impact of a second child slightly less in terms of division of attention etc.

Realistically, however, he's just turned two and I'm 12 weeks pregnant, so there go those excellent and well considered plans!

I was gonna say this for me is the same. I think I knew I wasn't done but I am now for sure 😂

I just wanted to have another one close to the first one so that the childcare years would be over sooner and they would have each other to play with.

having 2 was hard at first but it was the best decision I’ve ever made, I love love love having 2 kids, seeing them together is the cutest thing ever x

I am really pleased I have siblings.
dh is pleased he has siblings
We wanted the same for our dc.

None really to be honest. I already worked part time after first child, we had a big enough house and could afford another.

We always wanted more than 1 so it was never really discussed. More of a when so we decided what was the lowest age gap we cld manage with and be started trying from then.

Age gap was something I thought about a lot. I definitely didn’t want less than two years.

I agree. Don’t overthink it. Do you just want one?

I would be 40.
The consultant had given me a huge lecture about declining tests at my age. I had fortnightly scans throughout DS1 pregnancy. So more aware of risks.
DS slept well and it was hard enough. The tales from others of no sleep for years really put me off.
DH worked long shifts so wasn't able to help much.
DS has cousins so a sibling wasn't necessary for a feeling of family connection.
So DS is an only. At 18 he's well adjusted, sociable and has a good bunch of friends.

What if you have twins?!

What if they have triplets? What if her husband gets hit by a meteorite? What if OP gets made redundant? You work on likely outcomes, not the much less likely ones.

Thank you everyone so far for sharing!

Essentially I'd dearly want one. I think DS would thrive having a sibling (I know the sibling relationship is never guaranteed). DH yes, but he's more practical and worries about the monetary side, cost of living, crazy toddler years etc etc

But I'm getting older and time isn't on my side at all, so it feels like a "now or never" situation come this summer.

She said they couldn't care for 3. Just thought I'd point out there are other potential outcomes than a singleton pregnancy. Maybe I'm on too many IVF groups where twins are quite common - however we have 4 sets in our family, 2 in mine and 2 in DH's and none are IVF.

I was on the fence. We felt we’d be happy sticking with just one, but probably equally happy with two once we’d got through the baby stage (I don’t enjoy the baby stage). Lots of advantages to one, including money and also fewer years having to sit round soft plays bored out of my mind. Advantages to two were less knowable but we figured there must be some because our friends with two enjoyed it!

DC2 is now just under two, it started being fun earlier than expected because so far they’ve had a good sibling relationship. Meanwhile the money is tighter than expected, with cost of living. So I work more hours than I want to, but we manage.