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Divorce and truth

2 replies

5onto1 · 11/01/2023 19:34

I'm a man, I know it's mum's net but I need some advice from you all. I've been with my partner, now wife for 7 years. No kids of my own but she has 3 they were 2 and 2 and 5 when we met. We moved in together and her being a career hungry woman I became stay at home dad and did literally everything for my family. The children see me as dad and have no contact with the biological father's. 18 months ago she started seeing a guy and her being a dominant soul wouldn't stop and told me she was poly so I had to accept it and I didn't want to lose my children. We kind of had an agreement that she had every Saturday night and Wednesday night at his. Well she lost interest in me and had very limited interest in the children. I carried on being dad and mum to them. I then found out she has been putting bad stuff in their heads about me and rows started ending in her not caring about involving the children while arguing which I just won't have. I knew I had to leave for the sake of the girls, bear in mind I'm only a step dad not biological. So, up to now today. she isn't interested in me but now seeing the new guy. I am allowed to see the children as much as I can, she has been great over that although I think it's convenient as she gets free time because of it. The children now 10,10 and 13 think I just left and one of the youngest asked me why I left. I just said sometimes mum's and dads fall out of love so they have no idea of what is behind it. I hate that as it makes me a guy that walked away from them after 7 years. My ex obviously doesn't want them to know but I don't want them thinking anything bad of me. What should I do? What should they know? Once finances are under discussion and divorce solicitors get involved I know she will be making me out to be bad and I hate it.

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HappyBunnyNow · 15/01/2023 02:19

I think what you said to the children is 100% the right approach. So many people don't seem to be able to resist dragging their kids into their relationship conflict and it's so damaging. If you continue to parent and support the kids they will see that despite the relationship not working out you are still there for them and are reliable and caring. Even though it's a tough situation it's lucky that their biological mother is happy for you to continue parenting them. Once they're older they will understand the situation they may even understand it already, kids don't miss much. The main thing is to continue to be a good role model and support to them and not to say negative things about their Mum. I have a similarish situation and was advised by a child psychologist that the best way to respond to kids saying that my ex said something negative about me is "I'm sorry he feels that way." You should get a parenting agreement agreed on before you do the finances so that your time with the kids is established.

5onto1 · 15/01/2023 08:29

Thank you x

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