AIBU - not trusting grandparents with baby

[PrplePanda]

My parents are supposed to be looking after my 3 month old in a few days. This will be the first time I've left him with anyone other than his dad.
I've always had a sense of discomfort with my parents around the baby. They do things that I think are a bit OTT like having a towel and a Changing table at their house, even though we visit about once a week and always in the day time. They've also ignored my request to not kiss the baby (which I've told to everyone) and just say 'oh but he's had his vaccinations'.

AIBU for not trusting them? Is this just normal new mum anxiety?

It's your choice whether you leave your baby or not but I find not trusting them because they have bought a changing table crazy. Do they have cold sores at the moment or anything else that makes you worried about kissing? If you're worried about air-born viruses it'll spread if they're around the baby anyway.

Depends on relationship withDP . I personally never had any qualms leaving my children with my Mum at any age and my daughter is the same towards us with her child.
Having a changing table is a sensible ,safe idea especially if they would struggle changing baby on the floor or bed .

This has nothing to do with the changing table. Why don't you trust them? Do you trust anyone? Does dad look after baby on his own?

I think it’s really sweet they’ve got some good essentials like a towel and changing table - it’s really nice they’ve gone out and bought some bits to make visits easier. They’ve done that for you and baby!

And you don’t want them to kiss their own grandchild? That’s so sad. Your baby will get ill with colds and bugs endlessly, from anywhere - don’t forcibly remove love and affection based on that.

I think you need to ask yourself why you feel so nervous. Personally I think it’s a disproportionate response to loving grandparents and you need to start getting used to your baby being cared for by others. Otherwise she won’t want to leave you when you DO need additional care.

What were they like as parents? Have you seen them with other babies? What are they like when they’re with him and you?

I think you need to trust your gut, it’s there for a reason unless you’re prone to a lot of extra anxiety. I didn’t love being away from DD at that age but trusted my mum completely, she’s far more careful than we are! There are other people who wanted to have her (not PIL FTR…) who I didn’t trust so never did it.

what do you think they will do to your baby while you are not there?

Kindly you are being over the top. Unless you had an abusive/neglectful childhood.
Of course they want to kiss their grandchild. Do you not let your DP/DH kiss your baby?
And the changing table is just sweet and shows how excited they are.

My parents wouldn't kiss my baby if I asked them not to. Not dismiss my feelings like that. If you must go ahead with this I suggest building it up from an hour at a time. Make sure they do some online first aid training.

That’s strange, from what you’ve said they haven’t done anything wrong at all! It’s good they’ve got the changing table and I can’t see what’s wrong with grandparents kissing a baby. Unless you’re going to drip feed that they are terrible people…

Bizarre

I don't think getting a changing matt is OTT and it shows that they consider hygiene. Kissing a baby is fine, in a couple of months baby will be sticking their fingers and all sorts in the their own mouth.

This does seem really sad. Theyre trying to show they are loving, prepared grandparents.

I agree. I can't imagine how hurt the grandparents would be to read that you don't trust them because they bought a changing table and kissed their grandchild.

You're being OTT. Your own parents who raised you? Why are you concerned? Very weird.

Clearly the previous replies don't understand boundaries, if you asked them not to kiss your child - regardless of your reasonings, they should respect that.
I had a close friend who's baby almost died from RSV from being passed around and kissed, so I definitely understand being cautious.
In regards to the changing table etc, these things are always done with good intent but I definitely would have also found it a bit much.

I understand your anxiety, I was utterly terrified leaving DD - it gets easier as they get older. Why don't you start small and leave them for an hour and build up slowly?

The kissing thing is super annoying and I would be really firm that it really upsets you

You're making it unnecessarily stressful for yourself. It's lovely they have facilities to make YOUR life easier when you go round. As for kissing...that is incredibly sad you feel that way. Kissing is a natural show of affection that they obviously would want to show their grandchild. You have some serious issues you need to work through otherwise you're going to make yours and your baby's life hard and miserable!

You are over reacting unless there is something you are not telling us?

I have a new granddaughter and I have things here for her, which makes life easier for her parents.

I always kept spare stuff at my house for my DGS and still do. Saves my DCs lugging stuff around.

Unless you're going to come out with a massive drip feed then you're being unreasonable. Plus, now baby's 3 months, kissing won't do any harm. Won't be long before your baby's being exposed to far worse than a kiss from a loving grandparent

I had a high chair, a buggy and a travel cot here when dgs was a baby because it made it easier for dd to drop and run. They turned out to be incredibly useful and even if not used daily it made it easier when dd visited for lunch or dinner as well as dgs could be fed and have a nap if needed. I understand no kissing if someone is ill or has a cold sore but it seems OTT to me to ban all kissing. If your parents weren't neglectful or abusive and managed to raise you and their only "crime" is to have bought a changing table then I think that is really bizarre tbh and maybe you need to speak to somebody about your anxiety.