Am I being selfish for my parenting decisions?

[jlou92]

I'm a mother of a four month old baby, he's my first baby & I think the world of him. I have family members asking to babysit him and pressuring me but I'm not ready to part with him, I like to spend as much time as I can with him as he'll only be this age once. So when I'm saying they can have him for an hour eventually but not right now am I being spiteful? I let anyone who wants to see him come to the house and spend as much time as they want with him and we also take him to visit his family members but I'm being made to feel guilty and being told it's like them having supervised visits all because I'm there.

My niece was like this with her boys. And at four months that’s fine and as it should be.

But then even as they grew she never let them be with any relatives on their own. She would visit, but the boys would just cling to her and even though we played with them, we were never able to bond 1-2-1. We’d say ‘go and have a cup of tea and a break, they’ll be fine for half an hour’ and she’d say ‘I don’t need a break from my children.’ They are lovely boys but are nearly teenagers now, and none of the family really know them or have individual relationships with them. It’s really sad, especially when I’ve seen how much my own DC thrived with spending time with other family members. It takes a village and all that…

So no, your baby is too young to be separated yet but don’t alienate your family too much. Your child can never have too much love and attention from all their family!

No you are most definitely not being unreasonable!! Your baby! Your right not to share! They can come round to visit, to cuddle, to help your round the house but NOT to force you to leave him! Quite frankly its spiteful of them to push when you've politely said no!

I am guessing these family members don't have kids or have completely forgotten what it is like? We first left our LO at 7 months for a date night, before that I think would have been crazy and I was breastfeeding so it made no sense.

There should be no pressure especially at that age. Can't they come over and spend time with both of you?

My instinct must be off. I was desperate to have a break from my babies at this age. I would have killed for it. In fact needed a regular break so much we put them in nursery at four and five months pt each time and I went back to work. GP fighting for a sleepover would have been beyond my wildest dreams. But it never happened. Twenty years on though and we all bonded well enough.
Everyone is different however and you do what works for you.

YANBU, you're fine, family would be annoying me if I were in your place.

Your family need to back off.
Your baby your rules. You will leave your child with family when you are ready. Everyone is different and if you don't feel like you need a break yet then don't, there will be plenty of times in the future when you will want a break even if it's just an hour and they can look after your child then

You'll know when you're ready, put your foot down and F what others think ❤️

I have a boy who's 1 and he has barely spent time away from me 🤣 from him being 2 months old up until 6 months I got hassled over it, particularly by the mother in law. Then we went on holiday with her and I let her do as much as she wanted and he did some poo explosions & she never asks now 🤣

But I don't care, I adore him, even the bad days, I wouldn't swap them for the world.

"The days are long but the years are short"

❤️

I'm all for people helping you with childcare and I sometimes roll my eyes at people who go years not allowing people to babysit (not saying that's you, OP - it's not!) but no one has a right to time with a baby without its parent just because they fancy it. People by all mean should offer to help look after your child if you want a night off, but they shouldn't be asking with time with them for their own sake.

Personally we loved having some nights off and handing DCs over to our parents (and were able to do this fairly early with oldest as they were a good sleeper and easy to feed) but I'd have been a bit freaked out if people have been demanding to have our child at their convenience.

And what is their particular reason to demand the visits without you present?
If course they are supervised visits. It’s how it should be at the very beginning. When you’ll see that you can trust your relatives and they will have a initial bond with your baby then you all will move to the next stage.
Some do this earlier some later but some are never - and it’s ok too.

Your baby. Your rules.

Simples.

Congratulations on your baby.

Your baby your decision. You should do what feels right. Personally I wouldn't have wanted to leave my baby at that age with anyone unless I really had to.

Not at all! I find it really odd how people seem to want alone time with babies. I really don’t get it

your family are being very weird. why do they need to be alone with YOUR baby? that's just plain odd.
my kids are much older and they only spend time with other relatives without me if i need a babysitter. they never go to see their aunt 'just for fun'. their aunts would find that weird too tbh. if she invites us over, she invites all of us.
they all get on great with their extended family. my presence isn't a hinderance to them forming relationships.

4 years - yes. 4 months, come on! He's still very young.