To have a second child or not..thoughts please?

[Poppy200]

My ds is 11 months old and dh & I always spoke about having two children quite close in age. So with ds turning 1 in February we are starting to talk about ttc again.

can people share with me their experiences of having a 2 year (or less) age gap?? My best friend has two DDs 18 months apart and they are best friends. My friend said she wanted the ‘baby stage’ out of the way and that It’s easier in the way that they already had everything they needed, the girls play together etc, entertain each other, enjoy similar experiences/ days out.
But then I think how on earth will I cope with a toddler and a baby, both in nappies etc. sleepless nights?? how do people do it???

also changing the subject slightly but I’m worried about the cost of living and having an extra mouth to feed.. me & dh both work full time and make good income in my opinion (around £80k household income and we live in the northwest). We are also lucky enough to have both sets of grandparents for childcare so we have no nursery fees.

can people please tell me their thoughts? Dh thinks I’m over thinking - I was flapping when I was pregnant with ds as I was worried about money etc but we were fine. I’m just a worrier and over thinker.

Im an only child and my dream for ds is to have a sibling and friend for life. I don’t ever want him to feel the loneliness I felt as a child. However I don’t want to ruin his life or lower his quality of life by having another baby!

Ours are two years apart. Are friends and play mates as well as siblings, did I say partners in crime? Also want to go to similar days out/ holidays. If two in nursery won’t cripple you then get going.

You will be fine. That’s a decent wage considering you won’t have childcare costs. We are in the south and had to pay full time childcare. We waited until DD was nearly 3 to have DC2 so that her free childcare hours would kick in. That was a nice age gap but people certainly manage with 2 closer in age. I imagine the first couple of years would be challenging!! But then would get much easier quickly as they would entertain each other

We have a 20 month gap. Now nearly 10 and 11.5. Been exhausting at times... but mostly brilliant. DD1 was too young to be jealous. Playmates. Similar hobbies... in fact we are now going out of our way to give them opportunities to ve separate!

On your other point. Will relatives be happy looking after two, or would it be better timing it so elder child is at preschoolfor their 30hrs?
Money... biggest cost is MAternity leave if no childcare costs. Where you considering Private education or happy with state?

Wow thanks for all your replies!

How do you all manage we the cost of days out/holidays etc paying for two children? I don't want ds to miss out on experiences if we couldn't afford to pay for two children etc. or I suppose is it just a case of saving harder and living more carefully?

@PuttingDownRoots I did worry about this. But I have had an open conversation and they said they would happily look after my second baby if I had one within the next year. They are mid fifties and my mum said they would rather do it all now than before they get too old and cant manage for whatever reason.

Also they would go to state schools so I guess our only fees would be breakfast club/after school club if we needed them. Can't remember if I mentioned in my first post but I work in a secondary school so I would have all the holidays off with them.

My girls are 2 years apart and I loved it. My only regret (might be a bit silly) is that my eldest DD grew up so fast being the older one and I feel like I didn't sort of .. notice her growing up, if that makes sense? But I'd absolutely do it again.