Okay… talk to me about sleep training a 15 month old breastfed baby who cries the second she touches her cot mattress

[Tryingandhoping2020]

I really didn’t want to sleep train but it’s getting ridiculous, worse rather than better. She went down to bed an hour ago and has already needed settling twice. Tried night weaning with my DH going in instead of me (as she just screams for milk when I go in) but we only managed 2 days of that and it didn’t seem to improve. She settles for him as well as me but it didn’t lessen the night wakings. The main problem is she needs to be cuddled and completely asleep before putting in the cot. Tried drowsy but awake, but if she is awake she will scream and instantly sit/stand up and continue screaming until you pick her up. Even if I’m sitting next to her shh/patting she will scream until she’s picked up. I did this for an hour once to no avail. Most sleep training methods seem to assume your baby is calm lying down in the cot when you are in the room, but this isn’t the case for us. Does anyone have any experiences similar to mine and make any suggestions. P.S. please don’t suggest co-sleeping, as that doesn’t work for us.
thank you

My daughter is 10 months and night weaned and had been a bit like this. I reverted to rocking her to sleep and started putting her in her cot with a toy during the day while I sorted her clothes etc because she had just started to associate the cot with being forced to go to sleep. Now we’ve started again so I put her in her cot and occasionally she will eventually lie down and go to sleep with a lot of coaxing but mostly she will either play or start to cry. So now after 10 minutes I take her out and rock her to sleep and then put her down. I’m not sure what the next step will be(!) but it seems like we’re making some progress. When she wakes at night usually she will settle with a bit of help without having to be picked up. Also working very hard on making sure she gets enough daytime sleep as I think part of the problem is overtiredness.

Is floor bed an option? Then she’ll be warm and comfortable and you combat roll and sneak out?
Lots of reasons for waking up at that age that sleep training won’t solve - feeling cold, having a cold/cough, teething, hunger, thirst…

Is the mattress warm?

I figured out it was that that woke my dd when I put her down.

Put a heat pad on it or hot water bottle and take off just before you put baby down. Baby sleeping bags mean they don't realise so much too.

Don’t think it’s the mattress temp, we had this even when it was hot in the summer. Floor bed is a no go, way too much potential for injury as she’s starting to try to walk and there is way too much to baby proof.
I guess the question is, how do I get to a place where I put her in the cot awake and she doesn’t instantly cry?

As someone with 16 month old breastfed co sleeper who wakes all night I have no advice.

Other than to ask does she sleep all night? Is it just false starts your struggling with?

I guess the question is, how do I get to a place where I put her in the cot awake and she doesn’t instantly cry?

I know it doesn’t help you now 💐 but it’s developmental. My first I was able to reason with from 2yo, and persuaded him it’s time to wean at 2.5yo.

Is she crying because she’d rather be held?

@BestName nope she most certainly does not sleep all night! Always been up at least 1/2 times and more recently it’s been a few times before we go to bed and then 3/4 times during the night, which just isn’t sustainable now I’m back at work :(

@7Worfs thank you, this has been my philosophy and thought she would just grow out of it but it seems to be getting worse rather than better! And it’s not sustainable now as we both work :( Yes I think she’s reliant on being held to fall back to sleep.

☹️ I’m sorry OP, I know what it’s like… DC1 started sleeping well around the 2.5-3yo mark.
As soon as it happened I had DC2.
I’ve resorted to co-sleeping with baby; if 3yo wakes up in the night DH goes and co-sleeps in his room.

Could have written this about my son. In the end we co-slept. It saved our sanity. Tried various sleep training methods - nothing worked and it felt like it was becoming cruel as he just screamed & screamed for hours.
He's now 3 and goes to sleep in his own bed for most of the night but does still like to come in to us. We have to lie with him to go to sleep but this only takes 5-10mins since he stopped day naps.

I've had a similar experience....DD1 now 5 I night weaned at 2 (tried on multiple occasions beforehand but she just screamed and got in a state and i couldn't do it- by 2 she understood better and it actually went okay and I just cuddled her and offered her water instead) She hated the cot and we had to put it up against our bed in our room with the side off from when she was about 7-18mths, by which point she was able to be moved into a toddler bed with bed guard.Sometimes they just don't like the restrictiveness of the cot.

My DD2 is nearly 15mths and luckily she does settle in the cot to sleep somewhat better, but only after multiple goes at feeding, often we have afew false starts where I've fed her for while then try lay her down before she is happy to roll over and go to sleep so she just protests and I have to go at it again.

I don't know how much she understands,but I have started saying things like 'one more dee dee' (what she calls b/fing) or 'last dee dee' and not sure if that helps wind her down with it.

I've read about transferring sleep associations, for example to a comforter that's been 'conditioned' to smell familiar etc...that didn't work for my DD she just chucked it to the side all the time and wanted me, but maybe it may work for you.

She hasn't learned to self settle, hence why you have to go to her every time. You need to teach her to self settle and that will include nightweaning as she is currently relying on feeding and/or cuddling to get to sleep. A 15 month old doesn't need to be fed overnight. There are lots of ways you can do this in terms of different sleep training strategies but all are going to involve some upset/distress at this age as she learns to not rely on the props you've been using so far to get her to sleep (feeding/cuddling). You don't have to leave her on her own (depending on which method you choose) but she is going to be upset to some extent. Your alternative is to wait for her to grow out of it but that will likely be years as pp have said. Might it be helpful to use a sleep consultant so that you have a consistent method to follow, as it sounds like you're trying a bit of everything so far? You will need to pick a method and stick to it if you're going to chance her habits. Good luck.

We night weaned at 1. Husband would go in for all wakings between 7pm and 7am and offer a sippy cup of water and lots of cuddles. Yes there was a lot of crying to begin with but it calmed down. You really do have to stick with it. I knew he was safe with his dad and being comforted. Once this was well established I was able to start going in without him immediately looking for milk from me.

We also always make sure he's been offered supper before bed- usually porridge with mashed up banana or a bowl of Greek yoghurt- as I don't want him waking up hungry.

He's 16 months old now and goes to bed awake but ready to sleep, something I thought was impossible months ago! He still has a cuddle and breastfeed with me before bed, as well as a bedtime story. But at the start of sleep training he was being cuddled and rocked to sleep by his dad. It just takes a wee bit of time.

I would say it has absolutely been worth it. He goes to bed happier, wakes up happier, eats better in the day, and most importantly everyone is getting better sleep and he has learnt that daddy can comfort him just as well as mummy can.

Some things we do to help him sleep well:

Never skip supper. If he doesn't want much (or any) that's fine but we always offer.
Lullaby music on quietly in his room.
A soft night light on all night- seems to help him find a dummy in the night if he needs it.
A favourite teddy bear to cuddle at night.
Sleeping bags- we tried a toddler duvet and he would kick it off and get cold and wake up.

Another idea - assuming she still naps, you could try starting there. It can be less fraught than nighttime. How does she settle for naps right now? You can try some gentle sleep training methods for nap time to help her learn to self settle. And if it doesn’t work, a disrupted nap is often less of a crisis than a poor night’s sleep.

DD was younger when we sleep trained for naps, but it had a big, positive, immediate impact on her night time sleep too.

You will need to night wean, but to make the process easier at this age you can give her a stuffed toy that she associates with sleep and that can 'look after her'. Both of mine have a bunny (the ears are good to hold) that was introduced at the last feed before bed, reminding them that they have bunny to look after them and help them sleep. Your DD needs to learn to self settle and the best method for that, which actually works, is controlled crying. Going in at gradually longer intervals to lay them down remind them it's time for sleep and you love them and leave. Keep going in, I never left them longer than 5 minutes without checking in, and eventually they will sleep. You'll be surprised in 2 nights she'll probably not wake up at all! Make sure she's not teething / ill etc before you start, and don't give in, as consistency is key. Remember she doesn't need milk during the night, she just hasn't learnt to sleep by herself yet. You are teaching her

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread! Just wanted to share an update, last night I tried a different approach, basically I put her down in the cot awake and did anything to comfort her EXCEPT pick her up out of the cot. So when she stood up I would give her a cuddle over the cot bars, then tell her it’s time to go to sleep and laid her back down, stroked her, shh’d, rinse and repeat until she fell asleep. She had an epic screaming tantrum for about 20 minutes… and then, she stopped fighting me and fell asleep!!! She grizzled a little bit once about 10 minutes later, I went back in, laid her down again and shh’d and stroked her back… and then she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I feel like a new woman!
Obviously not expecting it to be smooth sailing from here, I think she will still need some getting used to the new normal, but I just put her down for her first nap in the new routine (sleeping bag, story, dummy, short cuddle, down awake and repeat night routine), and she fell asleep with no feed and no cuddling to sleep!
I’ll be really relieved if this works as I really didn’t want to leave her alone crying! Just wanted to share for any others who read this thread who are having similar problems. 🥳🥳

Well done you. It's really hard, but she knew you were there with her and so even if she was getting cross or upset, it was probably just with sheer frustration that she couldn't get to sleep! Keep consistent now - don't feed her and don't pick her up! Fingers crossed you've turned a corner.

Another tip is to put a t shirt you have worn for a few nights under her cot sheet so they can smell you if the rouse in the night.

Well done! You've got a foundation now so even when it's not smooth sailing stick with it.