Please tell me about your 2 under 2 experiences!

[LLMS2022]

Thanks for reading, sorry if this is a long one. I'm 8 weeks pregnant at the moment and we also have our lovely DD who is 7.5 months old. We always wanted our first two close in age, but perhaps not this close! We are aware it is going to be tricky but I would love to hear about how other people found it and if anyone had any tips!
On a side note- were your first and second babies very similair? Our DD is a different baby now but life was incredibly difficult for the first 4 months- she had colic and would cry 5 hours a night non- stop, no medication or cranial osteopathy etc worked, she had very bad silent reflux with refusal to feed so she has had several hospital admissions and been on all sorts of medications and formulas, generally a very high needs baby who requires constant stimulation and attention. We were almost completely broken at the point where she wouldn't feed and I was treated for PND. I suppose I'm quite scared that our second baby may also have colic and silent reflux? She was breech and I had a successful ECV and a fast 3 hour labour with ventouse delivery so I've always wondered if some of her problems were linked to this ( I remember the cranial osteopath commenting she was unhappy because of the above reasons).
Sorry for the essay, thank you for any replies 😊

Incredibly difficult, but finally starting to get easier now that they're 1 and 2. I've learnt that the difficulty of it depends on many different things - your financial situation and ability to pay for childcare, your working situation and the types of shifts you have to work, your partner, your home in terms of how much space you have, your family support, your children's personalities and needs... etc.

Congratulations! The first year or two are definitely not easy, but I’m delighted we had ours so close together. They are the best of friends now and have very similar interests.

I was very routine-led and managed to get them both napping at the same time each day, but I realise this is not for everyone (but it saved my sanity and enabled me to clean and prepare dinner).

Nothing could prepare me for the guilt I felt for my first born when my second arrived. I think it’s hormones, but I cried a lot just thinking about how rubbish I was as a first time mum (irrational & ridiculous in hindsight!).

Good luck though, and get a good double buggy!

Agree with everything above.

I have an 18 month age gap between my daughters and the first three months we're torture. DD2 was colicky and reflux too but I cut out cows milk and it made a huge difference. She's now 4 months and things are looking up.

Things that really helped are keeping my eldest in nursery 1 full day and 2 days my family have her. She has weekly sleepovers at her grandparents'.

I bedshare with DD2 whilst DH cosleeps with DD1. Get a sling/carrier for day time naps, prepare to take the kids out for walks to get them to sleep (also pass time) and try implementing independent learning skills with your daughter now, so she has time to build those skills and use them once your baby is here.

Honestly the first year was awful but once we got past that, it’s been the best thing ever. Dc2 was a super chilled easy baby after dc1 who literally never slept and now at 9 & 10 they’re best of friends. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Good luck!

I have a few 'pairs' of dc close together.. Work hard on a great bedtime routine for dc1.. Invest in a great double buggy and work hard to align naps. Long walks and it really can be done! Use feeding time as an excuse for cuddles all 3 of you on the sofa. Disney is your friend here ime!
And enjoy them op!!
My last 'pair' are 16 and 17 now.

14 month between mine and the first year was literal hell on earth. Think I was bordering suicidal it was so awful BUT it was also in the thick of lockdown and winter so nowhere to go and absolutely nothing to do so that didn't help.

First was a dream baby, chugged milk every 3 hours, slept through from 8 weeks. Second child hated sleep, would projectile vomit milk after 80% of bottles, default noise was just a whinge, I was on the edge.

HOWEVER, they're 2 and 3 now and they're gorgeous best friends and they both generally sleep through most nights (til 5.30) and life is significantly easier and almost just generally easy.

The age gap is lovely now and I can absolutely see the appeal, but both DH & I have both said we would never recommend it because that first year killed us.

One other thing to consider is nursery costs. We were paying £2500 a month until recently when the eldest got their 30 free hours (and now it's "only" £1600 a month).

goodness everyone seems to have had quite tricky experiences so far ..
we have a (planned) 17/18 month age gap and it was honestly ok. First baby was tricky for first 4/months but then diagnosed with milk allergy and became a lot easier after that .. was a happy and easy going little toddler when no2 arrived. 2nd baby was a chilled out little baby which no doubt helped .. so yes two different babies! we were very busy all the time but it was fine :) we were fairly routine-y which helped and lots of getting out for walks and any baby groups. get number 1 into a good bedtime routine. now they are 7 and 8 and best friends. i wouldn’t change it at all. good luck !

Ultimately I had 3 under 3.5 at one stage, and they were all wildly different. 1st 2 were 17 months apart, 1st was a teeny tiny cluster feeder who would wake every 1 to 2 hours over night. 2nd was very chilled, slept 4 hours at a time. 1st decided she needed to potty train at around time of newborn, would always claim to need a poo everytime I sat down to feed DC 2 🤣 Bedtimes were entertaining to say the least and there were definitely a few weeks where I was so tired I wasn't even sure which way up I was any more, but I came through it, and wouldn't have had it any other way. I never bothered with a double buggy, would just clip a buggy board on to the buggy for DC1. If it was a long time out somewhere I'd have the sling too and could have 1 in the sling and 1 in the buggy. (When I had DC 3, 1 would ride the buggy board, 1 in buggy and 1 in sling.)
Now they are older they fight like crazy, but they also play like best friends. I don't regret it at all.

I also had 3 under 3 at one point. Managed fine.

I'm just fucking shattered all the time but the youngest is newborn and I'm sure it will get easier. I dont regret it, but it is hard. I also have immense mummy guilt for the lack of attention I can give my eldest. But I know it will get better and I have a good support network.

Think of them as a big baby and a little baby and it helps with managing your own expectations especially of the older one. As with any age gap, there are harder bits and easier bits, but it will all be ok and things change quickly.

Congratulations! I am going through this at the moment with similar age gap, baby now 8 weeks and it is so so hard. If you're eldest goes/will be going to some sort of childcare before the baby comes I would recommend keeping it up once baby arrives. My toddler hasn't been in childcare due to us having a small gap and it is relentless. Hopefully you have a supportive partner and family nearby, I imagine that would make a big difference.

First 3 months: very easy
3-6m: getting harder
6-18m: 😱😱
18m-2y: started to get easy again

2y+ (youngest), it's much more manageable, but still not as easy as it was in the beginning.

13 month gap between dc 2 and 3 here! I honestly wish I could go back to pregnant me with dc3 and tell myself it will be OK, I was so scared, so doubted myself. I'm not saying it was easy but you just somehow get through the early days. Mine are now 4 & 5,the best of friends, can do same clubs, same bedtime, baths together, share clothes, same toys. Less intensive on us in terms of playing with them as they always have each other. Wouldn't have ever been brave enough to plan that gap, but so glad I ended up with it. You'll be fine, these things work out and you couldn't imagine it being any different x

It was horrendous!!

However, I would do it again in a heart beat. There are 19 months between mine and it was the hardest 4 years of my life. Now I have a 5 year old and a 3.5 year old. They play together, have similar interests, only one academic year apart so at the same school now.

But if you don't have good family support, or a husband who actually supports you properly, you will drown.

There’s 22 months between mine. I was very worried about it but tbh it was a lot better than when the first one was a baby - at least the second time round I had a vague idea of what I was doing! DD also was quite adept at just being taken round everywhere.

They’re 19 and 17 now and have always got on with each other which is nice 😊

H.A.R.D.D.D.D.D But now they're 3 and 5 and honestly im glad they're so close in age. They play (and fiiight) with each other, are interested in similar things etc. Your fist borns world is about to be turned upside down and they'll be craving attention even more so when baby arrives. I tried to include my eldest in pretty much everything and it really helped with their bond. Just try to remember, especially in those very difficult exhausting days, that it does eventually start to get easier.

16 month gap here. I found it fine, hard work for a bit but with a good support network and a husband that pulls his weight it was really manageable. They’re 6 & 4 now and it’s a doddle

16 month gap with mine, to be fair it is hard work. Mostly because my second was super difficult, had colic/gas, then diagnosed reflux. He cried for hours daily - his first 3 months are a blur to me, plus he was a terrible sleeper. Waking up hourly, until was 6,5mo. He is now 7 months old and his sleep is slowly improving and We are getting our evenings back. Hate to admit, but there were times when I was thinking WHAT DID WE JUST DO TO OURSELVES. My daughter was much easier and a great sleeper so I guess it was just a shock to us. All babies are different!

Things are getting better now that he can sit upright and is crawling/shuffling, his sister absolutely adores him and they entertain each other. From the domestic point of view, obviously a bit busier since we started weaning and just in general everything takes longer - getting ready for a walk, putting them in the pram, keeping an eye on both now. Wouldn’t change a thing though and super excited for watching them grow together!

Playing skills not learning skills 🤦🏽‍♀️

I have a just turned 2 year old (25 months) and a 3 month old. Whilst it is hard, it's not as bad as I thought it would be and had scared myself in to expecting. I found going from 0 to 1 harder, maybe because it's all such a shock to the system but I had a better idea of what to expect this time.

We have no support network locally but my mum did come and stay with us for a few weeks at the beginning (didn't have this was my first) I know I was very lucky to have her here and that REALLY helped. My eldest is still going to nursery 3 days a week which he needs, when he has his days at home, if we dont go out, there is a lot of book reading or unfortunately a lot of TV watching. My husband is very hands on and does 50% of everything with the kids - this is a must have in my opinion.

Watching my two together is wonderful, my eldest loves his little brother and is so caring towards him. DS1 has such an amazing and gentle temperament, he was a very easy baby too, refused the boob but formula fed very well, was sleeping through by 10 weeks, his only difficulty was that he contact napped till he was 6 months (something I actually cherish now I look back). DS2 has been a very different baby, doesnt sleep well, is still getting up every 2/3 hours, doesn't feed fantastically and had reflux (sorted now), wants to be held to sleep at night as well as contact naps in the day. He is a delight when fed and not tired but hard work the rest of the time.... oh and a giant, he was born weighing 4oz less than his brother but is now much bigger than his brother was at this age. DS1 is on 5th centile for height so in clothes that are a smaller size than his age, DS2 turned 3 months last week and is in 6-9 months grows already, he is already growing out of some of them!! I did have the odd moment at 3 in the morning with DS2 where I though 'what have we done?' But it's getting better and better as he is getting more interactive.

Apologies for the essay but it wasn't as bad as people had made me fear, you can do it! I can already see how great this going to be in 2 years time with my two. Best of luck to you

Congratulations!!
genuinely I found it okay after the first 4 months when the baby grew out of her colic. That was really rough. Dh was working so I would be out walking the streets with dd2 in her pram so dh and dd1 could sleep then come home and he’d leave, dd2 would be settling and dd1 would wake up for the day!
BUT I had an amazing support network around me and always had friends/family to spend time with, mil would take dd1 for a few hours so I could go back home and sleep with dd2 while she was in her more comfortable phase…
Once she’d outgrown the colic it was really quite a good time for me, I wasn’t working when they were tiny, I was very young and pretty carefree and independent, would take them out on the train somewhere new (mainly for my benefit and dd1 really), visit new parks, meet friends/family for lunch, actually bloody loved those years to be honest.
People did warn me how hard it would be having them so close together (16 months) but genuinely I didn’t find it to be as hard as I do know others had it. They were really chilled as little girls, played so nicely together, dd1 doted on her little sister and was so sweet with her. Taught her how to take her first steps even though she was only just 2 herself, holding her hands and walking backwards while dd2 started tentatively walking forwards…
Of course there must have been moments, aren’t there always, but having dd1 in a really good routine and having a hands on partner (when he got home from work!) were crucial. Meant I could just have a bath on my own, or just go out for a walk or to meet some friends etc and not be permanently in baby land.

I’ve a 17 month age gap and love it. I suspect reading posts above I was lucky. First baby had reflux and was a shitty sleeper and needy baby. Second was the dream child. Albeit I also stopped caring about what books or people said so should be doing, and followed my gut (co sleeping, no routine, little one slept in a double buggy or sling when needed to).

now I’ve two toddlers and it’s chaos, but they also play together, love eachother.

again contrary to others above. I didn’t feel guilt about my eldest missing “me” time, I do feel some worry that my youngest is growing up so quickly, as he basically thinks he’s the same age/stage as his older sister - and they look like twins. But I know that will swing in roundabouts.

its currently expensive for childcare and hard if they are sick. But we’ve limited family support and still manage. And in an ideal world. Would love 3 under 3.5/4!

I have an 11.5 month gap. It’s been very hard but easier now they’re 4 and 5. I found once they were both mobile and talking properly (and especially when out of nappies) it got a lot better.

The first year wasn’t too bad weirdly - luckily DC2 was an Ok sleeper - but then first lockdown happened when they were 18 months and 2.5 and dear god it was awful, trying to balance them and both of us WFH. Hideous.

I have to say the bond they have now is wonderful to see. They’re literally best buddies and DD is really protective of DS (who is older) and recently diagnosed with ASD. Was watching a video of them from last year lying on the sofa singing ‘you are my sunshine’ to each other :)

You will cope OP, it will be intense but I think there are many benefits to having them close together. Enlist all the support you can and my other tip would be try your best to make time for you and your DP, despite the chaos/ tiredness - we have failed miserably on this for the last year or so and it’s taken a toll on our marriage!

My youngest two are 13 months apart so I had three children under the age of 4, in an area where children didn’t start school until after their 5th birthday - and no free nursery places at the time!

I managed as a SAHM with a husband who worked away for two weeks each month! I had to be very organised and got all three to nap at the same time each afternoon so I could do the washing and get tea ready. All of them were good sleepers, in their cots in own rooms from about 6 weeks old, only one or two night feeds. I used to bulk freeze sandwiches and snacks so I could breast feed baby and supervise toddler eating finger food in high chair while older child ate at kitchen table. I have no recollection of what or when I and my husband ate!

I used a fantastic silver cross pram to get around, baby inside, toddler on seat on top and four year old sitting in the shopping trolly when he got tired! I used a VW Campervan as my car so could get my pram in without folding it up using straps to secure it! I managed to buy an amazing Mamas and Papas double buggy second hand which had just one seat with two straps which converted into a very comfortable play pen/cot for the baby while we were at toddler group.

I even moved house over 200 miles away when the baby was five months old and somehow managed to cope when he caught meningitis and spent three weeks in isolation in intensive care - my mum drove over 100 miles to live in our house with the other children while I stayed in hospital, she even unpacked all our boxes before we came out!

I guess what I am saying is that you will manage, somehow! Plan ahead, be organised and find out ways to cope, it does not matter if the house is messy or if you only eat junk food, it will only be for a few months! My youngest two are now best friends, almost like twins, and remain very close as adults.

On the other hand, I have almost no memories of that first year!