Views on making kids stick with activities

[Notjusta]

DS 10 (yr6) has been doing a marshal art for about 3 years. He's progressed through the belts fairly regularly and is now nearing the end of the junior age belt colours. He goes twice a week at the recommendation of the class leader (I pay the same monthly fee regardless so it's not a money making thing).

Up until a couple of months he's enjoyed it and we only had the occasional grumble about going. But towards the end of last year he started saying he wanted to quit. He says it's boring and not fun. He was hoping I'd agree he could not go back after the Christmas break. So far I have insisted that he does. This evening was the first class back and it has been a battle to get him to go and he's been in tears over it which is pretty rare for him.

Obviously I've talked about the effort he's put in so far and how you can get a lot out of something by sticking at it etc. Also, frankly he needs the exercise. But equally I don't want to fight with him twice a week over it and I am not sure I really want to force him to do something he doesn't enjoy.

Interested in views on whether you should make kids stick at stuff or if it's just not worth the hassle?

Hm. Tricky. Sometimes activities do just run their course.
Can you ask him to research and suggest an alternative?
Is there a variation he can try?
Can you ask him to drop down to weekly, perhaps till Easter then make a final decision?

I would ask what the alternative will be and if that is okay with you? I don't think it's worth forcing something but in my house the alternative would be an evening in so tv and tablets which I wouldn't want to replace a health related activity for! I also think this time of year is hard - difficult for us to have the motivation to get up and out but we expect it of the kids! Having said that it is definitely better for one of mine to be 'forced' to go to his activity at times as he is so much happier afterwards! So is he juts wobbling because its January??

If he needs the exercise, how about getting him to research other sports activities locally he would like to try and getting him to go to a trial session? If he finds something else he can do, he would then be allowed to drop the martial arts class. Obviously depends on funds and availability but he's old enough to understand that, I think.

I worry that they will be scared to try anything new for fear they'll be stuck doing it forever.

I think it's always a shame when they give up on something but he has given it 3 years which seems a fair go. If he is sure then I wouldn't make him continue but would encourage him to choose a new activity to try.

I agree with asking him what he’s proposing to do instead (ie not just screen). Also agree that this time of year it’s very tempting to hibernate at home.

I’d ask him to give it the rest of the term (especially as you’ve presumably signed up for a term?? Or is it on a rolling basis) and see how he feels in March. Might be completely different by then.

Generally I ask mine to see the term out - unless there is something going on like a nasty teacher.

If he really isn't enjoying it what's the point in making him go?
Are you still doing the same hobbies you did as a child? Everyone changes over time. Let him try something else. At 10 he is old enough to know what he likes to do in his free time.

I’d get him to choose a different sport to try instead. Or something like scouts which isn’t screen based.

You wouldn't stick at a job that made you unhappy and you found boring even if you'd been there three years would you?
What you would do is find a new one that would use and build on your transferable skills.

Do the same for him. Try rugby, it's sociable, training generally once a week and matches on Sundays.

I only say the above as a mother who massively regrets encouraging her DD to continue dance as she'd been going for many years and went several times a week sometimes she loved it but others she wouldn't want to go. She swapped to swimming for a while but after Covid decided she wanted a less isolating sport so (I'd learnt my lesson this time) we looked at what was nearby and what she wanted out of a hobby and picked the sport we though ticked those boxes she switched to Rugby and its been brilliant for her.

I think, leave it and let him find another sport that he's interested in. The whole point about being a kid, surely, is that there is so much stuff to try out - I can't see any good reason to be obligated to the first thing you landed on?

Ah thanks all, some really helpful suggestions here. He already does two other team sports - one just in an after school club and one on the weekend. Scouts is a potential option too so I'll look into that. I have said if he give it up he needs to find something else to replace it.

My instinct is always to let them quit stuff when they've had enough, but I was allowed to do this as a child and sometimes I wonder if I would have benefited from being encouraged to push through times when I wasn't motivated.

I'm going to see how the next couple of weeks go before making a final decision.

Nah I would never force my child into anything they didn’t want to do. He’s at an age where he knows whether he likes something or not - you cannot make him enjoy it if he doesn’t