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Constantly asking why - how do you respond?

14 replies

Kindofcrunchy · 09/01/2023 17:25

As the title says. My 3yo asks why? about everything, all day, it's driving me up the wall. He's asked why since he turned 2 but it's stepped up a gear now - I'm guessing because his understanding and language skills are better. I'm 39 weeks pregnant, exhausted and stressed and can't cope with constant questioning right now. I know it's a normal part of language development but I'm starting to snap at him when I've repeated myself or answered the question over and over and I feel like a terrible mum. What do you say and when did your little grow out of this?

OP posts:
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Awrite · 09/01/2023 17:27

'Why do you have think ....?' in a nice tone.

LittleBearPad · 09/01/2023 17:28

At 39 weeks pregnant put the TV on!

At least after the third why

Or send him to ask DH!

Awrite · 09/01/2023 17:28

Sorry, 'Why do you think...?'

Stupid phone.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2023 17:29

“What do you think?” Leads to fascinating answers if nothing else!

SeaToSki · 09/01/2023 17:32

i answer properly twice and then…

Thats a good question, lets ask Daddy when he gets home/go ask Daddy

Because the sky is blue

why do you think

I dont know

you tell me

ignore

say you need a wee

did you know the the Burj Khalifa is the tallest building the the world, lets look at a picture of it (sorry for the spelling)

dance party with load music so you can hear anymore whys

nap time

GetOffTheTableMabel · 09/01/2023 17:36

He’s not asking ‘why’ so much but actually he’s asking you to talk to him, explain things, pay attention to him. You’re not wrong - it’s bloody exhausting but it’s easier to summon your patience when you think of it in those terms. If you can’t be arsed to answer the particular question, he’ll probably be pretty easy to redirect as long as you have some sort of chat. He’s trying to commandeer your attention because he can feel his world is about to change.

Username6194 · 09/01/2023 19:35

GetOffTheTableMabel · 09/01/2023 17:36

He’s not asking ‘why’ so much but actually he’s asking you to talk to him, explain things, pay attention to him. You’re not wrong - it’s bloody exhausting but it’s easier to summon your patience when you think of it in those terms. If you can’t be arsed to answer the particular question, he’ll probably be pretty easy to redirect as long as you have some sort of chat. He’s trying to commandeer your attention because he can feel his world is about to change.

That's a bit of a stretch.

Every single child goes through the annoying why stage.

Nothing about OPs post suggests she doesn't give her child enough attention.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 09/01/2023 19:36

I remember telling mine my Crystal ball was broken so I had no idea!

MissyB1 · 09/01/2023 19:37

“Why not?” Was my stock answer!

picklemewalnuts · 09/01/2023 19:38

Magic!

newtb · 09/01/2023 19:40

I used to get "because Y's a crooked letter, and you can't pull it straight". 'D'M was born in 1915 so perhaps it's of its time.
Used to drive me mad!

Newlifestartingatlast · 09/01/2023 19:59

Ok, going against the grain here.
the “why”is not about language development so much as natural curiosity.
curiosity is hugely important for the development of skills, intelligence and its crucial for raising kids that love to learn and see learning as a lifetime skill. This is a massive gift to promote in your child that will help them become interesting people who are interested in others, maximise their potential and ensure flexibility to adapt to changing circumstances as adults.

as an employer I always looked for people who showed curiosity , and confidence (a self reliance type, can do attitude). With that, pretty much everything else can be learnt . As a parent I would always try to answer and actively encourage curiosity by often asking them why do you think , even when they’d not asked me a why. But, hey, I love teaching anyway so loved this stage of childhood. Both kids have grown up to love learning and have generally been able to make the most of their skills and continued growth

I have seen parents shut down a child’s natural sponge like curiosity in a few thoughtless words. Please don’t close down the curiosity. It’ll only take a few times of a child feeling they’re in the wrong for asking “why” to get to a place where they don’t bother asking anymore.

The way is to answer as best you can - or better still, as other people have suggested, turn it into a full chance to explore with a “why do you think, or what do you think”…

if you do have a child who is just exploring how to get your attention or wind you up by repeating “why” in every breath , it’s probably cos you have dismissed it - if you do answer and make it part of a longer conversation, they’ll soon stop using it as a quick attention seeking device given it’ll be turned into a longer lesson 🤣🤣

if you are tired or worn out- park the question. Tell the child they’ve asked a particularly good question and you need time to think…then at a later point when less busy, tired etc , sit down and go back to the question- they’ve maybe lost interest by then but at least you didn’t just shut them up and close them down. Always reward and acknowledge curiosity and don’t dismiss, ignore, etc.

TwoBabas · 28/08/2023 09:20

Loving all the 'ask the same question back to your child' replies. I can only assume this well meaning response is from people who either haven't been through this in a very long time or even at all. It's the kind of advice I would have thought of before having my own young children.
My beautiful, curious-about-the-world three year old daughter just says 'I don't know' if you repeat the question back to her. Every.single.time. 'I don't know' before asking me again on repeat. And of course, that makes sense if you think about it doesn't it. She doesn't know, that's why she is asking me the why question in the first place.
Being in the thick of it my two pence is that sometimes it's genuine curiosity, sometimes it's wanting attention and sometimes it's boredom. She also seems to feel quiet pleased with herself if she sees me or her dad getting exhausted and exasperated with the barrage of constant whys. So just putting it out there that it can also be a bit of a behaviour thing. Don't shoot the messenger.
I understand the advice 'don't squash your child's natural curiosity' and whilst I agree completely, having your buttons pressed from dawn till dusk and not having a second of personal breathing space is extremely challenging. We are human after all. I wouldn't shame or guilt trip any parent who occasionally resorts to 'just because' or 'stop with the whys for a moment please I've already told you over and over again' Completely normal response to a sometimes very stressful situation. Not condoning anything just understanding it. It is so so hard. It makes you feel like a horrible parent not being able to sustain the robotic like perfect demeanour of a picture postcard perfect parent. I encourage my children to explore the world, talk to them all day long, explore different ideas and concepts, answer all the questions I can. Love them endlessly and will do my best for them forever. But ask me why one too many times on repeat ignoring the answer and I might just snap eventually. Sorry.

Lilly11a · 28/08/2023 09:22

I used to say "Z" in answer and then I'd get "ah mum!" 😄

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