My husband is mean

[MamaJubba]

I’ve just had a major row with my husband. He never spends time with our two children or take them anywhere. Our youngest son is in trouble a lot at school and they have a poor relationship. DH regularly calls the 12 Yr old a waste of space and that he has given up on him a long time ago. He is heartless, shows zero emphatic and clearly has no idea how to parent. He tells my younger son every day that he will amount to nothing and taunts me about how my son will never treat me well. Youngest DS does have issues but a lot of it stems from needing attention. His father never sits and plays with him or take him to the movies. He is constantly questioning why his father dislikes him so much. It’s upsetting often leading to angry outbursts. He is a bright boy but he is losing his self confidence.m day by day . I’ve booked an appointment to get my son assessed so he had the right support. I feel broken hearted and just want to leave him to protect my boys..

Well done for saying that, it isn’t easy. But talking of inter generational trauma, this is what will break the pattern. From my own experiences, some parents can be decent to absolutely everyone but for some reason will pick on one of their children (scapegoating). It happened to me in a more covert, insidious way. There’s no excuse for it and it has never stopped - my sibling and their spouse have taken on that role as adults. I’m in my 40s and am only just getting away from it.

At least you have the compassion and intelligence to see it and can call it out.

By staying with this man, you are telling your child that you are ok with the abuse. Put your child first and remove the abuser.
Otherwise your child will work it out for himself and hate you for not taking action to protect you.
I went through this exact situation as a child so I know what I'm talking about.