Does being a WFH mum work for anyone?

[fancyaflatwhite]

I'm finding being a WFH mum really hard - is anyone else?

My hours are meant to be 9-5, Monday - Thursday but I'm struggling to fit everything in. There are hours of zoom calls through the week. I like them in terms of having human contact - but I feel very self-conscious and on display.

I feel isolated and cut off in my home - and responsible for the kids 24/7 while trying to hold down a senior role.

My kids don't want to do after-school clubs and I feel guilty for not being there to pick them up and having work to finish off - and not being ready to make a proper home-cooked meal when they get in. I'm just not that organised kind of person who does batch cooking and freezing.

DD10 has a cold again, and I know I'll be trying to work while keep an eye on her tomorrow and through this week.

Just feel like I'm failing at everything and really lonely and sad atm.

It would be so much worse if I had to go into an office tbh

In what way do you attribute it to being a WFH issue? I can relate to some of the things you say, but ultimately if I worked in an office all week then my problems would be worse rather than better 🤷‍♀️

I WFH full time and have an 8 yo, been working FT since she was 9months old, WFH since she was about 3yo.

I like it, but I have complete flexibility over my hours so can do drop off and pick up then catch up in the evenings if I want. I can go into the office if I fancy it or if I have a meeting, and I never put the camera on when I do Teams calls.

It's hard OP. I'm a lone parent (you don't mention whether you have a partner or not?) and I struggle with being at home. I see piles of washing that need to be done and there's always cleaning I need to do which I have to work hard to ignore during work hours. It also costs a lot in heating when working in an office doesn't. Equally, I know it would be a lot harder if I worked in an office. If my son is unwell I am able to work as much as I can whilst he sleeps and make up the hours at home when he's sleeping instead of taking leave. I feel like my work days are shorter as I have no commute. I can work in my pyjamas if I have a day without meetings! If you know you're going to be working from home long term and this isn't likely to change, I would try and focus on the positive bits as you'll just end up resenting your job otherwise.

I have to agree, it's worse if you have to be in an outside workplace - you have to take time off if your kids are sick. You have to travel so finish at 5 but back later. My DC are in after-school club every day. They dont really like it but there's no alternative. Most working parents aren't able to start the dinner until later in the evening.

Batch cook. It really helps.
I put the washing in the machine/dryer or load/empty the dishwasher in between tasks/ meetings.
I had a quick bite to eat then cleaned the bathroom on one of my lunch breaks. Doing what I can during the days frees up time for when I do have my child to spend quality time. Fortunately my child loves breakfast and after school club because it is at the school and has been going for a few years now.
The guilt is real, but wfh can be really useful if you can make it that way. I do need to travel with my job too, but try to limit to 3 days a week at the most and I rarely travel during rush hr if I can help it.
Wfh is a game changer

WFH has changed my life. I don't need to use after school care to the same extent which alleviates my guilt and gives the kids more down time. I'm saving time not travelling. I use my lunch break to get out and do some exercise. I don't fall into the trap of doing anything house related. I'm not a morning person so love we can roll out last minute!

Honestly I can't relate at all, WFH has made my life immeasurably better.

Are you a single parent op?
Also, I imagine adding commute to the office and having to launder and iron smart clothes for work would add a few more hours to your week.
Why do you feel on display on teams meetings ? You can blur your background or use a stock one and even add a smoothing filter to your face if you wish 😬

WFH changed my life for the better and allowed me to progress my career. I currently work hybrid and I'm happy to get back into the office tomorrow, but I'll be looking forward to staying home later in the week as well.

Do you get out at all? Take a walk during your lunch break? Work in your local library or cafe for a change of scene? Is your home working space calming and orderly, or are you perched on a chair in a junk room or using the lounge?

I hear you on the guilt about wraparound care, but your work keeps the family ticking over, and you need childcare. That's most people's reality. I have a bit of flexibility on my days at home and collect my youngest on a Friday afternoon instead of sending them to club, but the rest of the time we depend on it.

I love it but mine are older now. Only been doing wfh for 6 months and it’s lovely. I do have mandatory office days but 3 days a week I’m home, Sundays are great because I have no commute on a Monday (or Tuesday or Wednesday) and I can have a slightly later start.
I do find that I’m either working or doing housework though, ie at lunchtime I tend to whizz round the house cleaning/tidying and it can feel like I never have a break but to get around this I tend to either book myself a class at the gym or go for a walk so I’m not permanently doing some kind of work.
if your dd just has a cold do they really need to stay off school tomorrow?

Could you work your hours over 5 shorter days? So 9 until 3 Monday to Friday? Then you wouldn't need to feel guilty about juggling everything after school pick up.
Otherwise I think you need to get the kids into some kind of childcare or after school clubs.
And if it's just a cold, child should be fine for school
Do you have anyone who helps or is it all on you?

I wfh in a full time role. DC are required to attend after school care/activities until my work day ends because otherwise they'd be home mid-afternoon wanting food and my attention, causing stress and guilt just as you describe. So although you say your DC don't want to do after school clubs I think the answer needs to be that they have to.

I really do sympathise with your complaints about constant zoom calls and being on display. It's really not natural! I would highly recommend just turning off your camera once in a while and using wireless earbuds for the call so you have your hands and body free to move around and multitask...

Do you have a partner? How are they sharing the load?

I used to WFH 9-5 when only my eldest was at school and my youngest was at nursery. I changed hours when both children were at school as it was just too stressful trying to do too much (my husband is often abroad so couldn't reliably do school runs etc)

I now only work school hours aa it works better for the family. My husband has a job with a flexi system so he works shit loads over term time so he does most of the holiday care.

Currently on Mat leave. Technically work hybrid as in the office Monday but love wfh. I have time to walk kids to school and be back and at my desk for 9am start. By not having to leave the house for work I have more time to do a few jobs round the house, don’t have to pick a bag etc. there is no wasted time on a commute.

One habit that I think helps if lots of zoom meetings is to take some time to think / decompress. Could be a quick walk if needed, a cuppa away from my work station, or just noting down some thoughts.

I'm a bit confused as to how you think it is more difficult working from home ?

I've done quite a lot of hours wfh, for years before COVID, and love the extra time it gives me (no commute) and the flexibility it gives me (re start and finish times and taking a break in the day or not), and the fact I don't have 'trapped time' in the day when I can't do anything useful, but I have been able to hang out a wash or put the dinner on or empty my own dishwasher rather than the one in the staffroom whilst waiting for the kettle. Plus, being there to take in my parcels, or once a year when the boiler needs servicing or piano tuning or whatever rather than having to take time off for those sorts of things.

The roll out of Zoom, Teams etc during COVID has made life even better. Even fewer meetings I know need to cross the City to go to, but still able to "see" people for a chat when needed. Meetings are shorter. Training is shorter.

I find being a ‘WFH mum’ soooo much easier than going into an office and it gives me a great work life balance…however, why do you say you responsible for the kids 24/7? Mine are very little now but I still send them to nursery and after school club and take leave or send oldest to holiday camps during school hols. It is useful for the odd sick from school day, but we would take leave if they were off school for say, a week.

I think wfh is easier on getting stuff done
I'm prepared with meals, housework in screen breaks and no commute to work

But for my mental health it's the being stuck at home and when you finish work feeling

So for me it's important to create a work space
As if you are in the office X

It works well for me, I have an ASD child aged 15 who needs micro managing, if I weren’t home he would not leave the house for school, I am there when he gets home. I am widowed so have no choice I need to work and WFH is the only solution even though it’s rubbish pay.

I wonder if all the parenting/ house work is being left for the parent at home making it harder? That would make it a lot more difficult then being in the office with things shared 50-50 (although many of the mums I know do 100% of it wherever they work)

Wouldn’t it be much worse if you were commuting and in the office?

My dd is a teenager now and I have wfh her entire life. You have to treat it like an office job and use child care. You have to treat going into your office at home as basically the same as going into your office at work. Yes, you have more flexibility and that is invaluable, but you can’t really pretend that you are going to be available during working hours.

i do the school run and go back to work because dd is truly old enough to manage on her own. when she wasn’t, she had to attend aftercare even though it wasn’t her favorite.

the odd day home with a sick child while you also work should be the same as the odd day wfh with a sick child if you were normally in the office. You won’t get quite as much done, but it is a special circumstance and you can work late later in the week and catch up.

You've got loads of separate issues here, that you don't seem to be addressing individually.

Why are you not organised food wise/cooking a meal. Kids may not want to go to after school club, but they may have to. You have about 3 different work issues: tts constant teams, feeling cut off. Self conscious and on display is a separate issue.

Isolation is very tough, I don't think people even realise how isolating wfh is themselves. Its noce to havw a laugh in the office and random chat with a stranger. Could you go in a couple of times a week to break up the week a but and have some variety?

This is why I love working in my office! I got so demotivated WFH after a few months; there was no difference in the days, they all just blended into one.

I always felt I 'should' be doing something between emails, sticking a washing on or a bit of hoovering or whatever. God it was dullsville.

I am much happier getting up and putting something nice on, and getting to the office for a nice coffee and a good chat with my work friends.

I can relate to the isolation. It’s quite lonely. It benefits my family in terms of not having to use childcare etc. Very few things are going to be perfect if you want to work and have a family.