Do babies really get easier after 1 year?

[Helena1993]

I have a 8 month old and while she is getting easier in most ways (sleeping better, weaning isn't too bad and a little more fun because mobility is slowly increasing) I wonder if I may ever enjoy motherhood. Babies are just plain boring to me...

If you think it gets easier. Why?
If you think it gets harder. Why?

It gets way harder at 1yr old! I find 1-2 is so difficult as they are in at everything and a total danger to themselves.

However, I much prefer it when they can talk. It gets so much more fun! Both of mine were early talkers, cld talk in sentences around 20 months old. Makes life a lot easier too if u understand what they want/need.

I think it gets much harder when they become toddlers/preeschoolers, and I'm not saying that as a mum to unicorn children - my second was apparently (according to what most people in here would consider) a high needs baby ( average to me), but slept badly and had colic, long cluster feeds etc. Despite that, is was for me, an absolute doddle compared to what came next.

How toddlers are easier:

• then getting ill is slightly less scary
• when is your first, at least you are a more experienced parent
• you can more easily pay for some child free hours (in theory anyway)

How toddlers are harder:

• they (mine) slept worse at night as toddlers, so surviving on less sleep
• toddler bedtime took longer than baby bedtime, so my evening went
• less naps = less 'me time' or chores time. Less chance of catching up on missed sleep when they drop their nap
• even less chance of catching up on missed sleep as back at work
• when toddler is awake, even having a conversation can be difficult for to constant interruptions, requests for play, and stopping them killing themselves. The worst a baby would do is cry 🤷‍♀️
• things like going out for a coffee with friends becomes a distant memory as you follow your toddler round sorry play instead, trying to catch snippets of conversation as you briefly pass eachother instead.
• tantrums.
• the unreasonableness. With a baby, there are only so many reasons they can cryb(including just feeling like it), but you can use a prizes of elimination. At least it's not likely to be something irrational, unfixable and breaking the laws of physics, which a toddler might have a tantrum about. I'm sorry, I can't make this triangle have 6 sides...
• the milk only stage is great. No meal planning, no cooking. It's not like they even rest that much less frequently later on, once you factor in snacks, but your just have to be prepare it.
• the physicality of it. My toddlers liked to be carried just as much as my baby, but we're a lot heavier obviously. Then they jump on you etc.
• if you need to calm down when you've got a baby, and take 5 minutes, you put then somewhere date and can do so. With a toddler, they just follow you.

I loved having toddlers, they were great fun. But in terms of relative effort, comparing newborn to toddler is like comparing a pot plant to a dog to me.

I think there are more positive things about toddlers. They feed themselves for instance. Show affection more directly. They can eat your food. I hate bottles. I know toddlers make a big mess. But my baby already does that. And she just vomits everywhere still (only with milk)

Sorry OP. Easier & harder, til forever I think. Stock up on Gin

I think there is easier and harder bits at each stage op and it is also different child to child you will get there

Also to add I think the people who have easy baby's find the toddler a shock as the mums who were able to have newborn cuddles and watch Netflix I can see why that seeks harder but the mums that have had unsettled babies who cry a lot and you often can't see the reason why they I think toddler stage is easier
That's what I found with my first anyway x

@Babyboomtastic

That's so interesting as no offence but I can't relate to most of that list. So @Helena1993 just bear in mind and wrap it up/sum it up that it really does depends!

@Babyboomtastic again I totally am the opposite as for me it for sooo much easier !

But as I say I'm the minority I believe but you can't really go on here as you can see the opinions are so so different

X

I had one of these - he’s now 18 and utterly delightful!! Tbh I found the first year with him really really hard. It improved when I went back to work and when he finally slept a bit better.

My littlest just turned 2 and it's got slightly easier recently.

From 1-2 I couldn't take my eyes off him for a second, he is super-agile and strong (a climber) but with zero sense of self-preservation so I had no choice but to follow him around on high alert every moment. Trying to strap him into a buggy or high chair was basically impossible as he hated being confined!

Around my birthday there was a memorable time when I got invited out for a coffee by a friend whose kids are grown... Her jaw was on the floor at my life - we couldn't exchange a word at the cafe, had to drink the coffee scalding and take the cake to go, just gave up and left after 10 mins as it was so unrelaxing (cafe welcomed kids but was absolutely full of things that he'd have fallen off/broken/choked on).

He was a chill baby so I spent that year looking back with dreamy nostalgia on the cute baby phase!

BUT now he's 2 he's got a lot more sense suddenly - he's more verbal so I can say "not on the table, what if you bump your head?" and he puts his hand on his head to say 'ow' and then he gets himself down...

I'm not so worried about choking on tiny things, he's playing with toys like picking up the monkey and saying "oo-oo" instead of sticking it straight in his mouth.

I feel like I can take my eyes off him, basically, which is good for my adrenals!! :)

He's loads of fun and very beautiful, really an absolute godsend of a child. I have no regrets at all and am so excited about being his mum for the rest of our lives <3 But yeah, not "easy".

I found it got harder at 12 months as they are more mobile and require much more stimulation, sorry 😔

You haven't had one yet though...

There are definitely great things about toddlers. The cuddles, them wandering over amd flinging themselves into your arms. Its genuinely lovely. Something can be lovely, and regarding, whilst also being incredibly hard.

Mess is on a different scale with toddlers. Food mess decreases, but often the mess is deliberate, which is more frustrating. Other less increases.

Sorting out the milk for 24hrs took approx 5 minutes - I'd hate to think how long 3 x meals + 2x snacks would take to prepare, but its longer than 5 minutes.

Everyone finds some ages easier/harder than others. Maybe you'll find toddlers easier, who knows. For me personally, at 3+5, I'm yet to feel as genuinely rested as I did for the first 6 months is my first baby.

Eh it's okay. I know I've ruined my life. I have really bad depression

Christ yes. I found year one absolutely hellish. Exhausting, dull, generally unrewarding. I loathed it. Every year since has been better and better, and easier and easier. Although DD is only 5 so I’m sure I have plenty of challenges to come. All easier with a decent amount of sleep though!

@Helena1993 I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I was the same and it was agony. Please take what people say here with a pinch of salt. People forget how relentless the baby months are and remember the nice bits – if that didn’t happen, nobody would ever consider having more than one baby! – but honestly, in my experience nothing is harder than that.

Have you sought any help for possible PND? It is incredibly effective.

Do you do anything just for you, OP? Even if it's the odd walk or swim, going out for coffee etc? I think having a break from a baby can make a big difference!

There's kind of an end of honeymoon bit with a baby where you go, ok I'm getting through newborn stage, I'm getting through weaning stage - oh no does this shit actually go on forever? But remember each bit ends, and a new bit begins that will be hard in some ways and delightful in others.

Good things about bigger babies/toddlers
Genuine interaction and they begin to have their own ideas about things
Watching a child learn language is a delight
You can get childcare and babysitting for them more easily
They are less whingy (usually) as they're more mobile
Better sleep
Less fragile and more robust with illness etc
More things you can take them to
More independence - can sit back at playgroups and playgrounds and keep an eye instead of having to be with them the whole time

Bad things about bigger babies/toddlers
Tantrums
Breaking stuff and putting things in their mouths
Not letting you rest much when they're learning to walk
Sudden weird food preferences

I found it helped to read some books about child development and understand why they act like they do. It's also good to go out and look at other kids and think that will be yours in a blink of an eye - what will your child be like at 1, 2, 3, 10?

I have a 6yo and a 3.5yo, they bring their own challenges (6yo just decided she wasn't going to ever wear school uniform again and needed a lot of coaxing to get out of the house, eg) but equally they play a lot more independently now and I can go out more, sit and read etc. I'm sure when they're teens then today's problems will seem quaint and easily solved compared to cyberbullying etc. You just have to take it as it comes.

Are you getting help for depression? Are you getting good food, just about enough sleep, some exercise and time in green places etc?

I started therapy. I'm so tired and depressed all day that I don't have the energy to make healthy food for myself.
I've seen a 1 year old child and he was very different and a lot more mobile and clingy.
I'm dreading the mobility because I live in a 2 room flat and nothing is baby proofed and it's hardly impossible to do so for many reasons that I can't explain in detail here.

Sorry to say but I've found its got harder (she's now 2.5yrs). But - she's certainly not boring. We can have little conversations and play and she's so funny, but she's also much harder work as a toddler than she ever was a baby (especially before she could walk, want to do things independently, have opinions, refuse things etc).

I've heard lots of people say that we are not all cut out for every stage of parenting / not all going to enjoy every stage. The toddler stage isn't my favourite and I'm really looking forward to those early school years. Maybe the baby stage isn't the one for you and you'll love the toddler stage...

I was miserable when my baby was 8 months old. Really, really miserable. Going back to work helped massively. Are you planning on going back? I know the cost can sometimes be prohibitive but I would work out a way that you can do at least a few days out of the house.

Mine is 14 months now and it’s easier. Certain things are harder, they’re very mobile and our house is old and not at all baby proof so constantly following them round and constantly watching them. They feed themselves now, there’s a lot less mess. They are trying to communicate more and they struggle sometimes so there’s tantrums but their personality is coming through so much and they are so funny.

Towards the end of Christmas break felt hard again because we’d kept them home from nursery. This weekend was a lot better because they’d been to nursery and I’d had a break. My biggest issue at the minute is the state of my house, I don’t think I’ve been on top of anything since I went back to work. Part of the reason my house is a state is because of working and just not having the energy but honestly even with that, I’m so much happier now.

Hmm I would say it just changes.

They become more fun but then there is the phase of having to watch their every move, make sure they don't fall, make sure they don't put things in their mouth, the frustration, the tantrums. Taking them to a cafe became a nightmare from about 1 because they wouldn't sit still.

For me, it got easier aged about 4. Less tantrums, can trust them to a certain extent, they can tell you exactly what they want, they develop a sense of humour and will actually sit in a cafe for more than 2 minutes.

Oh bless you. I said EXACTLY that. I definitely thought I’d ruined my life and frankly did NOT enjoy having a baby.

Now I have three, thankfully easy, teens and I absolutely love my life and parenting them!

I'm sorry to hear that OP, being in a two room flat must be really hard. I hope the therapy helps.

Re healthy eating- could you make sure you drink enough water, have a piece of fruit a day, get some vitamin pills? Small things that don't take much time or money.

Are you on your own without a partner? If so, there might be local single parent groups (I think gingerbread does some?) If you know other people with kids the same age, you can hang out together and it makes a big difference to the monotony.

If not, play groups, library singalongs etc can be free or very cheap and give you a change of scene and tire the baby out a bit. Even if you feel like shit, you can sit there and it's something that's different for that day.

Re babyproofing - are there actual dangers, or just things that will be a pain? Some babies need more proofing than others - not all babies climb or pull things etc, you can see how you go with moving things out of the way once you sort any actual dangers like heavy lamps with a trailing wire she could pull on her head etc.

You should be proud of yourself for getting through this despite depression, it won't always feel this hard. You can get some help, your baby will change, you'll have brighter times ahead. Good luck.

That's very nice of you. I'll try eating a bit more healthy. I can't believe I gained 25kg during pregnancy. I'm so... Fat...
I'll start going to baby groups too.

I hated the baby phase, it was beyond boring, but I fucking LOVE the toddler phase. I think it gets much, much, MUCH easier from about 10 months onwards.

My DS is 3.5 and I honestly haven't found parenting properly difficult for ages.

We lived in a 1 bed flat until he was 13 months old too, and things did get even easier when we upgraded to a 2 bed garden flat, but tbh, I was really enjoying it before that. If anything, I worried less because when the flat was smaller he was always so close he couldn't get into much mischief.

My LO is 13mo and while it's not easier, just different kinds of challenges, it's more enjoyable now. She's great fun and more independent, she's her own little person and not just an extension of me as it felt like when she was a baby. I didn't enjoy babyhood either. But it's fun now. Honestly, going back to work helped me.

6 months to 3 years old....I battled and I mean I BATTLED. 3 to 7....LOVED it. 7+ ....easier in lots of ways but you start to see the real complexities of them as people, it can be emotionally challenging. But by then you have something of a life back so I find it easier than toddlerhood. I think it depends on the parent and on the kid. Each stage is just a phase so hang in there!