How on earth do you stop co-sleeping?

[Schlafen]

I'm at the end of my tether with Ds (17 months) sleep again. Around 14 months we started co sleeping as the only way to settle him was to carry and walk around with him and then put him in the cot hoping he wouldn't wake up. So we put two mattresses in his room and Ds and me have been sleeping there for the last three months or so.

First it worked beautifully. Every night after reading a few stories I switched off the light and laid myself down to sleep. He would roll around and play a bit, cuddle up with me and then fairly quickly go to sleep (after about 10-15min). When he woke up in the night as soon as I patted him or he felt me (or dh) next to him he'd go back to sleep. It was bliss.

For the last couple of weeks it's just not working anymore. After I switch the lights off and lie down he tears around for ages. Tries to get off the mattress, goes to the book shelf and pulls out all the books, keep bashing our heads together and kicking me. It takes longer than an hour for him to fall asleep and more often than not he only falls asleep after I've walked around with him carrying him for about ten minutes and then sat holding him for twenty minutes or so. If he wakes up in the night I need to walk and carry him again. He won't go back to sleep on the mattress. I'm absolutely exhausted. Dreading the bogjts. I can't do this anymore.

I just don't know how to get him back into his cot anymore especially now since he's used to so much space and rolling around. I'm worried that if we put him back in his cot he'll bang his head against the side bars (both by accident and on purpose as he bangs his head sometimes on the floor or the wall out of frustration). I also worry that he'll just he too uncomfortable in his small cot.

We thought of getting him a small toddler bed but how will I stop him from getting out of it when it's time to sleep. And how do I get him to sleep without co sleeping?

I desperately wanted to avoid any fork of crying it out but I just don't see what else we can do at this stage.

Please, please, please what do we do???

I used to sit next to DS and wait for him to fall asleep. He liked having his own bed he could get in and out of (never really slept in his cot). When we moved him to a single there was no space to sit next to so cuddle him to sleep 🙈

Now expecting no.2 I have started leaving DS to fall asleep on his own after stories. I fully admit to creating this rod for my own back. Just need DH to do the same

Can I ask how.old.he was when you got him his own bed?.didn't he try to get up all the time?

I don't mind sitting next to him till he falls asleep or patting him. I just want to fall.asleep.at a decent time and I don't want to walk up and down carrying him anymore every time he wakes up

We took the sides off his cot at around 18 months and then had a mattress on the floor for when he rolled out of bed. We had a night light for the hallway if he got out of bed during the night to come and find us. We used to leave the door open. We just got up if we heard him if he slept through during the night. We would wait until he fell asleep.

We have moved him to a single age 3. He prefers this bed and there is space for one of us to sleep beside him if need be.

I think you'll have to just cold turkey the walking him to sleep. He's too big. Does it help to tell yourself that it's not your job to 'get' or 'make' him sleep. He needs to do that himself. You need to support him to learn how. That means reducing your input step by step.

He would only wake up once during the night to come in with us

You warn the in advance - it’s sleepy time soon, nice bath, story and then put them in their cot. Re-I fit e it’s sleepy time, the whinge a bit, you shush Pat. And then leave and they eventually go to sleep. At that age, you’ll n Ed to go in a few times and say it’s sleepy time - but don’t pick them up.

Nb I didn’t do this with my first and he didn’t sleep through until 3.5, my second two I did and they’re great sleepers. I did it again with my nephew in 2009, when he was 13 months and we cranked it in 3nights.

Cold turkey
explain what’s happening, buy him a nice new toy to take with him
then never go back, make it the new normal

he’ll soon get used to it

fwiw, I hate co sleeping for this reason, it’s like sleeping next to a live salmon with my dd

Feed to sleep, ninja roll away from sleeping toddler, monitor on and off to another room. They wake, go in, feed back to sleep, roll away and go and sleep I other room. Tbh, any more wakings and I stayed with them, both started to wake very little once daytime naps ceased at 3 and a bit. Both dc are now primary aged and sleep a solid 10-11 hours a night, in their own beds.

Get the Ferber sleep training book.

If they are in a bed how do you prevent them from getting up all the time?

You don't. You child proof the room and put a stair gate across the door.

Oh and just put a mattress on the floor. Don't have a proper bed yet.

Sounds like sleep needs have changed if it’s taking an hour to fall asleep. Later bed or reduce naps. Make sure he is tired enough.
I’ve always fed to sleep on a bed and then rolled away - never used a cot. She’s now 2 and if she naps then bedtime is 9-10pm. Without its 8ish.

You do rapid return. This teaches them to say there. When they get up you put them back - no nonsense, no talking other than 'shh it's bedtime'. No fun, no attention. Repeat (up to about 50 times if needed). He will learn.

This is what we did. No amount of patting or shushing would have kept my DD in bed between the ages of about 15-20 months, she just shouted and screamed, but once asleep she didn’t tend to roam around if she did wake up in the night.

So this is just picking them up and putting them back into bed right?

But what stops them then from just getting up and playing or running around for a few more hours inside or outside their room or wherever?

It sounds to me like nap length needs to be reduced, or bedtime a bit later.

I would have a search on YouTube at the Supernanny videos that show the rapid return technique.

We used a toddler cotbed, bigger than a cot but had removable sides. DS was in it until 2.5 or so. But your DC is not far off that.

The problem is that he thinks it's a game, you could make the room boring, high shelves so toys and books etc are out of reach and just a few cuddlies he can get to. Do a bed routine downstairs and take him up a bit late when he's super sleepy (lots of fresh air and exercise help,) then move that time back following the same bedtime routine.

Above all, don't let it be a game - he can get out of bed but not out of his room, say it's night time and he stays in there. If he plays and falls asleep on the floor, that's not the end of the world, just lift him into bed.

My initial thought would be shorter nap or later bedtime.

He's definitely tired. Sometimes I wonder if he's overtired. He usually has a nap between 12.30 and 2pm and then goes to bed around 8pm.

I don't know.. I'm totally confused about whether we should continue co sleeping or if this is a good time to put him in his own bed. The reason why we started co sleeping is because it was easier than walking him but if I have to walk him anyway what's the point?

Could anyone give me a step by step plan on how to proceed from here, ie from co sleeping on the mattress to sleeping in the cot. I don't mind staying in the room till he's asleep.

I'd consulted a sleep consultant but she insists on making him cry it out.