Kids now teens don't want to do stuff as a family at weekends, how to adjust?

[choixduroi]

I have a DS aged 16 and DD aged 13. Divorced and have them one week on, one week off. When they were younger we would do typical outings like hike, museum and hot chocolate, basically always do outings at the weekend. Now they either want to meet friends (more DS) or literally lie on their beds on phones. They are happy in general and do do sports at school etc. I do force my DD to come on a walk round the park which she then quite likes but she resists e.g. a hike. It's a weird adjustment as I feel like I should be doing stuff with them as we used to do, feel so guilty if I pop off to the gym for 2 hours on a Saturday morning, whereas they're only too happy for me to do so! Any MNers also feel the weirdness of this adjustment and any tips? I guess it's part of not having to do so much 'input' type childcare any more, but I find it hard not to feel I'm somehow shirking.

At that age I stopped dragging them out and did stuff that they could come to if they wanted. Like a mooch round the shops and a coffee.

I'm not sure what you mean when you ask "how do I adjust?"

Perhaps you could ask them what they would like to do that you could do together.
Perhaps you could suggest they invite friends to your house, or on an outing with you.
Perhaps you could talk to them - tell them you'd like a couple of hours each weekend when you do stuff together and then they're free to do what they want.

In reality, children grow up and their parents stop being the focus of their lives - you've known this since before they were born, so should have been prepared for this stage of their lives.
If it helps, they do come back to you in the end usually when they need money when they realise you aren't the fuddy duddy they thought you were and you're actually quite good company and will happily pay for stuff.

Thanks. Yeah I know it's normal and tried to be prepared, it's just hard sometimes to realise how grown up they've become and a kind of mourning for their childhoods (also prob. wrapped up in separating from their dad and not having that proper 'family' feeling as a result).

Instead of mourning their childhoods you could try embracing the adolescents and young adults they are growing into and adapt your ideas to suit.

I can relate! My son doesn’t even want to come with me to the football anymore, he’d rather go with his mates.

I pretend to play patience with my deck of cards and this usually results in one or both of my sons wanting to play gin rummy with me. My youngest loves music so we go to gigs together and my eldest likes comedy and films so we go to the cinema and live comedy. I can usually persuade them both to do escape rooms or board game cafes. It takes a bit more planning on my part to find gigs and shows we will both like and it’s not something we can do every month either.

If you want to spend time with them you need to do what they want to do, join in with them rather than having them join in with you.

But also, enjoy your freedom. Go to the gym/meet a friend/take up a new hobby. Embrace this new chapter.