Suspect aspergers in 10 year old daughter (and now myself!) - need all the advice I can get

[aspies]

Hi,

I suspect my 10 year old daughter has Asperger's, albeit high-functioning. Many signs have been there over the years, and I even remember the arm-flapping/stimming at 2-3 years old that I've since seen mentioned. It's really come to a head the last 12 months, as I feel the gap between neurotypical peers and her is becoming larger. I'm concerned for high school and the teen years and beyond.

Friends her age have excellent conversational skills, she has none. She is needing more and more time alone in her room. She is slowly but surely abandoning extracurricular activities, and where she was once in the top half of her class, (probably sitting at just above average), she has now fallen to the bottom, although she is still meeting the expected standard. Getting her to do any work at home is an uphill battle, and she would happily spend her whole life tapping on the iPad if we allowed it. I can see that she is disengaging from life outside of school. When age 16/18/21 comes I can see things falling apart for her. She does have a group of friends and she does continue to be invited to parties. However, general playdates are very few and far between. When I have hosted playdates here, I don't feel she gives much back in terms of connection/friendship.

The other day her friend was on face time and said she was going to go, but instead of saying 'no problem, see you Monday, bye' , she just switched the ipad off and I had to explain that its appropriate to share a nicety, and at least say goodbye. I'm been trying to coach her like this for years but she doesn't retain any of it and makes no progress. I hate that it comes across to family members, and other parents that she is rude. I find the bluntness, lack of communication and lack of niceties within the family home hard to deal with myself.

Where do I start? What help is out there? What is the most active Asperger's forum in the UK? She is selectively mute (not at school, so they don't think there is a problem). Is there any kind of coaching or therapy I can get for her to help her communicate? To help her learn conversational skills?

I just really need all the help I can get, so any advice from mums who are past this first initial stage of realisation. I've had my 'aha!' moment and now need so much help!

Thank you :)

Yes sorry dyslexic here. Problem with appeals is that you need to be in a appeal window which is only two weeks after you get a new final ehcp. It's never easy peasy. Mine is a truly shite LA

You really need to focus on getting an assessment as soon as possible. Things can change very dramatically, and negatively, in a short space of time with school refusal etc. There is also an issue with some older teens refusing to engage in assessment/diagnosis. In my experience at this point in time there are very few drawbacks to getting a diagnosis. Above all else, if your daughter is diagnosed she will begin a journey to understand herself better.

If you have the money do consider going somewhere like the Lorna Wing Centre where they specialise in women and girls with ASD. There are other female-orientated diagnostic and other services around the country - perhaps if you said which county you are in people may have suggestions.

Meanwhile do as much research as you can... and let go of descriptions like 'high functioning' etc. as they really aren't very helpful.

That isn’t correct. The deadline for appealing is 2 months from the date on the decision letter or 1 month from the date of the mediation certificate, whichever is later. The statutory window for appealing is the same whatever LA you live in.

I didn’t say it was easy. In fact, I said you often have to fight, but it is possible and parents shouldn’t be pu5 off because you often have to fight.

Manchester / Cheshire