I feel like such a bad mother..

[leedslassy]

over the last few months my dh and I have been having problems (although we never show it in front of the children) and we are trying to sell a business which is very stressful but I just feel like a bad mother as my temper is soooo short.

I shout and bawl and sometimes screaam at the kids through frustration and it's like watching someone else. I know not to and I feel so sorry for my beautiful children but its not until after that I feel awful.

It's so hard trying to act "normally" in front of children when I have so much stress going on and I just want to run away and hide.

I love them with all my heart and wouldn't be without them but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I need some time on my own.

Poor you. You sound like your stress is overtaking you, could a trip to the GP be of use? They may be able to offer you something to feel a bit calmer, more in control? Maybe if you wrote down how you feel, and take it to show the dr, it may help? That way you won't leave anything out.
A bit of medication may help keep the edge off your pressure? It's not failure, its a way of coping.
Good luck.

Thanks but thought I was coping ok. I have been referred on and off over the last couple of years to be honest and been on and off mood regulators and speaking to people - it helps so long then I feel as though I'm getting nothing out of it.

My ppor poor children - I don't want them to grow up remembering me being a screaming banshee.

maybe they are all better off without me for a while. I could quite easily get into my car and just drive to where no-one knows me and just be on my own for a bit.

.

oh, leedslassy, i am sorry to hear how you're feeling. i am sure you are being a great mum - and while the shouting momements loom large in your head, i know there will be loads more times in the day when you're your usual loving self with them. i do think you need to see the the doctor againtho' as it seems like you're on the slippery slope downwards and you need to change direction. x

is there any way you can drop the 'non-essentials' in your life like PTA and anything else voluntary to free up some time and lessen the burden? It does sound like you have a lot on your plate atm

Yes I do Tamdin and have dropped quite a bit of it already.
Its made worse by the fact I work full time I drop them off at school and childminder then go to work. I finish at 5.30 and find that I "lose it" a lot in the evening when is when I should be having my quality time with them when I haven't seen them all day. I find myself getting annoyed about the slightest thing e.g them splashing me in the bath, shouting too loudly at each other, not getting dressed/undressed quickly enough - absolute crazy things.

I feel like I'm losing my head.

leedslady, sorry - just to clarify when i said slippery slope downwards, i meant that you sound like you're getting quite depressed, not being a bad mum.

you seem to have a lot on your plate. how much help is DH during the evening?

try not to be too hard on yourself. As long as it doesn't go on for a long period of time (ie years) I don't imagine your children will remember too much. Do you feel angry? if yes what would you say deep down is the route of the anger?

leedslady

I just wanted you to know, that I am in exactly the same situation as you. I love my children to bits, but everything they do, seems to make me shout at them. I often find myself swearing at them, or saying nasty things that I shouldn't even say to a grown up, let alone two young kids. Such minor things as putting gloves on wrongly, or shoes on wrong feet, or slobbenly eating habits can send me into mental overdrive.

I cant give you any good advice, as I dont have any for myself, however I just wanted you to know, I know exactly how you feel.

Stay Strong, and remember, as bad as it feels, at least your shouting and not hitting them.

x