Preschool Worries

[diggerface]

I need to vent my worries and ask fellow Mumsnetters for some good old advice to pull my head out of my arse.

DD is 4. Only child. I'm aware I'm sensitive to how sensitive she can be & I do have anxiety especially surrounding her etc just to give some background..

I have tried to bring her up to be confident, complimenting her, etc. she can be a really ballsy confident kid then very shy & unwillingly in certain situations. I'm sure she's not alone in this!

She goes to 2 preschools 4 days of the week. One she loves, the other she's never really happy about going, but will go. Her communication is brilliant & when I've asked her what the issue is, there seems to be one other girl causing her issues. Not being nice, not sharing, etc.

I've let the PS know & they've been very good & keeping an eye. They said yesterday both kids were playing together ok but this can change.

As she went off to PS this morning I said to her, 'Try & have a good day. If X isn't being nice, just leave her be/tell a teacher'.

I now wonder if I'm almost saying too much, making an issue out of the issue which I don't want to do. Obviously I want her to be happy & know that in life you are going to meet people you don't see eye to eye with. I suppose I just want it to be like water off a duck's back to her but I feel she's going to be a sensitive little soul. I suppose I also worry about her making friends because, we'll just because I worry all the time 🫠

Is there any advice you would give having been in this situation. I appreciate 4 is an early age to have solid friendships. I just wonder if there is any other advice I can give DD with regards to friendships or when someone upsets her.

Thank you for listening ☺️

Im not a parent but I am a teacher of 6 year olds so hopefully my perspective helps… you did the right thing by telling the staff and by telling your daughter to speak to the staff.

I do think that by reminding her of the past issues in the morning will put it in her head so I wouldn’t mention specific people and keep it all positive.

When you get home after preschool, use that time to ask her how her day was but again don’t be specific, more like ‘did you play any fun games today’ ‘who was that with’, she seems to have good communication and you have good instincts so if something seemed off you could dig a little deeper but again try to not be specific ‘you’re a bit quiet, is something worrying you?’ - you might find that this other child isn’t actually the real issue.

Do you have much communication with the other parents? Arranging a play date at a park or something outside of the preschool can be a good way to help children form friendships to take in to the classroom, some children are better with one on one time when they don’t have to compete with the more outgoing children for friendships.

It might be worth tackling this in a more subtle way by using books? I'm sure there's some out there that talk about how to deal with people who aren't nice to others etc and you can talk about how to deal with those situations but not specifically mentioning this other child at her preschool.

I would keep open conversation with her about why she doesn't want to go to preschool and talk about her feelings and how she can deal with certain situations effectively. Your advice to her about staying away/telling a grown up about this girl is spot on - its advice I give my own DD and let's them know they don't have to put up with kids being mean to them and they can come to you and other grown ups for reassurance. Keep in contact with the preschool too.

You're anxiety is likely to also rub off on her too so it's worth checking in with how you're feeling and dealing with certain situations relating to your DD. It's a difficult one to manage but perhaps look up ways of easing your anxiety and how it links in with your style of parenting.

In summary, I think you're doing all the right things but maybe some tweaks here and there may help the both of you 🙂

Gosh, that was long - sorry!

Also to add that she is possibly a bit young but extra curricular activities are a great way to make friends, lots of children in my classroom have okay friends at school but talk endlessly about so and so at gymnastics/football/horse riding… so if over the next couple of years she does struggle, I would definitely find some fun activities for her to do and hopefully friendships will come from that

@ALS94 @Shemovesshemoves21
Thank you both so much for being so helpful & kind in your replies.

I'm so annoyed at myself for mentioning it to her this morning, but what's done is done & unless she brings it up, I won't do that again.

We live rurally & there's not a lot of extra curricular activities for those not in Primary school but this is definitely something I will look at once she's there.

I have friends who don't live locally with children my DD likes to play with so we try to see them on weekends every couple of months. We are very busy in general on weekends as we live on a farm, but I do often think she would like to see some pals in that time. I always feel guilty, thinking I should be doing more, reaching out to other Mums for play dates etc but I work full time also & by the weekend when farming & family duties kick in there's not much time left. I'm also not very good at making 'mum' friends, I only really want to be friends with people you actually gel with, else I find it a bit awkward. I think if DD had one particular pal she often mentioned then I would make an effort to contact that parent & do a play date but there's no one it seems she is overly bothered/friendly with.

Thank you again x