To opt out of sports day?

[locomum83]

My 8 yo daughter brought up this morning about sports day. Yes I know how far away it is but the fact she mentioned it now makes me feel that she's been dwelling on it...

So her first sports day was last year due to covid and she did miserably, not that I told her that but she felt it herself, she was last in every race, she was 'that kid'.
I felt horrible for her but cheered her on regardless.

Some people would say it's the sporty kids time to shine, where others may excel in academia, but the problem is that my girl doesn't find academics easy as she has ADHD, so it's a struggle in the classroom too.

I just don't want to set her up for another fail and have that effect her self esteem more. She's a wonderful kind girl who's a fantastic dancer, singer and performer, artist etc, but sports and academics are just not her thing.

Should we push our kids into things that just aren't them, at risk of it effecting their confidence? Or do we take their lead on their
Comfort zone and not push it?

Follow the school's guidance. Sports' Days these days are a far cry from the uber competitive Malory Towers style thing from years ago. For the very reason that children shouldn't feel nervous or humiliated. Unless your daughter is at a competitive prep, I shouldn't worry, and definitely don't feed her potential anxiety by talking about it. Play it by ear, speak to the teacher if nearer the time some anxiety does show.

My DD came last in every race too, she was very premature and isn’t that agile. But we don’t opt out if things in life that are hard, we persevere. Build her up and encourage her, letting her quit all sports days after doing one isnt showing her anything positive, it’s just saying yes you are rubbish at sports so let’s quit. If there are a lot of single races I’d speak to the school and see if it can be made more inclusive, it’s better to try and fix the problem at the source if possible rather than quitting, although learning that we can’t be good at everything is also just part of growing up. My DD came last in every individual race, but her team still came 2nd which she was happy about.

I think for now acknowledge her worries and say you'll definitely talk about them again nearer the time . It's important to take part just like some of the sporty kids may have to watch the choir in assembly etc everyone in school deserves the support, tell her to be glad for her friends who do well and she may be stronger etc this year. I really don't think kids should be able to opt out and the teachers will know how to handle it

If wait and see how she is doing, speak to school about too. But if she was still anxious I definitely wouldn't force it. She could maybe help out in a different way on the day (record the winners or something). ADHD is hard. My school provides the opportunity but doesn't force it if a child doesn't want to. So my son ran 2 out of the 3 races he was in last year (by the 3rd he was overwhelmed).

Just call her in sick that day. Book the day off work now.

It's only sports day.

I’d let her miss it. It’s nothing like the rest of school; kids aren’t forced to do a maths test and have their scores shouted out in front of everyone. I wish my parents had kept me off on those days.

I'd let her opt out. Sounds like the school is running a dreadfully old-fashioned type of sports programme that's all about races and times rather than getting kids interested in and comfortable with physical activity. There's a danger in that- enough adults around who've been put off sports for life by this type of experience, much to their detriment.

Rather than forcing her into something that'll make her feel bad about anything sports-related, any chance of identifying some area she'd be interested in and maybe pursue that through after-school clubs? Could be dance, gymnastics, martial arts, anything other than the narrow athletics-type PE they're obviously exposed to at school. Or if you feel the school's not that bad maybe even discuss with teachers in which direction to steer her.

And ignore those posters going on about the value of perseverance! THAT'S not likely to help her set good patterns for life.

I’ll tell you one of my most memorable life lessons from when I was a child.

Growing up I did Swimming. I started late (9 is late for swimmers) and as it grew more competitive, obviously the kids I was racing were quicker. It took a while to catch up but I plugged away at it day and night, before school and after school.

When we spoke about swimming to other people, I always remember my mum saying that it was not only good for self confidence, teamwork, commitment etc, but that it’s good to learn how to win and to learn how to loose.

I always remembered that, and took pride in my behaviours whether I won or lost. I think it’s really important for kids to learn to be gracious losers as well as winners as in life you have to deal with both in multiple contexts all the time. (As an adult in the world of work, you can definitely spot the people who didn’t learn to lose as children!)

I think if you keep her off school you do unfortunately send the message that sports day is important enough to do well in that if you can’t, you should take the day off school. It makes it a bigger thing than it is.

It is only a sports day and definitely not worth a lot of anxiety over. I would work on building her confidence between now and then and concentrate on having her always talk nicely about herself. It will work wonders. Everyone has their talents and the sporty kids will have to watch her singing, dancing, performing when the time comes and that’s great.

Another piece is around building her skills in athletics if she wants to. If it’s something she is interested in, there is no rule to say you have to be great at something to join a club. If she wanted to she could blow the other kids away come Sports day. Obviously be careful with this one as you don’t want her getting the message that she has to be good at athletics to be accepted.

You have a wonderful, beautiful daughter who has many talents. Build her up to be resilient whatever happens at sports day; she will be fine. All the best x

Thanks to all for the POV I agree on Both sides of the fence.
It's hard to keep building her up when there's things she's watching her peers excel at.
The format last year were lots of individual races in heats, same two children won them all. But S just hates running, she's very tall and just like me, not built to run 😂
Il leave it and closer the time will talk again about it and see where's she's at, if there's a worry we'll speak to school.
Thanks again all.

At DD's school it's encouraged but not forced but she would be expected to sit with the rest of the class.
But they also do it as a timed format, so each team does each activity and the fastest overall wins. Didn't seem competitive and even the children with physical disabilities managed to join in.