Why do strangers try and touch babies?!

[BubziOwl]

I just cannot fathom people randomly touching babies they see in public. Why do they think it's okay? I just want a moan, really...

I really don't think I'm a hugely precious person, but my baby is just not a very chilled out soul. He's nearly 14 months old. His current issue is being touched by strangers. He's never been fond of strangers, but it's been really, really difficult ever since his 12 month jabs. He just instantly goes into utter hysterics if anyone he doesn't know touches him, especially in a way he's not expecting or used to (eg things like general observations at the doctor's are a nightmare).

I've discussed it with his GP and also his health visitor at his 12 month review, and they weren't concerned and said his behaviour falls on the spectrum of normal and that it's not totally unusual. So I will take them at their word on this, as I know nothing about what is normal and what isn't. They say it's likely just his personality.

We're trying really hard to grow his confidence by taking baby steps with new people who we've explained his personality to. But then today, my husband and I were in a small shop with our son in his buggy. A lady walked past, smiled at him, but then reached down and squidged/tickled his belly relatively firmly - I'm sure most babies would have had no problem with this. However, my son was instantly terrified, screaming at the top his lungs, and we had to leave the shop as we just couldn't calm him down until he felt he'd left that environment behind. We could really tell it knocked his confidence in interactions with people for the rest of the day.

The poor lady looked mortified, she obviously meant no harm and probably got quite the fright! But it got me thinking, I just can't understand what possesses people to do things like this?! There could be any number of reasons why a random baby you see in public can't be squidged in the tummy. Or touched in any other way for that matter. It would just never occur to me to do something like that, I don't understand it. It seems to happen to us quite often. I don't understand why!

Anyway, I just wanted to rant, really. I wish people would just think a bit more! I'd also like to know why it is that we seem to get this so often - do I need to make myself look scarier or something?! 🤣

I honestly don’t know and I’d never do that, and I really think people should keep their hands off other people’s babies! Some people seem to think babies are public property.

I also very much dislike this, it makes me feel very uneasy. My baby is always in a sling when we go out and people come over and try and stick their faces in hers (and mine) to get a look, or ask me to turn so they can see her and it makes me so uncomfortable.

I tend to sort of back away and do an awkward laugh before getting on with what I'm doing to avoid any touching, it is often (but not always) older women and I feel they find it rude when you seem uncomfortable, it takes everything in my power not to just run away or tell them to back off ha.

Why didn't you just move the buggy?

I remember an old person taking hold of DD3 hand when she was like 6/9 months ish (during covid lockdown in a shop too 🙄)

so at this age they constantly put their hands in their mouth, so whatever germs this lady had on her hand was going straight in DD mouth.

obviously I baby wipes and anti-bacterial her hands but still. Yuck.

Hormones. I get it, I feel the urge ... when a woman walks by with a really tiny one I have to practically strap my hands to my sides. (I never do touch them though - willpower prevails)

It's so weird. I never gave a damn about babies until I had some. Mine are too old to cuddle for more than a minute now, but even so, when my friend hands me her baby to look after while she does something else, I can feel my brain lighting up like a pinball machine. Once I was cuddling a friend's 18-month-old who had fallen over and bumped, and although I felt no particular emotion, the tears were streaming down my face, no warning...

Maternal hormones are powerful things! And we're at their mercy long after our own babies have grown up.

Because new life is beautiful, fleeting, hopeful and life affirming. You and your baby don't owe anyone a piece of that but it's odd to pretend you cannot see how others might be drawn to it.

Personally, by the time my kids were 9 months, hand germs were little concern set against the foraged carpet morsels found on the playgroup floor.

This is very true.

I hope you washed all the old off!

Do not get me started! No one should be touching anyone else’s child without the parent’s permission it drives me made.

Middle of 2020 with my baby and some elderly woman deciding to peer into the pram and touch my child. I was not polite in my response.

Surely looking doesn’t hurt.

Lovely for your baby to have people smiling at her.

She was OLD? Omg how awful.

This.
I was wondering how to phrase it.
Thank you @FourTeaFallOut

I'm not pretending anything, I get why someone might feel emotional looking at a baby. What I don't understand is thinking it's acceptable to randomly touch said baby!

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor I'm not sure what you mean about moving it. As I said, she was waking past as she reached down and did it. She didn't even stop walking. Should I be moving the pram away from anyone who walks past, just in case?! 🤣

@FictionalCharacter yes, public property is what it feels like sometimes!!

@Squiblet your description is very lovely ☺️

Some old lady once kissed my baby's hand while we were out. I was absolutely shaken by it, considering we'd been living through a pandemic and I was too stunned to even say anything!

Why is her age relavant?

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor because I've never had this experience with anyone under the age of 70!! I don't have anything against her being an older woman, but do wonder if it's a generational thing that perhaps people were more relaxed in her day!

Maybe.

The casual ageism on MN is shocking,hence me getting twitchy, sorry.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor apologies, no offence meant! Will be more careful!

All good 😊

I remember years ago, my friend would leave the rain cover over her pram, to stop people from touching her baby. I think it's something which has always happened - babies are cute and it's instinctive to want to touch them. It's a friendly gesture and something that makes people feel connected to each other.

But people should restrain themselves - babies have a right to their personal space, the same as anybody else. And in a pandemic it's especially inappropriate. But maybe much older people, whose kids have grown and live elsewhere struggled during covid, with that lack of connection and contact, more than younger people, who had children at home.