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Parenting

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How did you/do you deal with night wakings around 18 months?

18 replies

MintGreenLife · 05/01/2023 13:58

Our DS is just coming up to 18 months and we’re having a bad time with sleep at the moment. He was going to sleep himself at bedtime and for his nap too, until three weeks ago and then illness plus travelling at Christmas meant we were having to rock him to sleep.

hopefullu just about getting him back on track for now, but his night wakings are awful. He’s usually up 1-2hrs and can be rocked back to sleep, but when we put him down he wakes and cries and we start all over again.

I think the only way to get around this is to settle him in his cot. But I can’t see him taking well to this.

how did everyone settle their LO’s around this age for night wakings? And any tips on how to move towards settling him in the cot? Just for info, I am still BF and often BF when he wakes, but that doesn’t get him back to sleep. Perhaps I should night wean and avoid getting him out of his cot?!

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Peaplant20 · 05/01/2023 20:00

Following!

user2391 · 05/01/2023 20:03

Dropping the feeds stopped the wakings for us.

Mine went through a phase where a feed didn't settle him and he would be awake for a couple of hours, I used to put some toys in his cot and let him play for a bit, and he would often go back to sleep on his own.

DaisyChain16 · 05/01/2023 20:04

Floor bed and co-sleep from when they wake. Illness always throws things off. Some nights they sleep through but when they don't we maximise our sleep by just being able to hop in with them.

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Sallythesloth3 · 05/01/2023 20:05

Hi,

My son is a few months younger at 16months but we just bring him into our bed when he wakes and let him sleep the rest of the night with us. It won’t last forever so for now this is how we all get the most sleep.

Do you mean he wakes every 1-2 hours or that he is awake for 1-2 hours at a time? If the latter, have his sleep needs reduced and he is possibly not needing as much sleep as is being offered?

MintGreenLife · 05/01/2023 20:34

@user2391 that’s a good idea; as at the moment we continue to try and get him back to sleep for hours and it’s exhausting, frustrating and relentless! It’s the rocking I mostly want to get away from, but feeding doesn’t seem to help the situation so maybe I need to just bite the bullet and night wean!

@DaisyChain16 i desperately wish cosleeping would work for us on difficult nights. He’s never settled well in our bed, so not sure a floor bed would work for us unfortunately.

@Sallythesloth3 sorry, meant he’s awake 1-2hrs. I hope that’s not the case! He was low sleep needs as it was only needing 11hrs in a 24hr period, and now is somehow managing on 9-10hrs 😳

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MintGreenLife · 05/01/2023 20:41

@user2391 do you mind if I asked what you did as a settling technique instead of feeding once you dropped the night feeds?

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Orangesare · 05/01/2023 21:47

Both of mine went through a phase of being awake for a few hours in the night. It stopped as suddenly as it started. My second was just over 2 and did this for most of September and October. She’s still bf

user2391 · 06/01/2023 08:27

So my eldest was breastfed and woke frequently. Night weaned at 11months. I just held/cuddled/rocked him. Took a while for him to go to sleep the first few nights, but I cut down feeds over a few days so didn't feed after 5am, then 2am etc, so it didn't feel too daunting for me.
My second was bottle fed and would wake once but sometimes be up for several hours. If he was sleepy I would cuddle and pat his bum. If he was super awake I would leave him toys and pop back in if he got upset.

MintGreenLife · 06/01/2023 08:45

@Orangesare mine seems to have gone through this phase about 5 times now 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

@user2391 brilliant thanks. Unfortunately mine doesn’t take well to trying to cuddle to sleep! I’ve always rocked him but a couple of nights ago I tried sitting in the chair with him and I’ve never heard him scream like that - was arching his back and thrashing around. I gave it 5 mins to see if he would calm down but no such luck!

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LittlePumpkinPie21 · 06/01/2023 08:52

My little girl, also 18 months has just had a few really bad nights, turns out she had an ear infection and perforated ear drum, no obvious signs until the third day when we saw lots of thick fluid leaking from her ear.
Wonder if there is something else going I like that. Hope he settles back into his normal routine soon.

MintGreenLife · 06/01/2023 11:54

@LittlePumpkinPie21 oh poor thing! I do wonder if it may be teething as when his last lot of molars came through there were no obvious signs!

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SazCat · 06/01/2023 12:12

We had this just before Xmas, we were still having to hold my 20 month old to sleep and she had started to wake several times a night. Sometimes for hours, would only drop back off in our arms and it was hard to put her down.

I'd never considered it before, but we got desperate so did a mild form of ferber/ controlled crying sleep training. I know it's not for everyone, the most she cried was 25 mins but I was going in every 5-10 mins to settle her (not picking up).

I can't tell you how much its improved her sleep!!!

MintGreenLife · 06/01/2023 14:26

@SazCat its so tough 😭 just had a train wreck of a nap! We went swimming this morn and I had a feeling it would be a bad idea as he only slept 8.5hrs overnight and seemed very tired this morning. By the time we got back he was losing the plot so I fed him to sleep, and then he only napped for 30 mins!! I rocked him for an hour afterwards as he wasn’t going into a deep enough sleep to put down or sit down. It’s so exhausting.

We’ve actually tried Ferber in the past but he’s very strong willed and will not give in. We’ve given it a good hour and I’m fearful of how long it would go on for if we just kept going. I feel like his sleep is absolute chaos at the moment. He’s clearly tired but won’t nap properly or sleep anywhere near long enough over night 🤦🏻‍♀️

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BertieBotts · 06/01/2023 14:49

16mo, currently in process of moving to cot rather than co-sleeping.

I'm afraid I do pick him up, breastfeed him and put him back in once he's fully asleep because that is what works! It's a bit of a pain but I'm intending to night wean as soon as he's used to the new routine of starting night in cot.

I will do what I did for DS2. Give myself a time limit - currently if he wakes up and it's past 1am I bring him into our bed. Or if he wakes less than 1 hour after the previous wake up, or if I have had 2x failed attempts to put him down.

I will increase that time - I think 2am probably starting tonight. Once 2am is standard increase to 3am etc. And with the less than 1 hour wake up I might get stricter with myself and make the rule 2x gaps shorter than 1h.

In addition to that, add in a delay before going to get him. First of all when he cries just listen for a minute or two, in case it's a dream or a fart. If crying continues, go for a wee (to add more delay and also in case I'm stuck there a while) - with DS2, I would often find that by the time I'd done a wee he had gone back to sleep. DS3 I'm still responding to immediately at the slightest hint of noise, because he's sharing with DS2 and because I want to build up the cot as a safe place at night not somewhere he dreads going into. But I will start the delay once he's a bit more used to sleeping there.

Then a delay once actually in the room as well. I have a smart watch with a lit screen so I check the time when I open the door and do everything in slow motion - walk slowly to cot, pick him up slowly, walk the long way to the chair, sit down, get comfy, get him in position, open clothing all slowly, so that it's 5 mins from door to boob. I will then increase this on subsequent nights. You're supposed to increase to 10 minutes but I think I will be a wimp and do 7 Grin

As a third step I'll add in cutting him off before he is quite asleep. If I'm lucky/time it right then I can just rock or hold for the rest of the falling asleep process. If I time it wrong and he protests too much then I just relatch - but this gets easier and less sensitive the more I do it.

Some combination of the above 3 got DS2 to sleep through. He was over 2, though. Previously at 18 months with DS1 and DS2 I was just feeding them overnight as much as they wanted basically. I'm trying the night weaning a bit earlier this time because I have come to realise that they don't do it magically by themselves, much as I would wish! But it feels exactly the same as when I did it with DS2, so I don't see any reason to wait and am hoping it will be successful.

All three of them have had periods of long, quite intense wakes at night at this age - I think it must be a developmental thing because it seems to precede a spike in language acquisition or walking or some kind of skill that they seem driven to practice, like putting things in and out of other things, or handling tiny objects, or building towers or doing those wooden jigsaws (shape matching) etc. DS2 was the worst for it and did it for weeks at a time basically every night. Also pre-molars and canines can be coming through which is disruptive, and if he's in childcare then it might be illness/viruses as well. Growth spurts leading to excess hunger too.

BertieBotts · 06/01/2023 14:54

With sleep training, children do respond differently. Some of them cry very little and it seems to work quickly for them. Some cry more and it takes longer but does eventually work, but some just keep on escalating and I think it's probably cruel to continue in that case. Despite people saying stuff like it undoes all the progress you've made, I would definitely have a time limit on sleep training and give up if it wasn't working.

MintGreenLife · 06/01/2023 15:16

@BertieBotts thanks for your detailed response! DS is generally only feeding once in the night so that’s not too bad! At the most it’s twice, the main issue at the mo is getting him to sleep, him being awake for long periods in the night and also that he’s only sleeping about 9-10 hours at the most in a 24hr period. He’s so tired, he just won’t sleep any more!! I ended up having a good cry this afternoon after rocking him for an hour to try and help him sleep more. I was desperate for a break myself, and I’m meant to be trying to go cold Turkey on the rocking…but I just give in to try and help him sleep more and limit the crying as much as poss 😭

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BertieBotts · 06/01/2023 15:20

I'd have a look at Lyndsey Hookway's book Still Awake maybe?

Some children do have very low sleep needs, and don't necessarily need more sleep. Do you think he would sleep more if you did everything that he wanted, or 9-10 hours is his max regardless?

How much is he napping? If he's still having 2x naps it might be time to drop down to one?

MintGreenLife · 06/01/2023 15:23

@BertieBotts I follow Lyndsey on Instagram so will definitely look into this. Oh he’s definitely low sleep needs - he was averaging 11hrs in a 24hr period for quite a long time. I did wonder if his sleep needs had dropped, but he seems so tired! He’s been on one nap since 13 months old, and I cap that to 1.5hrs if he makes it that far!

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