I let 1 year old fall over

[Papayap]

Today at soft play with my one year old I became conscious that I was lifting and carrying her a lot and felt like I wasn’t letting her be active and work things out herself.

I moved back about 6 feet away, over a padded step. The baby used the step to stand up and was trying to clamber over it and I let her rather than lift her over it. She was rocking on top of it and I realised she was probably going to fall but whilst I was still thinking about it she then did a roly poly off it onto the carpeted floor.

She did a little wail and I gave her a cuddle and her dummy and she calmed down within a minute.

I probably wouldn’t have thought anything more off it if I hadn’t looked up and seen two grandmas there tutting and looking at each other then me, clearly judging me for not supervising the baby properly.

I did wonder if I was ‘doing it wrong’ as they had gone down the slide with their grandchildren between their legs whilst I just pushed my baby down.

Am I doing it wrong? What level of supervision/ helping/ risk taking is right?

I feel really guilty now for letting DD do something where I realised she was probably going to fall.

She is fine by the way, immediately afterwards scarfed a whole adult size lunch meal with a smile.

Just turned 1 year old or nearly 2? I think the letting her fall is fine - that's the best way for them to both know their limits and build their confidence, but going down the slide - depends on their age and depends on the slide!

I found my life became a lot easier when I stopped projecting my ideas onto other people. Two people looked at you - you don’t know whether they were judging you or just looking. Assigning emotions to other people and using them to fuel your own feelings is a recipe for disaster. Unless people say something directly to me I refuse to even acknowledge what they were thinking about me.

Your child fell over at soft play. They were fine and did not get injured. Total non issue.

It's soft play.
They're supposed to fall over!

And by the way, not sure if you know, adults should not go down the slide with a child. It’s much much safer to supervise them standing next to the slide. You’d be surprised how many babies and toddlers I’ve met who have been injured while sliding down a slide with their parent/carer.

They might have been tutting about the dummy (or anything at all).

Some people are very opposed to dummies!

You let her explore in a safe environment, she was able to practice clambering and learnt from that how far she could lean forwards, how far she could lean back, how big a step to take.... learning to take risks when playing is really important, I've linked a couple of articles below.

early-education.org.uk/taking-risks-in-play/

www.teachearlyyears.com/nursery-management/view/the-benefits-of-risky-play

She's supposed to explore & fall. She'll never learn & develop her muscles otherwise

I have screenshotted your comment and I am going to look at it every time I have a wobble. I spend my life worrying what other people think of me and it's causing me no end of issues.

OP - it's absolutely fine to let your little one tumble over, they are learning. It is hard though. I still have to do everything in my power to not go running over to pull my DD back up when she falls over but I'm forcing myself to step back and let her learn her limits. :)

Our local soft play has the word tumble in the name, think that sums it up! You've done absolutely nothing wrong!

Going down the slide with a child on your lap is one of the most dangerous things you can do. It’s a top cause of child emergency room admissions in the US because it can break their legs. So you’re definitely doing that part right. If they’re too young for that specific slide then they don’t go down it.

I also think it’s fine to let them explore their limits and develop their climbing skills in a safe environment i.e. soft play. But each to their own!

As for the women, who knows if they were tutting at you. If they were then gods knows whether it was the fall, the dummy or the crying. Besides, you don’t know them, who cares what they think. If they put kids on their laps on a slide they’re a terrible judge of safety anyway.

Soft play is the perfect place to allow children to experiment with climbing and inevitably falling.

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Also ignore any nosey tutters, I doubt they’re perfect. Equally they might have been discussing fuel prices or something.

I was always told it was best not to help children in this sort of situation. They stay within their limits this way. If you help, they can end up in situations that they are not safe in - fall from a greater height than they would be able to reach on their own etc.

Soft play is entirely the best place for children to test their limits.

If you're going to fall over soft play is the place for it - that's what it's designed for isn't it? Safe, exploratory play. They'll never learn their limits or be able to express their natural curiosity if we run to their aid at every moment. You did nothing wrong.

Actually I'd say you're in the clear, and the grandmas are very much in the wrong about keeping children safe.

Taking a small tumble is not dangerous for a 1-year-old. You let her explore and experiment with her own motor functions and balance in a safe environment and reacted lovingly and nurturingly (that's probably not a word) to her mild distress when she took a minor fall without risk of injury. That's how the little ones are supposed to learn.

I'm sure the grandmas mean well and want the best for their grandchildren, but going on a slide with a small child between your legs is actually dangerous. Depending on the size of the slide, you can get the child's leg stuck between your own and the side of the slide and break it. I've heard stories of children breaking both their legs this way. So placing your child on an age-appropriate slide and helping them down while still sitting/standing on the ground yourself is actually a lot safer.

Are you sure OP they were old? Grandmas (like me) usually take the stance that a bit of rough and tumble never did me/ my DCs/ my DGCs any harm - maybe they were approving but hid their smiles. .............

Please never go down a slide with a child on your lap. It is so dangerous. I once watched a child plummet head first from the top of a slide because their foot got caught in the slide railings while the mum went on down the slide. I can still hear the sound of them hitting the ground. As a rule if you have to lift a child up / carry them on a piece of play equipment then they are too little for it and they shouldn't be there.

Judgment whether assumed or real is just a part of parenting - you're doing the right thing, letting go when you can is important and always uncomfortable and accidents do happen. Often, even when you're standing right next to them you don't see it coming.

It was soft play, not on the edge of a volcano. They're literally built to absorb rough and tumble play.

imo, you are right. And softplay is the place to discover your limitations as a toddler.

The comment above about if you have to lift your child on is spot on for many places too.
I have rescued a number of kids from a local climbing frame, as Parents lift them up the first bit, not realizing the top gap onto the slide is the same size, and many parents aren't prepared to scramble up the frame. A parent at bottom directing an upset/scared child doesn't work! DS1 (teenaged) is big enough to do the rescuing now!!!