Ds aged 6 has friend who is mean to him, should I terminate? (friendship, not child)

[kate2mum]

Ds has a friend, a little girl who lives across the street who is the same age. She had her first sleepover outside the family at our house. The other day she came over for the morning and they were supposed to go back to her house for the afternoon, only she started telling him that he couldn't come because there were other children she wanted to play with. She then gave a list of names of children she would rather see than my ds. I could tell that his feelings were hurt. He didn't really understand and she ended up screaming at him, "I don't want you, go away". I took her home and didn't want ds to play with her anyway because she was so rude and inconsiderate to him. Now I'm thinking he can do without her friendship. Complicated because her mother has become a friend. Is it okay to tell her mother that her daughter needs to learn some manners before they could play again? This little girl spends practically all her free time doing playdates. I don't want her to think my son is so disposable and, more importantly, I don't want ds to think so too.

i would not invite her over

if they invite your son then that is the opportunity to say 'do you think they will be ok - they didn't get on very well last time'

she sounds tired and frazzled to me - what is the point if neither kid is going to enjoy meeting up? invite other kid over instead

If you told me my child needed manners I'd quite possibly never speak to you again.
But if you factually told me what the girl said and how upset your lad was in response, I'd probably be almost as upset as you, and would completely understand if you said you wanted to keep the children from playing so much together, for a while at least.
So I think it's best to be honest with the other mum about what happened, but present it as a joint problem that you 2 mums can try to work out together. Maybe the lass will apologise?

I had the same situation with my DS1 and a little girl. Thankfully no sleepovers though.

I don't you can really terminate their relationship - they have to negotiate it between themselves. Do they see each other at school? If they do then it doesn't matter what you say they will do their own thing in the playground anyway.

I would stay away from her for a while and find other people for DS to play with. They will probably go back to each other in the end. If her mother asks why they haven't had a play date, be honest and say that her DD didn't want one. Let her have a word about manners then but I don't think you can ask her to teach her DD some manners although I can understand you are sorely tempted!

I have seen my children fall out and get reconciled with their friends and say horrible things and have horrible things said to them so many times that if I tried to intervene I don't think they'd have a friend left in the whole neighbourhood. IME children can say horribly hurtful things to each other one day (if they are overtired, having a bad day, struggling with a situation) and be the best of friends the next day.

These days I just leave them to it, comfort and support my dc's when they seem to need it, and gently nudge them when they seem to be falling short of the standards I would like.

But at the end of the day, it is their decision who they want to be friends with and what any individual friendship is worth, not mine. I wouldn't think much of somebody who tried to decide which ones of my friends ought to be dumped, and I felt at age 6 ds was mature enough to come to his own decisions. I certainly wouldn't invite the little girl if ds doesn't want to, but if he does- well, it is really for him to decide.

She sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year old girl. I wouldn't get involved. Just tell your son to tell her she's being silly if she says stuff like that.