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Parenting

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Being the less popular parent

3 replies

rockyroad86 · 04/01/2023 17:06

I'm a single dad, split up with my ex last year, the children live with us each 50% of the time. I give my children my full attention when we're together, play with them loads, take them out places and always try and talk them through any situations.

Their mum showers them with gifts all of the time even when it's no special occasion, she let's them eat junk all the time and never cooks them a proper meal. She's bought each of them a tablet, laptop, and TV and just sticks them in front of those so they will leave her alone, back when we lived together i very rarely saw her play with them and as far as i can tell it's only got worse. She's basically a really lazy parent and it certainly contributed to me losing respect for her as our relationship was breaking down. I hate the thought of my kids being treated like that but keep my mouth shut for all our sakes since i can't affect anything apart from cause an argument.

I know i'm doing the right thing and trying to be a good parent. I'm teaching them not to be spoilt, to eat properly and to have interests outside of staring at a screen all the time. The problem is that the kids obviously prefer their mum. Went to pick up the 5 year old from school yesterday and he started crying. I gave him a big cuddle and asked what was wrong, he said "i didn't want it to be you". I've had things like this before and been fine with it but for some reason today it really affected me.

Anyone else the less popular parent and have any thoughts on how to handle these things?

OP posts:
AnotherDelphinium · 04/01/2023 17:12

Mum will be the most popular parent for a while, its all down to the fact that she grew them, and cared for them completely for the first xx months, and that young children don't see themselves as a separate entity to mum.

It takes time, just breathe, try and reassure yourself it isn't personal. Get lots of happy photos of them and you to save into an album and flick through that if you need a breather. Also, once they get a bit older you might find that when they're with mum they say how much they miss dad and wish it was him picking them up.

SunshineClouds1 · 04/01/2023 17:19

I agree with pp.

There will be a time they want it to be you picking them up and not mum.
He may have just missed his mum today, nothing personal.

Sandysandwich · 04/01/2023 17:49

She may be the favourite but it sounds like you are the parent that is doing right by them. Even if they can't appreciate that now- they will be better off as people for your parenting as they get older.

Being the dad they need is much more important that trying to be preffered parent.

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