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Original poster

Best (and worst) decisions you made in your parenting?

34 replies

Algor1thm · 04/01/2023 07:10

I'm mum to two little ones 2 and under. From more experienced mums, if you had your time again, what would you do exactly the same? And what would you do differently?

From my very limited experience so far... Best decisions:

  • Baby led weaning
  • Dummy in infancy 🙌🏻
  • Learning to understand and validate toddler emotions rather than reacting like my parents did

Worst:

  • Too much reliance on TV when I need to get things done
  • Not supporting independent play enough
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Twistyripple · 04/01/2023 07:19

Oooh I have 11 month old twins and mine so far are

Best :
Routines for naps and bedtime. Means they know what's happening and realise what's going on.
Leaving them to play with each other in the "baby pen" as often as they like and for as long as they tolerate it. They used to grab at each other and pull each others hair but since being left to their own devices whilst I have a brew or do a job they are much better at regulating one another.

Worst :
Not enough baths, maybe only once every 2 weeks. They are just stressful and hate getting out. Trying to sort two babies getting out of the bath whilst making sure everyone stays safe just hasn't been a nice relaxing event and has never been a nice before bed activity. It's such a shame because I pictured having bath then bed every night when I was pregnant.

Theduchy · 04/01/2023 07:21

DD is 6

Best decision has been never, ever giving her our phones. She knows how to behave in restaurants, shops etc and have conversations without her head in a screen.

PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2023 07:29

Ds is 18

Best decisions included schools we could walk or cycle to.

Worst decision- I wouldn't follow dh's family tradition of circumcision.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General parenting Weaning
JJJSchmidt · 04/01/2023 07:33

Best - no drinks other than water

Worst - having to use so much childcare especially during the holidays

RambamThankyouMam · 04/01/2023 07:35

Best: co-sleeping, contact naps and extended breastfeeding. Just gorgeous.

Worst: same as above! It's taken her until 2yrs4m to sleep the night in her own bed.

Turefu · 04/01/2023 07:36

PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2023 07:29

Ds is 18

Best decisions included schools we could walk or cycle to.

Worst decision- I wouldn't follow dh's family tradition of circumcision.

Why not following this tradition was a bad decision?

PuttingDownRoots · 04/01/2023 07:40

Best: having them
Letting them be individuals and listening to them.

Worst: unfortunately having to rely on elder DD too much too young during an illness. I saw the relief in her eyes yesterday when I said she isn't responsible for her younger sister yesterday.

CanIusethisnameplease · 04/01/2023 07:40

I doubt I have peaked in my bad parenting choices atm !

MangshorJhol · 04/01/2023 07:44

Being very very limited in terms of screen time. My kids read all the time and can play for hours on their own without screens. We watch sport, movies sometimes but that’s it. It wasn’t a ‘decision’ per se- both DH and I don’t watch a lot of stuff and we both hate background noise so it was something we fell into. But it’s been a good decision.

Worst decision: giving a dummy to our oldest. He only had it for 2 years at bedtime but it has affected his teeth.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/01/2023 07:50

My dd is 17.5 now, so nearly an adult. I am more than happy with the person she has become and the quality of our relationship, so I don't have any significant regrets.

Best decisions - co-sleeping for as long as she wanted to, and generally being as responsive to her needs as possible. Listening to her and talking to her a lot. Treating her with genuine respect. Explaining my thought processes instead of just enforcing rules. Being willing to change my mind.

Worst decisions - not having found a way to persuade my DH to speak consistently to her in his native language so that she could be fully bilingual. Also not teaching her very effectively about how to keep her room tidy!😂But also worrying far too much about random trivia that turned out not to matter in the slightest!

Roseelane · 04/01/2023 07:53

Best: night weaning and sorting sleep at 7-9 months. Never feeding to sleep. DC was sleeping 12th our stretches in her own room by 9 month and is still a great sleeper to this day. It saved my sanity.

Worst: we didn't do well at the toilet training! Reflecting on this though, it's irrelevant now that she's 5 and just uses the toilet normally. I wonder how many 'bad decisions' are actually that bad.

bestchristmasever · 04/01/2023 07:54

Mine are adults

Best

Parenting differently to my parents
Telling them I loved him as much as possible.

Worst

Staying with their dad too long
Worrying about stuff that doesn't matter in the long run (eg weaning, dummies, BF/FF, baby wearing, sleep)

bestchristmasever · 04/01/2023 07:55

*them

TheaBrandt · 04/01/2023 08:21

Go to nearby primary so you are in the community they have nearby friends and the school run is not an arse every day.

Only give them water.

Dont bother taking a baby swimming unless you the parent enjoy it. I hated it and it was pointless.

Build friendships with local parents we got lucky and we’re genuine friends with dd1 primary mates parents makes for lovely nye / fireworks etc through primary

chocolateflapjacks · 04/01/2023 08:22

ot enough baths, maybe only once every 2 weeks. They are just stressful and hate getting out. Trying to sort two babies getting out of the bath whilst making sure everyone stays safe just hasn't been a nice relaxing event and has never been a nice before bed activity. It's such a shame because I pictured having bath then bed every night when I was pregnant.

Don't give it another thought! When they're a bit older you'll probably like doing bathtime because they'll play independently and passes the last hour before bedtime.

chocolateflapjacks · 04/01/2023 08:23

PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2023 07:29

Ds is 18

Best decisions included schools we could walk or cycle to.

Worst decision- I wouldn't follow dh's family tradition of circumcision.

How is that a worst decision?

MrsJamin · 04/01/2023 08:33

Mine are teenagers so might be interesting to others what decisions we made years ago that we are still feeling the impacts of!
Best:

  • baby led weaning. Both sons are brilliant at trying new foods and not fussy at all. Makes everyday family life and meals outside of that a real joy as we all enjoy food together. I put a lot of this down to BLW and the culture of food that surrounds it.
  • allowing them opportunities to learn from decisions and take risks. They try stuff and feel good about themselves in doing new things that have risks. Too many of their friends have parents who hover around them and prevent them doing stuff: the anxiety produced by parents and children is stifling their independence.
  • getting them to be useful as soon as they are able. Especially boys can be molly-coddled and not expected to do anything round the house. Ours have specific jobs and I'll never do things like get them a drink when they are watching TV because, y'know, I'm not a waitress and that's where the tap is!
Worst decisions:
  • I was always too distracted by technology and could have spent a lot more time talking to them and playing with them. It's just one regret but it's a biggy 😖😔
MintJulia · 04/01/2023 08:38

Best: co-sleeping, contact naps and extended breastfeeding. Cook from scratch food.

Worst: house location - too few local houses to provide a friendship group nearby.

PoTayToes80 · 04/01/2023 09:20

rerrrre

NewDogOwner · 04/01/2023 09:26

Best : reading that babies need quiet time to themselves so had baby in the habit from early on to lie in basket/ cot for a bit while awake. It turned out that ours would lie awake for hours happily before going to sleep or in the middle of the night so it they weren't used to/ happy with this, we would have had a nightmare.
Baby led weaning - no faffing about with making purees and whenever my mum friends and I went for lunch, mine was happily occupied playing with food for ages ( always cleaned up myself before we left) while everyone else's was finished being spoonfed in a few minutes and then needed entertained.

Worst: in first year of school they cried every night we tried homework so we stopped doing it in case they started hating school. They got really behind.

3sthemagicnumber · 04/01/2023 15:07

Interesting idea for a thread!

I have teens.

Best:
Chose a great local primary school. They all had a good experience there and we all still have friends that we made.
Encouraged and supported them to try new things - they've all tried quite a lot of hobbies/activites and all still do sport/dance in their mid-teens
Borne out of location, rather than conscious decision, but we did a lot of long journeys right from the start. They are all great in the car and love to travel.
Every summer holidays I had a little project - e.g., when they were small primary kids my goal over the summer was getting them to get their own breakfast and spread their own toast.
I think we are good at listening and validating rather than trying to jump in and fix things. I think/hope.

Worst:
Wish we'd been tighter on screen use. DS in particular spends far too much time watching crap on YouTube. It's always harder to reintroduce restrictions.
I've been to quick to do things for them because it's easier than getting them to do it. I wish I'd instigated and stuck to chores/a culture of helping out earlier. We're making progress now, but it's an uphill battle with teens!

Funkyslippers · 04/01/2023 15:12

Best: putting them in a cot in their own room from day 1. I knew if they were in our room I'd hear every little mumble and groan and I wouldn't sleep

Worst: probably too much else to mention! 🤣

cptartapp · 04/01/2023 15:13

Best: going back to work pt at four and five months despite DC having to go to nursery. Plus never ever letting DC into our bed, they never knew it was an option. Great sleepers.

Worst: trying to 'entertain' DC1 constantly instead of just getting on with things and letting him be. Never learnt to entertain himself.

thegreylady · 04/01/2023 15:19

Mine are adults . My husband developed MS when’d. we’re young (1&4). As he got worse our best decision was to buy them ponies. We used money we would have spent on holidays. They joined Pony Club, went to camp etc. they had a wonderful social life and I was able to keep it going until they were at university.
My worse decision was being unaware of how much they were affected by Dh’s illness. He died when they were 12 and 16.

MrsAvocet · 04/01/2023 15:26

Mine are young adults/older teens.
I'm pretty happy with how things have turned out so far to be honest and there is not a huge amount I would change.
Best - a generally attachment parenting approach (though I didn't know it had a name for a long time. Also supporting their interests and hobbies as much as possible, even when it was inconvenient/expensive/mind bogglingly boring to do so. Aside from anything else, those long early morning drives to matches on the other side of the county are ideal for deep and meaningful conversations.
Worst - I wish I had leaned on DD to work a bit harder at school. She did ok, but could have done better. I also wish I had encouraged her to make a different decision re her higher education, though she is happy now actually, which I guess is the most important thing.