Firstly, my son has been diagnosed with autism. I'm not saying this as an excuse, more for an understanding if this impacts his behaviours and how I can help him. He's 7, 8 in April.
He is very impulsive and an incredibly sore loser. We went out for a fun evening and it ended up ruining the night and we had to leave.
Firstly, we had a couple of games of bowling, he got really upset when he wasn't winning, sulking and trying to hit his dad to distract him (not in an aggressive way, more of a 'dirty tactic'). I tried so hard to talk to him about having fun, enjoying the game, taking part, doing something nice as a family etc. He seemed to do a lot better in the second game compared to the first.
Secondly, we played pool. He's never played this before but telling myself and his dad we were doing it wrong, that's not the rules and arguing with his little sister over the balls. In the end I gave my daughter my phone to watch (she was getting a bit tired and couldn't really see over the pool table) and told him to watch how we played and he could play the winner. They were both happy with this. Dad won and I lost. My son kept holding the cue wrong and dad kept reminding him how to hold it, going over and adjusting it for him. At some point my son got mad, raised his voice at his dad, had a tantrum. My partner got upset, told him to stop acting like a baby and that he was just trying to help. I know he felt embarrassed and fed up by this point. My son went off sulking in the corner and crying. I tried to talk to my son, he shouted at me and I said that's it, we're going, I'm not happy with his behaviour, I've tried to be patient and I've had enough. Dad refused to go anywhere until he calmed down, my son was too upset and I was told off for babying him.
By the time we were in the car my partner said something and my son had a bit of a meltdown, arms and legs flapping, crying and then my partner told him to stop being a little bitch (I dont think he's ever said this before but does often tell him to stop being a baby, I hate it). I told my partner it was completely unacceptable. I don't condone name calling and I think my partner could work on his anger/responses better sometimes too. (He did say later on that he needs to work on himself too and he's a bit of a hypocrit).
My son said he was upset because instead of adjusting his arms his dad could have told him how to do it. My partner had numerous times and I think he was really enjoying having some father and son time.
I know my partner need to work on his own temper. How can I help my son? it impacts people wanting to play with him, his home and school life, being picked for a team, tantrums at school, cheating. How do I help him regulate his emotions? am I babying him by trying to talk to him rather than just saying get over it. I don't want him to lose friends or be the only child out of a class of 30 having a meltdown because he's out the game or him crying because we're at a party and he's moved during a game of musical statues and is now out. It's getting too much and I just want to help him but I don't know what to do. I couldn't regulate my own emotions as a child and didn't start to until about 16 and slowly worked on myself.
Sorry for the essay 😶