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Parenting

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Original poster

How to get baby in his own bed?

19 replies

Zleepdeprived · 03/01/2023 22:57

I’m so exhausted. I haven’t had 4 hours sleep in a row since last year (summer)

our son is 1 and has gotten into our bed more and more. The more tired I get the lazier I get so I just pop him in and he’s settled easy

but even when he sleeps his long stretches, I’m waking because of movement and kicking etc

im so tired and I do think me and DH need longer together in bed

DS currently goes in his cot 7pm until like 11/11.30 then the rest of the night is our bed

tips please ?

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upfucked · 03/01/2023 22:59

I went the path of least resistance and put either DH or I in the spare bed so there was more space.

Original poster

Zleepdeprived · 03/01/2023 22:59

On a good night I’ve had 3 hours sleep in a row but these are rare :(

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BrutusMcDogface · 03/01/2023 23:00

We have the same problem but our son is 4 😞
Just, solve it sooner rather than later as I think it’s much harder when they’re older. We are exhausted! Sorry that doesn’t really help you.

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Bemyclementine · 03/01/2023 23:03

I did the same BUT it meant both DS and I got to sleep. If you aren't getting the sleep, it's not working for you. Presumably he won't settle in his cot? Does he go down ok at bedtime?

upfucked · 03/01/2023 23:07

Zleepdeprived · 03/01/2023 22:59

On a good night I’ve had 3 hours sleep in a row but these are rare :(

If you and DH alternate then you will both get a full nights sleep every other night.

Original poster

Zleepdeprived · 03/01/2023 23:26

@Bemyclementine he actually goes so well, even for naps! He is so good

it’s just after a few hours anytime we try to settle him and pop him in his cot he wakes and it feels like the newborn stage again! Waking as soon as we pop him down so we give up

OP posts:

caringcarer · 04/01/2023 00:12

If you had never put baby or young child into your bed you would not be having this problem now. I am always shocked at how surprised parents are when they allow a behaviour for a long time then get tired of it and try to change it only to find kid not happy. Same with my kid will only eat chicken nuggets or only drink fizzy drinks. Give various foods if your child stops eating other food and only eats nuggets stop giving nuggets and give a wide variety of other foods.

Bemyclementine · 04/01/2023 22:56

Sorry OP I'm missing something here, why are you ony getting 3 hours? Is he not settling in your bed either? What does he do in the cot?

SebastiansLeg · 04/01/2023 23:11

@Zleepdeprived Waking as soon as we pop him down so we give up

Don't hold him until he falls asleep, put him in his cot awake, cuddle him when he cries but as soon as he stops put him back into the cot. Either sleep in shifts and that will depend on who is better at falling back asleep easily at 3am or both take a couple of days off work to nail this and roll it into a weekend where you can both catch up on sleep. Both of you go to bed earlier like 8 or 9pm to get as much sleep is as you can before the antics begin.

I have experience of this but pandered for medical reasons and once Ds was well enough we just stood firm and didn't back down.

All you are doing is teaching him a new way to go to sleep it will take several nights which is why you need to prepare as much as you can beforehand with sleep and maybe a couple of days off work but definitely over a weekend if both of you don't work on a weekend. Give each other time to catch up on sleep.

Original poster

Zleepdeprived · 05/01/2023 04:21

@Bemyclementine so sometimes (like tonight) he has random nights where he’s awake for an hour - 2. Doesn’t need anything is just wide awake then goes back ?

then normal nights he tosses and turns a lot so the movement wakes me he’s quite an active sleeper (and has been sleeping horizontally lately😂 so I have had little kicks to the face!)

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Original poster

Zleepdeprived · 05/01/2023 04:23

@SebastiansLeg yeah I think I need to drop that. I just feel so much guilt because he has to go to nursery 4 days a week so I can work full time and at the end of the day I feel like I haven’t seen him in so long I just cuddle him to sleep! There’s nothing wrong with nursery btw my guilt is I wish financially I could drop a day at work and have a day with him!

we luckily don’t work weekends so definitely can roll it into one and try tackle this as I really do need more sleep

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 05/01/2023 04:28

If our child got out of their bed we kissed and cuddled and put them straight back to their bed.

Littleelffriend · 05/01/2023 06:09

@caringcarer your post is smug and unnecessary.

Judgyjudgy · 05/01/2023 06:14

He needs to have a good routine, a nap in the day and you need to sleep train (look up spaced soothing). Be consistent and it should be sorted in a couple of weeks hopefully. It's hard, but worth it. I was like you, putting DC back into my bed because it was easier. It will be worth it! Good luck!

MGee123 · 05/01/2023 06:37

You either put up with it it until he wears himself off it (probably years to go yet) or you commit to stopping allowing him in your bed and help him learn to settle himself in his cot. You will probably have a few difficult weeks with the second option but you aren't going to solve the problem if you continue to allow him in your bed. When he wakes, keep him in his cot and use whatever settling techniques work for you (shhhing, patting, hand on back etc). He won't like it but if you want to break the habit I think cold turkey is your only option really. Agree with others - will be easier to do this while he's smaller so if co-sleeping isn't working for you I'd address it now.

trampoline123 · 05/01/2023 06:48

We had/have this with our DS2 from around 1 and he's 16 months now. I really believe there isn't a 1 rule fits all with sleep and that babies have periods of development and that teething can effect their sleep.

With my 1st we wanted to stop rocking to sleep, found a sleep guide which looked at his whole daily routine as well as nighttime and he was self settling within 3 days and sleeps great now apart from when he's sick/teething.

Our 2nd was a great sleeper until he turned 1, we could put him down awake and he'd go to sleep and sleep through from around 4 months then bam!

We both work full time so like you, it was easier to just get him in bed with us. Both boys share a room so sleep training wasn't really an option as we didn't want to wake the other. We'd always let him fall asleep on us and then put him down. We decided to put him down sleepy but awake with an Ollie the owl on and he went off by himself and slept much longer, till like 3am. It got better and better and he started sleeping until 6. There's a few odd days here and there where he wakes but we give him 5 mins and he usually settles himself back down.

Bemyclementine · 05/01/2023 07:08

Does he do that in the cot too? If he's just awake, or restless, honestly, I'd leave him to it. With ds1 I used to jump up at the slightest noise ir movement. It took me AGES (almost a year.) To realise that I was making it worse by going to him quickly.

SebastiansLeg · 05/01/2023 07:32

@Zleepdeprived look, can I reassure you? The vast majority of Mums work, so their children are in childcare. I am sure you are happy with the childcare you have chosen and I bet he has a lovely time there. Stop beating yourself up over it. Mum guilt will be with you if you work, don't work, work part time, usually everything makes us feel bad about one decision or another. It shows you care and want the best for him.

Of course it is absolutely lovely to cuddle him, but maybe just not to sleep as that is not working for either of you. In a way you are saying this is how we go to sleep and you let him fall asleep in your arms. Then when he wakes up he is in the cot, so of course he wants to go back to sleep but he needs you to cuddle him again. This is just a new way to go to sleep, he falls asleep in his cot now.

Best of luck. I find having a song to sing inside your head when it feels hard helps, something motivational, something about staying strong.

trampoline123 · 05/01/2023 07:46

Could he be having a growth spurt and be hungry too? Maybe try a snack with some milk when he gets home, a bath then have a cuddle/story and put him down.

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